I have a confession to make: I’m the type of person who wants things immediately. From the planning stage, the resolve, and execution my assumption is that the reward I desire should soon follow. This has been a recurring thread in my life on numerous occasions and has materialized yet again.

My dealing as of late has been about June 22nd, 2015. For those who are unaware or for you to be reminded afresh this is when myself, and six others (with two already there) are being sent out to Portland, Oregon, for mission, city acquaintance, and city renewal through the saving power of the Gospel. Time will mostly be spent forging relationships with people in the city and giving ourselves over to teaching and further understanding(s) of urban ministry.

You may be curious as of why I’m concerned about the matter, especially when this seems to be a good thing to participate in (which it certainly is). But because Jesus loves me and is for my good (Prov. 3:11–12), through His word and others I've been shown that I've made a smaller thing more important than Jesus Himself.

St. Augustine, a Roman philosopher and theologian who has since passed said: “You have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

If this is true, than we have a maker who has made us to enjoy Him and to be completely satisfied in Him. He knows that anything or anyone else we try to rest in cannot hold fast. Our capacity for joy is so large that anything else besides God that we try to place our joy in will buckle and eventually collapse. In relating to my confession above, I've become ill-content with today. I've looked to June 22nd, the city of Portland, and the experiences that come along with it to deliver me and to satisfy. This is the outworking of idolatry.

Tim Keller said: “When anything in life is an absolute requirement for your happiness and self-worth, it is essentially an idol, something you are actually worshiping.”

What comes to mind for me in regards to idolatry are graven images or some sort of physical representation of what is ascribed as sacred. This is true, but can also be disguised subtly — which makes it all the more deadly. So because God has made us for Himself our pursuit of joy is not the issue. The issue lies in where or whom we’re placing our affections and joy in. If it’s not Jesus, we've become deluded that there is a better satisfaction than Christ crucified for sinners.

To make my heart believe again — more than just intellectually but also affectionately — I've been putting in front of me certain passages that help bolster the sufficiency of Jesus all the more:

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

-Psalm 16:11

“You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.”

-Psalm 145:16

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even while we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved.”

-Ephesians 2:4–5

By the Spirit’s empowerment as I push back unbelief I’m reminded by Matt Papa who said: “We worship our way into sin, so again, we must worship our way out.” My way out is not to try harder or do better (this behavior places everything on me) — rather it is to behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world! (John 1:29) The discipline of delighting in God is believing and beholding Him as who He has revealed himself to be. If June 22nd happens, I’m satisfied, not because of the trip at hand but because of what Jesus has done. If June 22nd doesn't happen for reasons unknown I’m still satisfied because of Jesus.