Sex Education should be ubiquitous, mandatory and Everywhere
Why I advocate for sex ed for kids and why you should too
Hi! It’s me! A person with no children talking about how to raise children! All I will say to that is that I was once a child, and I have some notes.
Flashback: I’m 8 or 9 years old. My mother and I are out together and I ask her a question that’s been bugging me for a while: “Mom, how does a body know when to make a baby?”
Her response was some bullshit like: “Well, the body just knows!” Or “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
Truthfully it doesn’t really matter what she told me that day. What does matter is that for most of my life, as a child and even into young adulthood, my sex education was a patchwork of whispered secrets, misinformation, personal research and accidental discoveries.
Which brings me to the first reason I feel children should be educated on sex.
Unexplained boners etc.
My childhood was pretty uneventful. Yet, there were a number of moments where it would have meant the world to me to know I had someone; anyone with whom I could have had an honest conversation about what was happening to my body.
One particularly confusing time (I think about 7th grade?) was when I had these insanely hard erections. So hard they hurt. These would happen semi-regularly and without any kind of rhyme or reason. English exam? Boner. Particularly vexing fractions? Boner. Shirtless construction workers? Ah. Actually, never mind about this one.
Regardless, this was scary and confusing for me. Had the devil got a hold of me? Was this normal? I knew enough about the taboo not to ask.
Now, you’re welcome to think of me as an over sharer. I’m fine with that because I think vulnerability like this is necessary. I would REALLY like future small humans to understand their own bodies completely. The first time I ejaculated it was an accident, and I didn’t really know what was happening. What a weird, uncomfortable, time.
Not having a vagina
All of this makes me wonder what puberty would have been like if I’d had a vagina! Good god. I can’t imagine living with this pandora’s box (so to speak) which is viewed as both mysterious and disgusting.
That is, until it’s suddenly this very desirable thing which comes with a plethora of risks, hygiene issues and taboos.
It would mean a lot to me if even just one parent reading this might choose to give their kid the resources they need and deserve.
Honestly, I get it. Talking about sex with children can be ALL kinds of awkward, but frankly, it doesn’t have to be. Even if it is awkward, children are awkward. Kids create awkward moments just by existing and being curious on the daily! With regard to parental figures I wish I’d had, this is just a part of parenthood. It’s a responsibility.
More importantly, if you can’t stomach saying the word erection or period to your child, there are SO MANY (my favourite here) wonderful educators.
They’re of many stripes and have a much more vast understanding and vocabulary than you or I ever will. I will link a list of resources at the bottom of the article.
One little rant before we move on. It’s deeply irritating to me the way that every 7th grader knows about the penis, head, shaft and balls, but most students that age don’t know the proper names for the parts of a vagina!
How’s a person supposed to get off if they don’t even know how to name the parts of their vagina? Good sex education often leads to good sex later in life. Just saying.
Women, trans men and non-binary folk deserve this. The fact that anyone needs to point that out speaks to a much greater problem.
External education.
OKAY notwithstanding the confusion of puberty, let’s talk about external education. Unfortunately the truth is that if you refuse to educate your children (as my parents did) someone else will absolutely do it for you (they did).
Would you like YOUR child to be educated by a group of 7th graders?
Worse still, your child may be educated by pornography. Now, I’m absolutely going to write an article about the good and evil of pornography, but the bottom line is that pornography is NOT education. Teaching kids properly about sex through porn is like putting them through prison in the hopes they’ll emerge as an altruist.
What I’m saying here is that we simply cannot allow porn sites to tell our children what is and isn’t okay.
Which brings me to my final and MOST IMPORTANT point:
Children NEED above all else to understand the ethics of sex. Sexthics? Sethics? The ethics of Seth? I don’t know. Anyway… It breaks my heart to say this, but kids need to know this as early as possible. Think of it as part of the ‘don’t touch the stove’ curriculum. I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d been abused as a child.
Based on how I kept my experimentation from my parents as a young boy, I can’t help but believe I would have just hidden it and suffered in shame and silence.
Sexual Misconduct (the most important part)
Children need to understand the concept of sexual misconduct. From a young age, they need to have boundaries modelled for them, so they can understand their own. They need to be taught to stand up for them. If we fail to educate our kids in this way then we leave them confused and defenceless in this arena.
As time passed, I began to see how this “sex taboo” had the potential to hurt my sisters. When one of them was over 18 and attending university, I asked her if she knew how to care for herself if she was raped. I was worried about her. Her response was concise and concerning: “I guess I’d call mom”.
Now, leaving aside the question of what she’d do when her mother passes away, I’d just like to point out that in the case of rape, minutes count. Anyone who is raped should go to the ER immediately. In the case of unprotected sex, post exposure prophylaxis (PEP) could save you from having to live with HIV. The ideal window is 24 hours.
What’s at the heart of all of this are parents who aren’t comfortable with sexuality because they’ve been conditioned to be for their ENTIRE LIVES. You may be unlearning taboo from scratch, and if you are, be proud of that stigma you are breaking.
The best thing I think we can do here is to normalize talking about sex. To change our culture into a place where everyone feel comfortable talking about sex, clitorises, IUDs, birth control, orgasms, testicles, periods etc.
Which is why I didn’t omit the part about my boners earlier. Having meaningful, wholesome (yes, wholesome!) conversations, and being honest about what needs to change and be dismantled entirely takes work!
Thankfully, we’ve all got the power to do that work in our own small way. This could take the form of good reading, good watching or just being less stuffy about the whole affair. Small steps to a better, brighter future.
Thanks for reading and good luck.
If YOU or loved one learn more about their personal plumbing, sexuality or gender, here are some wonderful resources for you!
YOUTUBERS:
- Laci Green
- Hannah Witton
- Lindsey Doe (such a vibrant, fun youtuber)
- Ash Hardell
BOOKS:
The Ethical Slut (i’ve linked to a bookstore locator here because please support local bookstores ❤)
