Everyone Secretly Hates Their Cell Phone. Here’s Why:

Origins:

I was born in the 90’s (92 to be exact.) As a child of the 90’s I’ve witnessed hundreds, if not thousands of technological innovations, and I’m amazed at how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time.
I remember my first encounter with a real, live cell phone. (My dad had just taken the position of senior pastor of a church and one of the perks of his new position as Senior Pastor was that it included a Nokia 5110 ; the first one I’d ever held in my hand.) I was blown away. This thing had a digital display and multiple ringtone options! (Marimba, hands down was the best one and every one of you reading this knows that.)

Why I Actually Hate Cell Phones:

Smartphones are awesome. Don’t think for one second I don’t completely geek out and obsess over the new releases’ display resolution, battery life, clock speed, or novel new feature. I love that stuff. For those reasons, I love smartphones. (Why I hate) smartphones, or rather the apps that are on them is for an entirely different reason.

My heart goes out to my generation. Through the means of the internet, smartphones, and social media, we are the most virtually connected creatures who have ever walked this earth. Why is it that I find so many people have so many friends (and followers) yet still feel lonely most of the time?

I believe the reason is because no one is themselves anymore; no one is real. (I say real like the long, whispery, heavy-emphasis-on-eeeee kinda real.) What do I mean by that? I mean hardly anyone is actually being honest with their true condition, or in other words, no one is being authentic.

One of the things I see people struggle with today is loneliness. But why? We can call, text, chat, comment, like, poke, retweet, swipe right, FaceTime, or email any person in the world, any time we please. Yet with all this virtual connectedness, why do so many still feel disconnected?

The Problem:

Nowadays when we use our phones and social media to socialize, often times it’s really only our filtered, surfacey selves that we’re allowing other people to see. We build up a Facebook wall to hide who we really are. The byproduct of only allowing our surfacey selves to engage with others’ surfacey selves, is that nothing actually happens. There’s no deep-down connection. We live our lives through our virtual public image not noticing that the entire time we’re secluding the person who we really are. Our real selves keep begging to hangout, but we keep ditching them so our virtual self can hang out with our “friends”. How would you feel? Or should I say, how do you feel? Because most of us, if we we’re being honest, would agree: long term, it doesn’t feel so good.

The Solution:

The good news is we don't have to go on living disconnected lives. After years of research, I've come up with my very own formula for fulfilling relationships:

F= A(V+C)

Let me explain.

Authenticity (A) cannot exist without vulnerability (V), and you cannot be vulnerable without being courageous (C). To willingly allow people to see your true self without knowing how they’ll react takes an immense amount of courage; fear of rejection is a real and ever-present thing. Being courageous enough to be vulnerable is what it takes to be authentic, and authenticity is the only key to unlocking the door of true, fulfilling friendship (F).

Vulnerability

If you are not vulnerable with your friends or family, then you cannot experience true love and happiness. True love and fulfillment can only be felt by your true self. If the majority of your social life is virtual (secluding your true self), chances are your life is not actually what you want it to be. The good news is, contrary to popular belief, you are not actually a victim; you have a say in how your life (and relationships) turn out!

You can be authentic and let your friends and family see and feel the real you. Be courageous and be the first to tell someone how much they mean to you.

It’s tough to be vulnerable. There may be times you get burned and there will alway be risk. But remember what Wayne Gretsky said about risk: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If you truly desire authentic relationships, then be authentic. You might be worried about shooting and missing, but remember: the path to success is paved with failure.

Every day you must decide: to be fearful and lonely, or to be courageous and loved. Which will you choose?