When a woman feels safe to express herself, guess who benefits?
Some songs just make you want to move — whether it’s tapping your feet or a full on set of dance steps. Shake by Nathaniel Rateliff and the Nightsweats is just such a song for me. Even if it’s only chair-dancing, I can’t sit still when I hear that song. It’s just so perfect for swinging your hips and snapping your fingers. One Tuesday morning a few years ago, I took the urge to dance to that sultry song, and turned it into a full-on striptease for my husband.
I work from home and was dressed for that summer day in a tailored t-shirt dress with a hem that came a few inches above my knees. My husband James had accepted a new job and we were planning to move in a few weeks, so he was home planning the logistics for that. We’d already taken our son to his summer program and were just finishing up a second cup of coffee before digging into the day ahead.
James and I were reading the paper, checking messages, and listening to some music to kick off our day. It was nearly time to wrap up the leisurely morning and start being productive when Shake came on. I danced in my chair for a moment and then got up and started to groove, with my arms swaying above my head, as my hips swiveled back and forth.
I feel it when you
I really want to
Come on and just
Never gonna stop
Feel it when it’s hot
I can’t remember now if it was my idea or James’ but at some point, I decided to take off my dress — slowly. Maybe it was the prompt from the song.
Take off that dress don’t make a scene now
Fortunately, our den was at the back of the house, and there was no danger of anyone seeing me from the street as I continued to rock out to the music in my underwear, moving to the song, before slowly peeling off my bra, and then eventually my panties.
Once the song ended, I straddled James and gave him a naked lap dance right there at 10 am on a Tuesday morning. He fondled my breasts as I shimmied them in front of him, completely unabashed about any of it. Our kisses were deep and passionate, reflecting the erotic tension that we’d built up while James watched me dance for him. Before long, his clothes were on the floor as well, and we were making steamy love on the sofa.
This was a huge breakthrough for me, although it was the culmination of much that had gone before it. In the past, whenever James had asked me to give him a private dance he was likely to get a laughing impression of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld at the company office party.
I was just too self-conscious, too awkward about my own body and my own sexuality to turn on my “sexy side” without the benefit of a darkened room and perhaps a couple of drinks to ease the inhibitions. I could let loose on a crowded dance floor, but not when I was the star attraction and certainly not in broad daylight. If we were both naked, that was one thing, but to slowly and purposely get naked while my clothed husband sat on the sofa and watched me, was just unthinkable until a few years ago.
What changed is that James supported me in exploring the depths of my sexuality so that I could begin to go past what I’d been taught about how I ought to look, and more importantly, how I ought to feel about displaying my sexual side. Although James has always been a loving and supportive partner, this went to a whole new level as we approached our late 40s and I started to ask myself who I really was. One of the things that came to me was the urge to find out what sex with James and another man would be like.
Fortunately, he was all for it. I’d brought it up one night as a mere fantasy and we enjoyed talking about what that might be like as we has sex, but in the morning, James told me that we could absolutely do that for real if I wanted to. As he later told a friend, there would have been no upside to being possessive or offended, and he could foresee a myriad of upsides to being open to it, particularly since his one caveat was that we would have a threesome with a woman as well.
Looking for play partners for these adventures led us to swinger’s clubs, dating websites, and one very memorable Craigslist ad, as well as a lot of truly frank and open conversations. I started buying more lingerie and revealing outfits both to wear to the club and at home. I hadn’t worn high heels much in years, but pretty soon they were back in the mix. We started taking sexy pictures of each other, and on very rare occasion, sharing them with other people. We had hot sex with each other a lot!
In the swinger’s club, I reclaimed my body and my sexuality from a culture that had taught me that it was not really mine or for my own enjoyment, but for the pleasure of the men around me. I learned what it was like to be less one-half of a couple and more of an independent person with a strong connection to the primary man in my life.
I had dalliances with other men and flirted with women. James taught me how to eat pussy using a mango half that he had artfully carved. We hired an escort and discovered that we both have the same taste in women. I started to peel back the layers of “should” that had been imposed upon me by society and instead began to explore what was really me. And as a result, James and I grew closer, more intimate, and had a hotter sex life.
What I discovered when I found my real uncensored sexuality was someone who isn’t afraid to dance naked for her lover, even in broad daylight on a Tuesday morning, because, in truth, I was really doing it for myself. I was really letting my authentic sensual self shine through and he was more than welcome to enjoy it, but I was expressing myself. No longer was I trying to figure out how to go through the motions to please him and hope that it wouldn’t be too embarrassing or awkward. I was stripping for the pleasure of it for me. I was wearing sexy outfits for the joy of expressing that side of myself.
Of course, the person who most benefited from my sexual awakening was me, but the person who was a close second was James. He got the benefit of the lingerie and quickies in the closet when our son was in the next room, but he also got the benefit of my newfound confidence and adventurousness. We’d always had a good sex life, but in supporting me in exploring what was beyond the more run-of-the-mill, James got himself a real-life sex goddess.
Even when I realized that I was in love with someone else as well, not holding on too tightly was what made it work. Being territorial, being possessive, shutting down her desires because they don’t fit some sort of preconceived notion of what a woman “should” be like — that’s not how you come to live with a sex goddess. We worked through the new angles and the bumpy parts together and now we live a life that makes us both really happy.
COVID has been cramping our style pretty good and caring for my dying mother kind of took the wind out of our sails as well. Now we’ve got my brother-in-law living with us for the next several months, and that’s another person to work around, but at some point, we will get our privacy and our mojo back. When that time comes, perhaps I’ll do another striptease in the living room one day when the sun is shining bright — a dance that I’ll do just for the fun of it — although James is more than welcome to watch.
© Copyright Elle Beau 2021
Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.
Don’t forget, if you enjoyed this story you can clap for it up to 50 times.