Sex in Sexy Settings

A Tour Guide

Lindsay Soberano-Wilson
Jan 10 · 5 min read
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Photo by Jim Kalligas on Unsplash

Where’s the most risqué place you’ve ever had sex?

According to a recent study in Leisure Sciences, Toronto sex therapist Kat Kova (MSc, RP) of Kat Kova Therapy, says “couples who tried something new during the first phase of lockdown experienced higher levels of sexual satisfaction and desire than those who hadn’t.”

If the novelty of a new sex toy or position can improve intimacy, then I want you to imagine what exploring sex in sexy settings can do. So just where does a couple begin to look for a change of scenery?

The Great Outdoors

For some couples, there is something liberating about having sex outdoors. How does sex on the beach sound? Or what about a stroll down a wooded path?

Because let’s be honest, it’s not every day, especially during a global pandemic, where one seizes the day and has sex on a Greek island like Elafonisi Beach, draped in pink sand and turquoise waters.

The setting can’t always be bucket list material. That’s why for many people, a tent, a hot tub, or a balcony does the trick. Better safe than sorry, right? No one wants to have a close call with an ATV in the backwoods.

Then again, perhaps you secretly want to be discovered. Because, as Kova explains, having sex in public may result in “heightened sexual sensation, pleasure, desire or arousal…due the thrill of a transgression.”

For example, Kova uses the analogy of the first time an individual shoplifted or lied. She says it may feel “good actually, albeit often temporarily, especially when there are no external or internal consequences such as being caught breaking the law or feelings of guilt and shame that can follow.”

On the other hand, while embracing this taboo may increase pleasure for some, “I would imagine that for others, they would actually shut down with the overstimulation of being in a public space and fearing getting caught,” adds Kova.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

If the open space isn’t really your thing, then you can take a stroll down memory lane into the backseat of a Buick. Actually, sex in the backseat of a car is where many first explore public sex.

Kova says, “I think that most couples would actually dread being caught having sex in public, but enjoy the possibility or thrill of being caught.” She says that car sex seems to be popular for this reason.

While many people fantasize about the novelty and taboo of public sex, according to Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want, Kova says “that does not mean it is always wise, particularly if a non-consenting person sees you.”

Actually, come to think of it, when some couples begin as young lovers, they naturally explore sex in different spaces, like a car. Even if it is just a necessary evil. So why is it that in many long-term relationships, couples stop exploring?

If you’re still here that probably means you’re an explorer. Maybe part voyeur, or an exhibitionist in training. Perhaps you’re even part of that mile-high club we keep hearing about.

Exploring Public Spaces

For couples who like watching and being watched (and all parties are consenting by being there), then sex clubs can be a good option.

In such designated sex spaces, there is the benefit of consenting to attend whereby it becomes “more of a realized fantasy and everyone participating is consenting to seeing, or being seen exploring their sexuality,” says Kova.

When asked whether engaging in such acts, increases pleasure, Kova says, for some who report such findings “it might intensify the sensation and stimulation, and perhaps the connection between two people.”

If you’re looking for a change in scenery then visiting a sex club may not only reignite the fire but also be educational. Many venues offer sex workshops on topics like sex toys, flogging, squirting, and multiple orgasms.

Alternatively, you can show up in something sexy for a drink (or two) on a theme night, such as boudoir or schoolgirl. Then, once you get home you can always fantasize about the bartender or the couple you chatted with.

Kova, also says, however, that while some may be curious, many are fearful about the consequences of exploring their sexuality in a setting as public as a sex club, and with due reason, as cited earlier.

Reimagining Private Spaces

That’s why couples can also reinvigorate their sex lives by simply changing the backdrop with some minor alterations.

Kova explains, “couples usually experiment with small steps, and in ways where they are not likely to actually be seen, like leaving the curtains open just a crack, having sex in a hotel room high in the sky against the window, or in a more private location.”

In fact, Kova says, “Couples can get more of a sense of novelty and adventure by changing…where in their home they have sex, how they have sex and the conditions under which they have sex,” such as the time of day or after engaging in a new and interesting activity together.

No matter what your comfort level, remember that life is a journey. And exploring sex in sexy settings is also a journey. Even if you explore places that does not mean you have to live there.

You can simply take a ride. One ride…together…to a sexy setting. Even if it is just to the kitchen.

For more from Kat, check out www.katkovatherapy.com, where you can inquire about working directly with her or to submit your own questions about sexuality, mental health, and relationships in the Q&A section.

Lehmiller, J. J., Garcia, J. R., Gesselman, A. N., & Mark, K. P. (2020). “Less sex, but more sexual diversity: Changes in sexual behavior during the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic.” Leisure Sciences, 1–10.

Lehmiller, Justin. Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Da Capo Lifelong Books (2018).

Lindsay Soberano-Wilson is a poet, teacher, and freelance writer. Her first chapbook Casa de mi Corazón: A Travel Journal of Poetry & Memoir (Poetica) is coming soon. Follow her on Medium, Instagram, or Twitter @Poetry Matters.

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Lindsay Soberano-Wilson

Written by

🪶 I write poetic stanzas and paragraphs on Motherhood, Mental Health, Travel, Education & Sex-Positivity. BA (ConcordiaU), BEd, and MA in Lit (U of T).

Sensual: An Erotic Life

A sex-positive community for exploring and sharing.

Lindsay Soberano-Wilson

Written by

🪶 I write poetic stanzas and paragraphs on Motherhood, Mental Health, Travel, Education & Sex-Positivity. BA (ConcordiaU), BEd, and MA in Lit (U of T).

Sensual: An Erotic Life

A sex-positive community for exploring and sharing.

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