He Told Me What I Had Wasn’t An Orgasm
Who am I to argue?
When I was still a student, I had a secret boyfriend of my age. He was from a Muslim family too. But he was an expert on vaginas and female orgasms.
“How,” you might ask. Well, he could read English. He had read lots about vaginal and clitoral orgasms, G-points, etc. He also had a girlfriend before me which he could have lots of practice with. I, on the other hand, had never had a boy touch me.
All my sexual experiences had been solo
As a little girl, I was obsessed with sexual stuff. But since I was in a conservative environment, it was all in my head. I constantly imagined “scenes” from as young as five years old. Some skin or touch I accidentally saw in a film, a half-naked celebrity photo, rape news in the newspaper, all were mixed into the sexual material in my head that I regularly visited at night. It took me decades to sort that out and learn about healthy sex.
I didn’t know how sex worked, but I craved being naked and touched. When I was left alone in the house, I would take off all my clothes, watch myself in the mirror and do the craziest things I could think of, like putting jam on my nipples to attract flies. (Yes! I did that.)
Luckily, I had no idea at the beginning that penetration was a thing. I was strictly warned against sticking objects into my “coocoo,” and I thought it would be like sticking a fork into the electric outlet; I would instantly die if I tried something.
My first orgasm
When I was a teenager, I shared a bed with my auntie during the summer holidays. She would sleep right away, and I was afraid to wake her up, so I wouldn’t touch myself or move suspiciously under the sheets. But this didn’t stop me from fantasizing.
I laid face down, imagining being naked with men in various exciting setups, and I contracted all my muscles.
I didn’t know what I was doing or why I was doing that, but I flexed my whole body for an extended period. By doing that, I applied pressure on my clit, but it was one prolonged pressure, not repetitive ones. I was exhausted after several minutes, but I didn’t stop. Did I know what was going to happen? Maybe my body had an idea, but mentally I was clueless.
After a while, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, it happened. I was surprised to feel the tingling that came with numbing and warmth spreading from my crotch and then the fantastic series of involuntary contractions that lasted forever. I had it but didn’t know what it was.
Was it really an orgasm?
Later, I learned about sex and orgasms but still didn’t see the connection until my expert boyfriend told me about them. I said, “Wait a minute, I know that! I had orgasms. I felt something like that.”
He laughed at me. “That was not an orgasm. You either need a penis to move inside your vagina, or you need to stimulate your clitoris with your finger. You can’t get an orgasm without repeated stimulation. You have to work hard at it; it’s not that easy.”
Well, I had worked at it, but not the way he described it. I also had tried masturbating by playing with my clit, but that didn’t work, and still doesn’t. I wanted to discuss it further a bit, but he dismissed me. Maybe he was upset a little because I wouldn’t let him insert his cock in my coocoo and try his best to give me “the real thing.” I wasn’t there yet.
Fair enough. We broke up shortly afterward.
Yes, it certainly was!
That was then. Now I am older, and I know that the experience I had was a legitimate orgasm. I perfected my method over the years, and I can get an orgasm in just a few minutes if I want. Instead of contracting my whole body, I tighten only my upper legs keeping them together. And I don’t need repetitive pressure but continuous pressure.
The best way to maintain that pressure is to lie down on my face and use my body weight. If I am with a man, I can lie on my back, and his weight can do the trick. Of course, having sex with a man is much more pleasurable than having a quick orgasm on my own. But I don’t necessarily need a penis inside me. If there is one, it is more satisfying; however, I have to bring my legs together to get an orgasm, penis or not. I can’t get there if my legs are spread.
So I feel like this when I orgasm:
The point is…
It’s infuriating when men “mansplain” your body to you. How can they know what we experience with our very own vaginas?
We are all different. Life is short. Learn your body, find out what works for you and how you enjoy sex. Don’t waste your time on a man with a giant ego who tries to impose his “knowledge” onto you. Find a partner who is willing to listen and learn how your body receives pleasure.
