Turning the Tables on my Spanking Fetish
How can a feminist reconcile being submissive?
I’ve had a spanking fetish for as long as I can remember — at least since my teens when I first started heavy petting. And I’ve been ashamed of it all that time. What’s wrong with me? Why am I thinking about being humiliated? I’m a strong woman. This fantasy is gross! Still, I couldn’t orgasm without it.
That doesn’t mean that I needed to be spanked in real life. Even though I was fantasizing about it every time I had sex (or every time I wanted an orgasm, which was not the same thing), I didn’t tell any sexual partners about it, much less give it a try, until much later with my husband, when I was in my 30s. And when I finally did try it? I found it disturbing in a way that shut me down rather than opening me up. It wasn’t erotic. It was too much.
Where did my fetish come from?
Over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out where my spanking fetish came from. I think it must have imprinted on my brain when I was spanked when I was small. That almost never happened in my childhood. But I do remember one spanking. My mother told me my father was going to spank me when he got home from work. I spent all day dreading it. Then when the time came, I had to go into his bedroom. I think he was…
