That Switchy Kinda Feeling: A Femdom Emerges
My submissive side begins to transform as my power rises in our connection. What will happen when that power is fully realized?
Being a Submissive
Submission is one of those words that everyone has an opinion about. Growing up in a deeply religious and horrifically dysfunctional family gives context to that word that is far from positive.
Why on earth would I — a strong, feminist woman — ever choose to be submissive to my male partner?
In my college days, I played submissive roles with a few boys. Being tied up, spanked, and bossed around a bit while giving out sexual favors was like a grown-up party game. Never heavy, never serious, and certainly never an actual surrender of any of my power in the play space. A pretty good case could be made that it was just a little more than a costume party.
What drew me to want to surrender myself to the power of my partner?
As I have been exploring my sexuality, submission is a multi-pronged thing for me. The initial attraction was wanting to know and experience my partner’s strength — physically, mentally, and emotionally. He is a force and I want to know all of him and absorb all of him.
By choosing to submit to him, I transfer my power to him in those areas while retaining and perhaps gaining power in the area of choice. That is the second prong for me. Submitting empowers me to set boundaries and to use my voice about my desires and wants.
I have felt powerless in my sexuality because of abuse, assault, and damaged relationships. Being a submissive gives me back authority in a powerful way. A single word makes everything stop.
The third prong is that I get to disconnect and just fall into him and his strength. Much of my sex life has had me at the helm. I like to be in control. Relinquishing my power to my dominant so he makes all of the decisions in a scene frees my mind and allows me to just be, feel, and live in the moment.
Finally, it is a complete rush and turn-on to be completely possessed by my dominant. Knowing that he has full power over my body and mind and wants to exercise it for my pleasure is a rush like nothing else.
In our play, I find that the openness and vulnerability that this brings to me is a freedom I’ve never experienced. To entrust this man with my body and my safety with my needs and wants on full display connects me to him in a way I’ve never been connected to anyone.
There is a deep intimacy that comes between us in these shared spaces.
But Then Again….
But a funny thing happened the other night in our oh-so-hot play session.
We have been playing in some ways that place my partner in a more submissive role. I have not felt particularly dominant in these spaces, but I have loved the dynamic between us.
The other night, we switched.
Not really planned or discussed. In fact, sometime back when we had discussed that we both switched, the conversations ended in a place where we didn’t think we could connect that way.
Typically, I love to fall into my feminine and let his masculine rule. Yet in our organic space of just following where the moment takes us, we found ourselves in a completely new power exchange — switched where I am in the dominant role.
It was incredibly raw and real. And his eyes in those moments…his vulnerability and needs laid before me.
I wished desperately for more information and a better understanding of what he needs and desires in those moments. But what I understood is that this is something I want to give him. This is a place that I want to explore with him.
The Aftermath
Unlike the games of conquest I played with the boys in college, dominance with my partner allows me to give him the gift of submission with all the beauty that comes with it. It’s not about controlling him, it’s about controlling the experience and that is something I love to do.
It was shocking to me how much joy and pleasure those shared moments brought to me and how much I longed to have more to offer to him. I loved how I found confidence in myself and my sexual expression that I had never experienced before that moment.
I want more of that. I want to give him more of me in that way and receive more of this part of him. The opportunity to learn how to love him in this way excites me as much as submitting to him does.
I suppose this is what can happen when two true switches play.
Just when I think we are finding the edges of how we play and where our comfort zones are with one another, an entirely new universe reveals itself.
I love this man and the hundreds of ways that we find to enjoy one another and this relationship we have built together. He intrigues me and I am determined to learn to love all of him well and to open myself so he can love me.
With trust and authenticity as our foundation, I am so grateful for his heart, his passion, his openness, and his willingness to explore these places and spaces with me. The amount of fun we have together is really ridiculous. I would not trade a single moment of it for anything this life has to offer.
Now where are my ropes???
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