Porn Moves You Should Never Try

Because you’re more likely to annoy her than make her hot

Elle Beau ❇︎
Nov 18, 2020 · 9 min read
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The conventional wisdom is that everyone knows that porn is entertainment, that it isn’t real sex. And yet, I’ve heard more stories than I can count from angry or disappointed women who got some porn move pulled on them that they absolutely hated. This happened without a thought as to whether or not that was an acceptable thing to do or something that they would enjoy. Clearly, some better communication needs to take place, and although some women (or others) might well be into some of these moves, it’s always a mistake to assume that’s the case just because you saw it in a porno.

These rules apply to men and non-binary folks as well. They also may or may not want something done to them that somebody picked up from porn without being asked about it first. That’s really the key here — not so much that you should never do any of these things — but that you’d definitely better never do them without first obtaining confirmation that they are welcome.

Some people like to use spit as lube, and in general, that’s probably fairly widely accepted. Many people might not think twice about it, but I once saw an escort on Twitter ranting about how gross that is, so it’s still better to ask than assume. I had a lover who didn’t like any kind of synthetic lubricants and preferred the organic one she would bring with her. Always ask about lube preferences, but particularly if you want to use saliva. It may be natural but some people still think it’s nasty.

Beyond that, there seems to be a somewhat recent trend related to a guy (or dominant woman) spitting in the mouth of the chick they are fucking. Clearly, somebody finds that sexy, or it wouldn’t be depicted so often, but that is something that would totally kill the mood for me, and I know that I’m not alone in that.

Do not spit in someone else’s mouth or drool big gobs of saliva or worse, phlegm onto someone else without discovering first whether or not they want you to. It doesn’t matter that you might be exchanging other kinds of bodily fluids. Swapping spit while your kissing just has a different feel to it than actually spitting on someone else, which widely carries a connotation of disrespect. Also, a human being has more germs in their mouth than a dog does. Some women don’t want to knowingly introduce that much bacteria into their vaginas.

When I was first sexually active, way back in the 1980s, no guy I was ever with expected to come on my face or on any part of my body. No-one tried to do that (or even asked me) because, at that time, it just wasn’t really “a thing.” Sure, ZZ Top had that song about how “she wore a pearl necklace” but Eric Clapton also had a song called Cocaine. We might have liked those songs, but they didn’t really apply to mainstream life.

However, as porn became more and more ubiquitous with the explosion of the internet, this soon turned into a much more common expectation. These days, lots of women love to be ejaculated on, but also a lot of them don’t, particularly not in their face or hair. A friend of mine found out the hard way that ejaculate messes up the glue that holds eyelash extensions in place. For that reason alone, you’d better ask first before just assuming that it’s cool to do that, because those suckers are expensive!

I don’t affirmatively enjoy being ejaculated on, but I also don’t really mind it, particularly if the guy finds it exciting. However, if somebody did that to me without asking first, I’d think he was pretty entitled. Again, some people find this wildly sexy, and one playmate is kind of obsessed with it, but that isn’t a given with everyone. Just because this has been normalized in porn, doesn’t mean that it’s ok with everyone.

Butt stuff has become a lot more common in recent years, for both men and women, with everything from rimming to pegging. But that being said, there are still a lot of people out there who have zero interest in any kind of anal sex. Some people just feel squeamish, and others are concerned about pain or have has some kind of bad experience in the past.

Having something inserted into your anus when you aren’t sufficiently prepared to receive it can cause a lot of discomfort, and many women also just find it distasteful in general. Assuming that just because there’s an orifice in front of you that you have tacit permission to explore it or fuck it is bad idea. And for goodness sake, if you are exploring her anus, be sure to wash your hands and/or penis afterward before putting it into her vagina.

Porn often shows a dick going right from ass to pussy, and I suppose this is supposed to be edgy, but that’s because it’s a good way for her to end up needing a course of antibiotics. Sex can cause micro-tears inside a woman’s vagina and if those cuts get loaded up with bacteria, she might well end up with a nasty infection.

The best way to ensure that you aren’t introducing fecal bacteria into her vagina is to wear a condom for anal sex, but if you don’t do that, at least be sure to have a good wash before moving on. Giving your penis a Listerine rinse is a great way to be sure that you’ve really killed most of the bacteria you may have picked up, and it does away with that “not quite clean” smell that even soap and water may leave behind.

Wash your hands and penis well if they’ve been in or near her ass and you won’t kill the mood by making her worry about whether or not she’s going to end up needing a prescription as a result of your thoughtlessness. One former lover of mine actually went and washed his hands before putting them inside my pussy because he’d touched the light switch in the hotel room. Color me impressed! That kind of courtesy gets remembered, while being careless with her health leaves a bad impression.

Most porn is 45 seconds of foreplay followed by 8 minutes of jackhammering her like he’s trying to tenderize a steak. Many women love a good pounding, but only when they are warmed up and ready for it. If she’s not really turned on and well lubricated, that kind of pounding can result in the kinds of micro-tears that can well lead to an infection. Plus, it’s just kind of rude. There are a lot of other things that make for a satisfying sexual experience for a woman and Jackhammering her with your dick is only one of them.

I have no idea how this one started or why anyone thinks it’s erotic. I suppose it has an element of domination, but that’s because it just doesn’t feel good. I mean, who likes going to the dentist? Sucking on fingers (or even toes) is another story entirely, but before just jamming several fingers into someone’s mouth, be sure that it’s something that they actually would enjoy.

Erotic choking is a thing that some people really like, but it is a kink, and it should never be assumed that someone is up for that without a conversation about it first. First of all, the person doing the choking really needs to know what they are doing in order to minimize the chances of harm, and in order for it to be erotic. Most women aren’t Cheryl from Archer, getting off on having the life nearly rung out of them in a brutal way.

Just because this has become a porn trend doesn’t mean that most people are going to be into it. Not feeling like you can breathe easily is something that many people find scary, and just because porn actresses act like they enjoy it, doesn’t mean that your date necessarily will, particularly the first time that you sleep together. I’ve heard a couple of women complain about this happening to them, and it totally tanked the chances of that guy ever having sex with them again. Just because you see it in porn, doesn’t mean you should really do it in bed, particularly with someone you don’t know that well.

Things that are more in the BDSM vein require a lot of trust and prior communication before being employed. Never choke somebody without first establishing that you know what you’re doing and that the other person really wants you to do it. The same goes for slapping on the face or otherwise doing anything that might leave a mark. Some women love to be spanked, but they may not be up for caning marks or bruises that last for several days.

You should be taking your sexual cues from the kink world and not the world of porn. Kink and BDSM culture is built entirely on consent, boundaries, mutual respect, and mutual pleasure. There may be places where there are lapses in that due to unscrupulous participants, but it is none-the-less the ethos of kink. Before entering into a scene together, participants discuss what is on and off the table, what the safe words are (there’s often one for dial it back a bit as well as for stop), and whether all parties are “safe, sane, and sober.” In other words, are they in a physical and emotional place to make good decisions about what they want to have happen.

Trust is of utmost importance, as is mutual respect, both things that are often depicted as being absent in porn clips. The idea in BDSM is for both parties to have a fulfilling experience, and by many estimations, it is the role of the dominant to give the submissive the kind of experience that she desires — not to simply do what he has in mind. Meanwhile, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman in porn have a real orgasm, unless it was the squirting kind.

When my husband James and I get together with any new people, we always spend time talking about what the parameters are before we get naked. We don’t do much kink play anymore, but even so, it’s important to know what people’s hard and soft boundaries are, and what they most enjoy. That way, once things get under way, you don’t have to stop and ask, and the whole time together can be very spontaneous and free because no-one is worried about any lines being crossed. Everyone can just relax and have fun. These conversations typically take less than 5 minutes, and often consist of just a sentence or two, but they add so much to the enjoyment of the experience for everyone.

Many people really like watching porn, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as they really do realize that it’s not a playbook for actual sexual encounters. Too often porn depicts men behaving abusively or as if they are doing the women a favor of some kind. Sometimes they engage in acts that many people don’t find sexy or pleasant and being entitled, overly aggressive, disrespectful, or disregaring of what actually gives your partner pleasure doesn’t translate to a good bedroom experience for anyone.

Your partner may very well want to try out something new and a bit on the wild side, but it’s best to determine that before you just assume that they will be into everything that you are or that they will want to do everything depicted on the screen in porn. Also, honoring whatever those boundaries are shows respect. Begging someone to engage in anal sex when they really don’t want to or trying to convince them that come on their face will be something they really will like when they’ve told you they don’t want to do that is disrespectful.

Sex should be about mutual pleasure, not putting on a show, and most certainly not about doing things that leaves your partner feeling angry or insulted. That isn’t going to make you look like a tough stud. It’s going to make you look like a psychotic jerk with an empty bed. When a woman feels really safe, both physically and emotionally, that’s when she can truly let down her hair sexually. Men are often under the mistaken impression that it’s a good idea to try to coerce women into doing what they want in bed, but the opposite is what’s true. If she doesn’t need to be on her guard with you, she is going to be a lot more adventursome. So if you want to have really wild, passionate, naughty sex, make her feel really secure and respected first, and save the porn moves for somewhere down the line when she says that she’s ready to try them.

© Copyright, Elle Beau 2020
Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story appears anywhere but Medium.com it has been stolen.

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Elle Beau ❇︎

Written by

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

Sensual: An Erotic Life

A sex-positive community for exploring and sharing.

Elle Beau ❇︎

Written by

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

Sensual: An Erotic Life

A sex-positive community for exploring and sharing.

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