How To Tell, Chapter II: Grill Time
A story about opening up a relationship. Reality meeting fiction.
Chapter II — Grill Time:
Claire remembered the time that she went with Alex, their kids and her sister Maya for dinner in a grill in Madrid. It was a Cider house. It had large barrels full of Cider, and a large grill. Maya had discovered this restaurant a few months ago and enjoyed going there. They liked the place because it was large enough for the kids to run around and the food was good. They sat at the traditional long tables that you had to share with other patrons. They ordered salad, Spanish omelet and of course some steaks. With the kids sorted out and the food ordered the conversation between the sisters got started. Claire asked Maya:
- So, what is it that you wanted to tell me about Mom?
- Well, you know how she likes going dancing on Saturday nights?
- Oh, no, don’t tell me she has met her dream guy again
- Well, those were not the words she used to call him.
- She is like a teenager at her 65 years
Maya told her how their mother Stella had met yet another guy at the dance parties where she used to go, and how she was again already making plans for the future. They knew the story too well. Their mother had married already a second time only to divorce three months later. And she was always looking for a new guy in her life
- I think she needs the high of meeting someone new in her life, said Maya
- Of course she does, who does not want companionship. The thing is, does she really know what she wants?
- Nobody knows really what we want, commented Alex
- I don’t really mean this as a philosophic question, replied Claire. Just look at her, she thinks she will live forever.
- At least she is happy going to all these parties and dancing as much as she can, replied Alex
- The thing is I think she is lost, she does not know what she wants. She is just looking for something to fill up an emptiness inside of her, said Maya.
They were interrupted by the waiter who brought their food. As usual, the kids started to play with their food and talk to each other with food in their mouths. Alex started correcting them and Claire grew tenser every minute. After Alex corrected the kids a third time Claire could not hold it anymore and told Alex to stop making a scene. They had always had disagreed on how to educate the kids. And this was really impacting their relationship. Everyone got quiet and lost in their thoughts.
While eating Claire was thinking about her sister’s words. She understood a bit the kind of emptiness that her mom had felt almost all the time she had known her. Her mom had married young and inexperienced. Claire remembered being 22 and being asked by one of her grand aunts when was she getting married. Back then when her mom was young it was what was expected from young girls. She understood too well why their parents had separated. At some point, her mom had decided she wanted to enjoy life, and with kids in high school, she found the time to go out.
What Maya was referring to was that she had remained at that stage for ages. Always looking for a new adventure. It was a way of fleeing from reality. Looking for something new to fill in the void of her normal life. She went through her daily routine without finding fulfillment in what she did. She lived for the weekend, always going out like a teenager, except that she was already retired. It had never occurred to Claire but it felt way too much like an addiction. Like an alcoholic looking for the next shot, her mother was always looking for the next guy to fill her empty life. She kind of defined herself for the relationship she was in instead of for the kind of person she was. It was in a way as if she had become a love addict, more focused on having one relationship rather than on enjoying the relationships she had. She was trapped in the serial monogamist loop dating steady a guy for a few months just to move to the next one. Stella was missing a steady relationship that would give her the real emotional stability that she needed.
What Claire was reflecting on is that it kind of was what was happening to her. She was having this affair with Dan, and fleeing from the problems of her daily life. When she was with Dan she was in a parallel world of two. And this actually gave her strength. She could go to the rest of her life with a smile in her face knowing that all would be good when she got back with Dan. Things that used to matter about raising the kids, or managing their finances were not that important anymore. Just like her mother she ignored her daily life and looked at the secret meetings every two to three weeks.
She could not help but smile when she remembered that she would be meeting Dan again the week after they got back from their holidays. They had already organized an afternoon together and she was very much looking for it. However, she was now starting to doubt whether she was not just getting her initial dose of love addiction, just like her mom did. Deep inside of her she wished there was another way of living. A way to get the best of both worlds: The stability of her marriage to Alex, and the adventure of her relationship with Dan.
Next: Chapter III — Celeste
