One Man’s Perspective: Body Types and Everything Else
On What Men Really Find To Be Sexy
An in-depth look at the mind of a man when determining “what really is sexy” about women — and what is not.
Note: I wanted to put out a series of short essays that follow a similar theme, to provide women with a personal view into the mind of a man on a series of topics. The aim is to allow you — as the female reader — insight into the mind of a man who articulates these thoughts so that you can understand what is going through our heads.
The idea for a sequence of essays — is that you can come along for the ride, to see what goes through our minds on several topics, like sexiness, or even acts of foreplay and during sex. This particular piece is a bit different, but as I have developed a community of readers and interacted among them, I knew this one was especially important to get right.
This is part of the series titled One Man’s Perspective.
So, as promised, you are going to get an earful of what I find to be absolutely sexy as fuck. As we move along, you’ll probably have a few “oh really” moments where you say to yourself: “well shit, that would have been nice to know a long time ago”. Unfortunately, you will hear about what I, and likely most men — find to be downright repulsive as well, so there may be a cognitive dissonance moment coming up, especially if cable TV is your best friend.
And guess what ladies? Most of this “what is sexy” has little to do with your appearance. Now before I really get started, the boilerplate disclaimer caveat stating the obvious: I am not speaking for all men, but only myself.
Speak for all men, you ask? I wouldn’t dare do that.
Far too many men are total idiots, especially on this topic, yet there are plenty of them — I suspect the majority — that see things similar to how I do. They just suck at articulating it, which is pretty common for us with Adam’s Apples, so this is where I come in — your handy-dandy liaison to the male libido.
As mentioned above, I won’t speak on behalf of everyman, since there are some really shallow fuckers out there. These are the same idiots that pressure their girls into getting boobs jobs or humiliate them for eating like a human being when they are hungry. Now, before the Boob Job Demographic blows up my inbox — just know I am not saying there is anything wrong with implants, by the way. But for God’s sake, just do it for yourself if that makes you feel better inside, not for some guy.
Seriously, screw those guys that make it all about appearance. You don’t want those shallow morons in your life anyway, because their issues run a lot deeper than boobs size and calorie counting.
Yet still, I’m speaking for a large chunk of the guys along with myself, on what we find actually is sexy. What I personally find to be downright unbelievably irresistible, and the qualities in women that I just cannot live without.
What makes me so damn weak that it is just downright pathetic sometimes when I really sit back and look at it. So as I craft another foray into the male heterosexual brain, I’ll touch on some topics that stick in your heads all the time, like when buying new clothes or stepping on a scale.
Brains, Confidence, and Ability to Laugh. I’ve realized late in life that I am a sapiosexual — one who finds intelligence to be sexually arousing. To add to that, I am extremely turned on by self-confidence, a good heart, and wit.
To me, nothing is hotter than a woman who believes in herself, brings something to a conversation, and can laugh with you. Without those things, I just would never be able to get past it. All these things — brains, heart, and confidence (aka courage); why do I find it ironic how you can find them along the yellow brick road?
Anyway, an inherent lack of wit is downright crippling to the libido. Do you know how annoying it is — as a guy who loves being a smart ass — to crack some sarcastic remark for it all to fall on deaf ears? Or to constantly have conversations about the damn Kardashian’s or some other dumb Us magazine topic when I’d rather hear about her opinion on Tolstoy’s War and Peace because I just haven’t gotten around to reading that one yet.
Fuck yes — goddamn, that is hot when a woman is well-read.
Hell Yes. Cliff’s Notes Me — you sexy bitch!
All this “my ass is too big” shit is so damn unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Women beat themselves up relentlessly and it is really so sad to see because the things that matter to the kinds of men you want to attract are not superficial, to begin with.
And by the way, I am not saying don’t take care of your body; clearly, health is important and it should be seen as such.
But the hottest thing about a woman who takes care of her figure is not the fact that she has an idealistic physique or even the physical appearance — it is a simple fact that she is not lazy, and gets off her ass to do it. Results are not nearly as important the act of trying. Spin class, smoothie rituals and a general disdain for the Golden Arches are just downright hot because it says one thing loud and clear — I care about myself.
Same with work ethic. You can be a stay at home mom or a career woman but lazy doesn’t fly no matter what you do — lazy is just downright hideous. Chilling on the couch all damn day is about as unattractive as it gets.
Weight. This topic just sucks to write about; I am not going to lie. It is as touchy as any topic there is and is highly personal and hard to get through for a lot of people. The good thing is — it is a reality that we all deal with. So why not rip the band-aid off and get into this one first?
Maybe we’ll all will find solace knowing that “Nearly three-quarters of American men and more than 60% of women are obese (BMI > 30) or overweight (BMI > 25)”, according to HealthData.org.
So, at least our fat asses are not alone, right?
But my philosophy is that life is too damn short to hurt your body any more by injections stress over this crap. There are a lot worse things in life that you can be, than chubby.
Hell, as soon as I glance at my side profile in the mirror, I tell myself “Come on! WTF???”. Yeah, I could stand to lose a bit too, but this post isn’t about me.
Thank God — that would be uncomfortable.
Sometimes I wish I could reach into the minds of the women who have come to read my words over the years, and just plant a seed in their heads. That seed would carry with it the idea to stop fuckin’ beating yourselves up over this one. It really is more in your mind than ours. Really — it is.
Some of the sexiest people I have ever known were way past the recommended target weight of the Ideal Weight Calculators, which are pretty ridiculous, to begin with. If I hit my recommended weight I’d look like a boy; to hell with that. No, I’ll eat healthier, exercise, and always aim for better health, but I am not going to look like a teenager because some lame chart says I should.
Be happy and proud of who you are and develop habits to be healthy. That is so much more sexy than hitting some dumb number.
Our Imperfections and “The Ughs”. I don’t know what to call this group of things that trouble so many of you, but don’t kid yourself — it is common as hell and I hear it all the time.
It is basically things like stretch marks, wrinkles, scars, gray hairs, and all those little stupid things, whatever they are, that every human has. Any guy that doesn’t see these as accents of your overall beauty as a person is a moron and you should stay away from him. Stretch marks tell me you lived, while telling me a story about your history and the woman you became, standing now in front of me. Wrinkles tell me you lived. Scars tell me that you lived. People who miss this reality are missing out on the person behind those indicators.
And your life — and your story — that is what is hooking me in. Not your weight or marks.
It is your essence as an individual — the beauty in your stories — those moments where we sit on the couch and you talk about what happened when you were in college, or last week at the store, or whatever. That is the good stuff. That reveals the mind that you have — some dumb skin bump means a whole lot of nothing and I don’t give a shit how “visual” guys are. It’s the stories of the hard times and the good ones — that is what is so damn sexy.
Ass and Boobs. Seriously tits and ass should matter as much as hair color, which is nothing at all. Not even 1%. Zilch. I know women who have big boobs and thick asses love to feel proud of their assets, but I hate to tell you this: I couldn’t care if you have DD’s and a Kim K badunkadunk — you are no hotter than the girl with A cups and no ass if you don’t bring the good stuff, like brains and confidence.
Holy hell, how do people put so much emphasis on a pair of tits or an ass?
Women do this relentlessly too — probably more even than guys too. What I mean is this — if you are one of the girls that have a D cup or an ass like J-Lo — trust me, you are full of shit if you don’t throw that fact out there to verbally pat yourself on the back all the time. Effectively, here we are again, where your body means more to you than to us, all over a “who cares” attribute, making all the flat-chested and flat-ass girls develop complexes over your “who cares” attributes.
I don’t get it — never have and never will.
I’ve been with women who were drop-dead gorgeous with no boobs at all and no ass, and I never looked at them any differently. But you can bet your ass when they were dingbats who couldn’t laugh at a joke that I dropped them like a bad habit.
What the hell is wrong with our society that this somehow has gotten into women’s heads as a matter of importance.
Don’t get me wrong — I love boobs and I love booty — I just love them all the same. Little A cup tits and big double Ds — to me it is just representation of your feminine form. All of it is equally hot.
You ladies are so damn sexy by just being ladies. Just being women. You don’t need to do anything else to make us lose our minds over you.
Being a Lady. There is just something so unbelievably debilitating to us men about you embracing your feminine side. I think it is what separates you from us Neanderthals with the Y chromosome from you delicate perfect pieces of livingg art — that essence of being a woman. Damn, it weakens me to even write about it.
Your scent. Your soft bat of the eyes. Your giggle.
Now some people may disagree with this, but anytime you embrace the opposite of being male — there is something sexy about it. From perfume to you waking up in the morning and doing your hair and makeup. When you shower — it’s that feminine soap you buy. That lotion and oil you apply afterward when I know you are naked, just being a woman.
Most idiots never take the time to even tell their own women how sexy this part of you really is — so here I am, telling you — all those little things you do to be a woman matter. They matter a lot.
And you when you get into the habit of not doing them — it really matters. Sorry, but daily sweatpants and a bun gets old as shit real fast and tells me you don’t care, so why should I? Now some people will get a little pissed off at that, but they likely don’t have a penis — so how can I really take them too seriously when they are not the ones feeling the debilitating effects of a woman’s raw sexiness?
It’s like me telling women what is sexy about a man; it just doesn’t hold water.
Being Active. Now when I wrote the first draft of this initially, on a different platform, I received some feedback that I didn’t include the “tomboy demographic”, if you will. In other words, really the outdoorsy, active women. You know, the ones that get up at 4 am and run 5 miles and then mow the lawn and yes — wear sweats when they do it — likely in a bun.
The person that said it — was a woman — whom I respect quite a bit. In fact, I deeply respect her and her opinion on a myriad of topics on passion and sexuality, so I had to look inward once she challenged my opinion and what I found was — she was right. I totally overlooked this type of woman.
I was wrong. Fuck, I hate that. You know, being wrong and all.
I did some soul searching here and I added this section for that specifically. It was never my attempt to be exclusive to a group of women — especially woman who I find to be sexy-as-fuck — which is kind of the point of the written piece in the first place.
My point on being active is this — you don’t have to be Miss Perfume and makeup to be sexy. Being active is a state of mind and is represented by getting off your butt and doing things, and that is far sexier than wearing Nordstroms latest fragrance or dropping a few hundred on MAC if you do it in your La-Z-Boy watching The Real Housewives of Nobody Cares.
Being around people like that is just infectious and makes you a better person for it. It is sexy as hell — no doubt.
Real Sexiness. As mentioned above, 99% of what is so damn hot about you women is what you do — not what you look like.
Read a book and shut off Bravo. The Real Housewives are rotting your brain. Netflix and Chill should be seen as a slippery slope.
But there is a marathon of Keeping Up With The Kardashians on? Ah. Fuck It! I can’t do this shit anymore.
Read. Learn. Grow, as a human being.
Work as if you mean it. Be a parent like you are trying to outdo everyone else. No matter what “it” is — care and try.
An effort in life, making people laugh, being happy, caring, and having a sense of self-confidence about you. That is what is sexy.
At least to me.
So there you have it, ladies. Pure testosterone-laden libido telling you what the hell is up. Your boobs, stretch marks, and ass are fine. Your DVR is the problem.