Day 20: The day I said no to Miss Universe
If it is meant to happen, it will.
I love this excuse because people apply it to everything: love, death, wealth, friendships, etc. This excuse is one of the main reasons why so many people don’t achieve their life goals.
I learned this when I was 18 years old and watching a polo match in Colombia. Miss Colombia, the runner-up for Miss Universe that year, was also in the audience. She was fantastic and young, with amazing skin and beautiful green eyes.
In the middle of the match, she stood up from her chair. While doing so, the heel of her shoe got stuck in the muddy grass. She tried to get herself out of the situation, but the heel wouldn’t give way.
Warning:
you are reading a chapter of my Book: Zero Excuses. Read the whole book here
The crowd of more than 50 young men, including me, watched her struggle to free herself. As she lost her balance and started to fall, we stared at the beautiful angel falling from the sky in slow motion — without doing anything.
To us, she wasn’t a woman. She was a goddess whose demise we were witnessing.
But then my uncle appeared and saved her like a Don Juan. He was Shrek rescuing Lady Fiona. After saving her, he sat with her and chatted to her for over 30 minutes.
I couldn’t believe it. My uncle, talking to Miss Colombia?
When he came back to sit next to me, he told me he had arranged a weekend away for her. He was the closest thing to James Bond I had ever seen.
On our way home, I asked him if he hadn’t been nervous about approaching her. After all, she was Miss Colombia.
My uncle looked at me and laughed. He said, “All attractive women suffer from the same problem: insecure men aren’t brave enough to approach them because they presume they’ll be rejected. Male fear is their biggest weakness.”
That event taught me that things never happen by default — you have to make them happen. Things only happen when you move your ass and take action. You will never find the love of your life without asking them out for a coffee, and you will never build a startup if you refuse to take the first step. The most significant events in the history of the world start with the first step, from the invention of the printing press to the launch of Facebook, to the guy who came up with the idea of letting people chase Pokemon…
You see, the reason why things don’t always happen eventually is related to a neurological condition rather than life itself. If you think back to the New Year’s resolutions you made on the last day of December last year, how many of them have you achieved so far?
Did you go on that diet?
Did you hit the gym?
Did you make it the best year of your life?
If you failed to achieve your resolutions, you are part of 88% of people who crash and burn in this respect, according to a survey by British psychologist Richard Wiseman.
But why do we fail if we want something so badly?
The main reason is that our New Year’s resolutions are rarely a priority to our brains. We have to use our willpower if we want to achieve our goals. However, before we try to improve our willpower, we have to understand what it is, where it comes from, and how it behaves.
First of all, it is important to know that our willpower factory consists of two parts in different areas of the brain: the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. These sections work together, and the flow of their communication defines how determined and self-controlled we are.
The limbic part of the brain contains the emotional side of our thinking. It brings motivation, passion, and drive. The prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, is the logical, serious part of the brain. This is where we analyze and rationalize our future actions.
Whenever the limbic system generates an emotional response, the prefrontal cortex interprets it. That allows the prefrontal cortex to produce the behavioral response that is most appropriate to the situation. Ultimately, it “controls” our emotions. The more active our prefrontal cortex, the greater our emotional control and stability, and the more willpower we achieve.
However, there is a tiny problem. We don’t have an infinite amount of willpower. Remember when you tried to say no to drinking, when you ended up spending the night with the wrong person, or when you gave up on a diet?
Like the muscles in your body, your willpower gets tired when you exercise it. Your prefrontal cortex has to recuperate and rest. With time and practice, it can become stronger and more flexible. The more we practice to set goals, the more likely it becomes we will reach them.
That’s why we rarely achieve our New Year’s resolutions: we only think of them once a year. When we fail to help a beautiful young woman and other men don’t hesitate to help her, that’s due to a difference in practice. The more we practice, the better our brain knows what action to take for a specific task.
So how do we stop the inertia and get started? By focusing on one task at a time.
Our biggest problem is that we try to do lots of things. When my uncle approached Miss Colombia, he just wanted to help her. He wasn’t thinking of talking to her, getting her phone number, or flirting. Those actions simply followed the first action.
The process of writing this book is a good example of how many things we try to do all at once:
I need to write what I want.
I need to research each chapter.
I need to be sure the information I write down is accurate.
I need to find the time to improve each chapter.
I need to find a way to make each section at least slightly relatable to my life and to the reader.
I need to hire an editor.
I need to coordinate with the editor how to improve the book.
I need to publish it.
I need to promote it.
I need to face my fears.
There are so many tasks involved that it can be tempting to give up.
Sounds familiar? I bet it does.
That’s why New Year’s resolutions don’t tend to come true. Because we have ten of them instead of one. Any task we enter in our prefrontal cortex is a huge load to our brain. Overtime is not our biological forte.
In 2002, researchers tested a group of students by asking them to write a quick essay. Half of them were asked not to think of a white elephant.
Easy? Not really. You just thought of a white elephant just because you read this, so imagine how difficult it is not to think of a white elephant while writing the essay.
After they were finished, the students were invited to have some drinks. However, they were warned they would be required to drive a car shortly afterwards. The results were fascinating: the students that had been asked not to think of the white elephant drank more beer, even though they knew they would have to drive a car.
Why is that? Because even the most straightforward tasks deliver stress to our prefrontal cortex. Stress is the easiest way for us to make wrong decisions. The more stressed you are, the worse you perform. Crazy, right?
I was pretty disappointed by this result. So we have to focus on things, but if we focus on too many, we get stressed and start making the wrong decisions? That’s not fair!
So the solution is simple: take one step. That’s all. Don’t overload your brain. Don’t overthink it. Don’t believe it will happen eventually because it’s meant to. Don’t wait, but take the first logical step in the process you want to achieve.
If this doesn’t seem attractive, then trust me: progress isn’t meant to be attractive, but mechanic.
Did you enjoy this? :
you just read a chapter of my Book: Zero Excuses. Read the whole book here
Day #20 Stats Goanna Social
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Overall Income : $7500
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73 days to go
