An Exercise in Sensual Eating for Embodiment and Sexual Desire

Written by a sex therapist

As a somatic therapist, I am constantly feeling into my body states. Sometimes it feels pleasurable and amazing, and all my senses are engaged in a way that feels freeing and alive. Other times I feel anxious, unsure, and overwhelmed. I am learning that by welcoming all the feelings with curiosity, my healing, and growth take place with more ease, and there is more room for pleasure.

If you want to feel more pleasure in your life, a great way to do that is to practice engaging your senses, which can help with feeling more embodied. Being embodied means being able to feel what it is that our bodies want and desire along with listening to what is that our bodies are trying to communicate with us. One way to feel embodied is through sensual eating. It’s easy, fun, and pleasurable.

As a recovered anorexic my relationship with food hasn’t always been pleasurable. Relationships with food can be so many things. Food can make us feel comfort, enjoyment, connection, anger, control, disgust, horny, sensual, happy, and whatever other emotion you can think of. I have found that sensual eating has helped not only my relationship with food but also my relationship with myself.

Sensual eating is a type of eating where you engage all your senses. Whatever your relationship is with food, you can use it to feel sensual, more connected to yourself, and more alive. Here are some steps and a fun practice to learn how to eat sensually. Little tip, make sure to do this when hungry.

For people with partners:

· First, put away all distractions, and turn off your phone.

· Think of a food that you are desiring. Where you just feel like a “yes, mm, that’s what I want feeling in your gut.”

· Next, make sure you have the ingredients.

· Then ask someone you love to make it for you.

· Before they start making it ask them to sit with you. Together soften your gaze or close your eyes. Take some slow deep breaths together, letting your exhale out slower than your inhale, breathing down into your penis or vulva (this helps activate your root chakra which helps increase feelings of aliveness).

· Next, watch them make the food for you so that you start to engage your visual senses.

· Notice the smells.

· Listen to the sounds of the food cooking, the sizzling, the boiling, and the stirring to engage your sense of sound.

· Be present and in the moment while the food is cooking by noticing all your senses and how it feels in your body for your partner to make you something delicious. All feelings are normal and welcome, be curious.

· When it’s done have them bring you a small bite to taste but make sure they tease you a bit.

· Have them bring it to your lips slowly and let them rub it on your lips gently (fun fact: we have the most nerve endings on our lips and fingertips).

· Let this process go slow.

· Lastly, have them let you taste it but as you taste it make sure you notice the texture, the taste, and all the little tastebuds on your tongue that are getting engaged before biting and swallowing.

· Again, GO SLOW!

For single people or people who don’t want to include their partner/partners:

· Get rid of all distractions including phones.

· Get a piece of fruit or chocolate.

· Close your eyes or soften your gaze and take some deep breaths all the way down into your vulva or penis (to activate your root chakra/ feelings of aliveness), and as you breathe out, let the exhale come out slower than your inhale. Slow deep breaths.

· Let yourself feel your body noticing all sensations. Be curious.

· Next, take a piece of fruit or chocolate and notice the colors and shapes to engage your visual senses.

· Next, take it with your fingertips noticing how it feels to roll it around between your fingers and on your palm.

· Bring it to your ear and notice how it sounds when you slowly squeeze it.

· Then bring it to your nose and notice the smells.

· Bring it to your lips and let it slowly graze them and tease yourself for a bit as you rub it on your lips.

· Notice the saliva forming in your mouth and slowly slowly slowly put it in your mouth.

· Notice the texture, and taste while rolling it around on your tongue.

· Then slowly bite into it while noticing the textures and all your tastebuds being activated.

· GO SLOW!

And that my friend is one, hopefully, surefire way to have a foodgasm. By being sensual with food, we can feel more embodied and the more we practice being with our food and noticing and engaging our senses the more pleasure we can feel and for some, the more sexual desire.

As a sex therapist and sex researcher, I am highly interested in sexual desire, what causes it, why we lose it, how to find it, and what it feels like to have it. Although it’s nuanced, researchers have found that there are two different kinds of desire: spontaneous and responsive. Spontaneous desire is sexual desire that just happens out of the blue and suddenly you might be feeling turned on. Responsive desire is sexual desire that you feel in response to something sexy for example, your partner or someone starting to kiss and stroke you and your response might be, “Oh yeah this is nice, I feel desire.” Both types of desire are completely normal. Spontaneous sexual desire seems to be the preferred desire; however, many people don’t experience spontaneous desire, which is completely normal.

So how can we experience responsive desire if our spontaneous desire is low or non-existent? First, it’s important to find out what we want. It’s highly personal but being embodied makes it easier to know what we crave. For now, think of this food exercise as a gateway to feeling more pleasure by being embodied and finding out what you desire without feeling pressured. Then, bring that embodiment and engagement of your senses to the bedroom and see if you might start to feel more responsive sexual desire and less pressure to perform.

For those that want to learn more about sexual desire I highly recommend: Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski.

And for those who want to bring food into the bedroom, I recommend watching Auntie Angel: Sex + Food.

May we all feel less shame around sex and find the things that make us come alive, feel embodied, and give us pleasure. Hope this food exercise fills you with joy.