Day 35- What you and Lionel Messi have in common
Excuse #14: They will laugh at me
If we want to stop creating excuses that limit our behaviour and actions, we have to understand the reason why we create them in the first place.
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This is Chapter 14 of my Book Zero Excuses. Click here to change your life
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Well, the reason is that we are afraid.
As humans, we have a catastrophic approach to our own mistakes and weaknesses, mainly because we are scared of rejection. We believe our actions have a huge impact, so we live in constant fear of society’s judgment, ridicule, and criticism. We spend so much time being scared that we forget fear is not a useful emotion.
We tend to be aware of our self-doubt in familiar situations, such as our relationships with loved ones. In that context, we are usually more open to the concept of fear. Tears, drama, fear, jealousy, and emotions are generally acceptable because relationships are an emotional rollercoaster.
But what if fear also affects our approach to logical and mundane tasks? What if our brain is our main enemy in everyday human interaction and decision-making?
For the purpose of this book, I would like to consider our fears as a virus. That way we can isolate them, analyze them, and predict their behavior. The more we dissect our fears, the easier it will be to find a vaccine.
In order to beat our fears, we have to humanize them and realize that we are not the only ones suffering from them. Fears appear to be part of our existence. Regardless of whether you are an actor, an F1 driver, or a prime minister, everyone is scared of what other people think. Fear is everywhere and strikes every aspect of our lives, affecting our goals, self-confidence, and lifestyle.
Let me illustrate my case with the best soccer player in the world (which we should all just call “football”):
Lionel Messi.
This guy is the only player in history who scored more than 40 club goals in seven consecutive seasons. He has won five FIFA Ballon d’Or awards, more than anyone else. Moreover, he holds the Guinness World Record title for the most official goals in a calendar year (91 goals in 2012).
Let’s say he’s pretty good at what he does.
So surely, someone like Messi must be pretty confident about his own skills, right?
Wrong.
After missing one penalty (which caused Argentina to lose from Chile in the Copa America final), he announced his retirement from international soccer.
Before we discuss why Messi is so insecure that he decided to quit, it’s important to focus on the specifics of taking a penalty for a second. It is not a secret that penalty shots are a complex matter. Steven D. Levitt, Tim Groseclose, and Pierre-André Chiappori wrote an article about the prediction of game theory in terms of penalty kicks in soccer.
Interestingly, the article shows that from a mathematical point of view it makes total sense to aim for the center of the goal. Nevertheless, almost nobody does that. Based on statistics, it is the best option, but nobody wants to look like a fool.
In other words, fear of looking like a fool is the main reason why nobody aims for the center of the goal during penalties. After all, if the keeper stays in his original position, he will catch the ball and make the other player look ridiculous.
The fear of humiliation is so huge that it can influence our behavior at the core. Another great illustration is a recent episode of the Radiolab podcast, which focused on behavioral changes between public and private situations.
The study is based on Balls of Steal, a British TV show. It’s a pretty standard game show, but the end has a nice twist. In the last part, two players compete for a large amount of money that has been collected throughout the contest.
Of course, there is a catch. Each player has two balls. If they both show one ball, they share the final sum of money.
If the prize money is $10,000, they each go home with
$5,000. However, if one of them is greedy and shows two balls, that person gets to keep the full amount. If both players show two balls, they go home with empty hands.
In other words, if both players are willing to share, there’s no problem. But if they both want to have 100% of the prize money, they end up with nothing.
The interesting part of the scenario is that the viewer gets to witness the negotiation between the two players before they choose how many balls they will play. They often promise each other that they will only launch one ball, but half of the time those promises are just part of the game, and one player stabs the other in the back by showing two balls anyway.
The hosts of Radiolab were intrigued by this scenario and decided to replicate the game behind closed doors. To their surprise, in an intimate setting, 90% of the players shared their prize. Nobody wanted to trick the other participant, which was very different from the live show.
The reason for this difference in behavior is similar to the reason why soccer players kick penalties in the corners of the goal: we act differently when we know our actions could lead to humiliation. Being humiliated is one of the scariest things human beings can endure.
Let’s have a look at a list of global fears. You will see that they all have the same DNA. If you analyze this list, they all focus on one primary outcome: pain. In other words, they all follow the same pattern — we are afraid of X because it might cause Y, which will lead to pain.
Fear of flying — death — pain
Fear of public speaking — embarrassment — humiliation — pain
Fear of heights — falling — being hurt — pain
Fear of darkness — something scary — something hurting us — pain
Fear of intimacy — being exposed — being hurt by someone else — pain
Fear of failure — disappointment — sadness — pain
Fear of rejection — disappointment — sadness — pain
Fear of spiders — being bitten or attacked — becoming a mutant spider man — pain
Fear of commitment — getting involved — being in love — being disappointed — being lonely — pain
Do you see the pattern?
Every fear ultimately comes down to a fear of pain. The more we fear pain, the less we take actions that bring us close to it.
This is like teaching a kid not to be scared of dogs by screaming “RUN” every time a dog comes close to them. My job is to make you approach the dog. So let’s keep going and buy you the puppy you deserve.
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This is Chapter 14 of my Book Zero Excuses. Click here to change your life
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Day #35 Stats Goanna Social
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55 days to go
