I’m Falling for a Woman
I’m falling in love with a woman — a woman who I pay to spend time with. She may be an escort but we have a real connection. My husband has a real connection with her too but this is truly the first time that I’ve had these kinds of feelings for a woman.
She is beautiful, with long dark hair and a rockin’ bod. Her breasts are on the small side but nicely formed and I love the roadmap of tattoos that she’s got all across her skin. But what I’m really attracted to is her style; her energy; the way she presents herself to the world; her authenticity. We’ve been seeing her for 8 months or so but just recently started following her on Twitter and I kinda wish we hadn’t because I am so turned on by a woman owning her sexual power and being in the full expression of herself on that level. It makes me wish I could see her every week rather than every couple of months.
And this is also completely unraveling what I knew about myself. I’ve been playing with women for 5 years and mostly it’s been fine or good or even really good but this one, I want like I want men; and I have feelings for her in a way that I’ve never had about a woman before. She loves what she does for a living. She loves the freedom and the self-expression and the chance to fuck a lot without being told that’s bad or wrong or not what women should be like. I’m that way too, but I mostly hide it from the outside world. I don’t have my half-naked picture all over Twitter on a regular basis because I’m still afraid what the world will say when they know about the depth of my desire; when they see how hungry and licentious I am. It’s not “moral” and it’s not “right” but goddammit, it’s real and true! My man is attracted to that part of her too, but also to that part of me. It’s how we ended up in this situation in the first place, letting other people into our bed. I’m in love with another man as well as him; and maybe now I’m in love with another woman also.
And the best part is, it doesn’t need to change anything. We see her when we see her. We don’t need to curtail her in any way. She doesn’t have to stop doing what she does in order to make us happy. This is what actual love is all about — not needing to reel someone in; not needing to make them change. And it’s still a bit uncomfortable because although that’s what love should be, it’s mostly not what it has been for most people. And when I tell my husband about this, with tears in my eyes, he says, “I know, because it’s the same for me.” We are falling in love with her just as she is falling in love with us and it doesn’t change anything. She is her own person who lives her own life. We are happy to share that with her when we get the chance to do so, and this is what real love and real freedom look like!
© Copyright, Elle Beau 2020
Elle Beau writes about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love.