How To Tell, Chapter VI: Dumped
A story about opening up a relationship. Reality meeting fiction.
Alex and Celeste used to exchange emails every day, but lately, the frequency of exchanges had reduced. First, he thought it was just a busy period at work, but after their last encounter he was somehow not surprised to receive the following message:
From: Celeste
To: Alex
Dear Alex
Yes, last Thursday was beautiful Alex, but still I must now write a very difficult e-mail to you.
I have come to the point where I can not go on with you any longer. I think you’ve noticed it too.
Something has changed. Our relationship has started to cost me a lot of mental strength. It’s not so much that I am calm and happy when we see each other. The thing is I keep thinking all day about you and your family. These thoughts will not let me go. I had thought I could handle this well and ignore it, but it has started eating me from the inside. You have a good life and a wonderful family Alex. I know that you are very happy. Suddenly now I fear that you will loose all this because of me.
I need to stop before that happens. Your family needs you. I have no words for all my thoughts and feelings, but even so I think you understand what I mean. Alex, it is very painful to write these words, but I think in the end it will be a relief for both to stop now.
We have experienced something crazily beautiful and I will not forget any minute of it ever.
Please keep our wonderful experiences well in your heart, so that you can look back at them for strength during hard times. Memories is all we get to keep.
A big hug for you,
Celeste
His initial reaction was to send Celeste the following answer:
From: Alex
To: Celeste
Your email was certainly not an easy one to write. I’m sorry that I have burdened you so much. Yes, had somehow sensed that our relationship could explain part of the difficult times you were going through. I can only tell you that what we had together is the most intense and most beautiful experience I have ever had. There are so many moments that I will keep in my heart. I’ve never been near to someone like with you.
I hope that you can overcome your current difficulties quickly. You are a strong woman. I wish you from the bottom of my heart that everything will be good in the end.
Let me send you a hug that does not want to stop,
Alex
Alex knew Celeste well enough to know that this end was for good. In the beginning, he felt a humongous weight fall off his back, but after the days started to go by he felt heartbroken. Like a teenager that has been dumped by his girlfriend he started looking at possible explanations of what had gone wrong. Had it been the unexpected summer holidays where he had to go home and play the role of the great couple with Claire? Or maybe they should not have risked going to his place that day when his family was away. He felt empty and somehow abandoned. On the other side, his rational brain was telling him that it was a good thing. He did no longer had to fear being caught. No more sneaking out and looking for work-related excuses to be with her. It was a roller coaster of emotions.
In the overall scheme of things, he felt that it had also been a good thing for him for his relationship with Celeste to end. He felt now at a crossroads. It was time to pay more attention to his family. He was a workaholic, always on the road, on the smartphone from morning till evening. Always trying to get a deal done, except that lately there were not that many to be made. The breakup with Celeste made him begin to focus on being with his family, except that his family was not what he remembered it to be.
His older son was starting the difficult teenage years. He would go from his room to school, and then back to his room. He only saw him when he was hungry, and getting two words out of his mouth required a mix of luck and skills to ask the right question. His daughter was also busy with her friends. And after a few days of trying to get close to her, it became clear to him that he did not really know her anymore. But probably the toughest realization was how rusty was his relationship with Claire.
He tried doing stuff with her again, except that she was always busy. She had been promoted to the management of the organization she was working for and was a busy person. The day they finally could go to dinner together they ended up having a silly discussion because of the kids. It was a hard realization that what he had always seen folks go through was happening to him. He had focused way too much time on his career and had forgotten about his family. He felt really bad about not having paid enough attention to their communication.
He felt he was living in a movie, except that this was not the movie that he wanted to live. The movie he had dreamed of for himself was different. Somebody had to get him out of that movie, it had to be a mistake. In his movie he would have good communication with Claire, in the real world he knew he had not paid attention to their relationship. This dinner helped him open his eyes to the amount of energy he would have to invest in getting back to good terms with Claire. He felt her being distant was something that he had brought upon themselves anyhow. It was going to be a long road.
Alex decided to travel home one weekend to visit his brother. His brother had just been through a divorce last year. It had been a messy one, with a tough battle for custody of the kids. In the end, as these things usually go, custody had remained with the mother. His brother got to see the kids every two weekends. He had bought a new apartment and had turned into a Disneyland dad. Every weekend with the kids he had big plans, new toys and lots of sweets for the little one. This, of course, had only made things worse with his ex. She had to find her financial footing again and the kids always coming back with new clothes and stuff infuriated her. His brother had also started dating again and told him about this online platform he was using. He had now found a steady girlfriend with whom he would do things. But it was too early for her to move in with him, nor that he wanted her to.
Alex realized that he had to change his relationship or risk ending like his brother. He had felt the sadness of his brother not being able to see the kids enough, and the bitterness of a love gone bad. He remembered the wedding day of his brother, how he had been hesitant on the new adventure he was embarking on. He compared this to his wedding day when he knew that he had chosen right. Claire was an easy-going pretty girl who loved him and with whom he knew he could live for life. They had been going out for long enough that he knew that she would put up with him and he could put up with her on the good and the bad times. There was a feeling of completeness between Claire and him, it felt like if they had known themselves forever.
But right now he felt stranded on a lonely island. He was also missing that human touch that he used to get with Celeste, and Claire seemed too distant, just as he had been to her before. On one hand, he knew that his sexual life with Claire would never turn as special as it had been with Celeste. On the other hand, he knew he had to be honest with Claire this time and not do anything behind her back. This was easier said than done.
