See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me
The healing potential in feeling seen through kink and sexual submission
As I was flipping through a recent set of photos from a shibari rope suspension I became acutely aware of my rigger’s gaze and how it’s fixed on me the whole time. He looks at my body and how I move, back up to where I’m secured, and down at me again. Most of the time he looks at my face, and into my eyes whenever they’re not closed. This is how he reads me. Every motion he makes with the ropes is based on the interpretation of the signals he picks up, and, almost without fail, he responds to my needs without the exchange of a single word.
The two of us have a strong connection; one where language is superfluous and we seem to read each other’s minds via the fibers connecting us. This is apparent in the photos and looking at them after makes me more than a little sentimental.
He sees me. He really sees me!
I can barely describe how therapeutic that is. More than that, it’s a deeply healing experience for me.
Many get uncomfortable when you introduce words like healing and therapeutic, as well as spiritual, into the world of kink — or into sex for that matter. I was told, firmly, by the editor of a BDSM-related publication I write for, to steer clear of these words…
