I’m Obsessed with Watching Doggy Style Porn, But Don’t Enjoy it In Real Life

Is this normal?

Photo by Romi Yusardi on Unsplash

I come from a conservative culture, so sex wasn’t something I could experience much or even discuss as a young woman. Everything was in my head, and then later I had porn videos.

My fantasies, and the porn I watch, are what they are: Fantasies.

I enjoy fantasizing about rough, degrading sex. Maybe it comes from my culture: sex is, and has to be, humiliating. Even after learning about healthy sex, my mind goes to those places.

OK, here it goes: I have rape fantasies. I love watching a woman (in a make-believe video) getting fucked from behind and cry. Hearing a man grunt while fucking a woman hard on a video turns me on.

You would think I am a misogynist. You would think I enjoy getting hurt or seeing a woman get hurt. But this is not true.

Again, these are only fantasies. In real life, I can’t stand any of it. I instantly turn off if I feel slight pain or humiliation. I want my partner to be respectful, soft, and gentle (and not forget to apologize if he accidentally hurts me in bed).

I also cannot orgasm in doggy style. I need to be in a mermaid position with my legs together, if I want to orgasm. And I like orgasms.

Photo by Ingo Doerrie on Unsplash

So what is this thing about porn? Well, since I discovered porn, I almost never fantasize on my own anymore. Unless I have some specific person or situation in mind. I can find anything already fantasized about and acted online.

Why do I prefer the roughness and doggy style in my fantasies?

Another thing, when I fantasize, I noticed that I often use the point of view of a man. I assume to be the man who degrades and fucks a woman. And the women are submissive. They enjoy being fucked and degraded.

This makes little sense, because I am not queer. I never wanted to be a man or to fuck a woman. I have lesbian friends but never wanted to be one. Never enjoyed lesbian videos either. I like penises. But I don’t envy to have one. I enjoy sex with a man as a woman, and I am never submissive in my (not many) real life relationships. I hate it when someone attempts to dominate me.

In my fantasies, I am both the man and the woman. I guess that’s why solo sex is fun: you get to experience both sides of the sex.

So what do you think? Am I weird?