Day 39 : The Unbearable Thought of asking for a Free Coffee

Excuse #16: What if I look like a fool?

You are a fool.

Just like me, and so many other people with big plans who freeze when facing tiny challenges.

No matter how amazing we think we are, we always underestimate the power excuses have over our daily lives. Excuses are like stealth ninjas that control our command center. That’s why I want to invite you to participate in an interesting experiment.

As you know by now, your brain is conditioned to create excuses. Try not to come up with excuses to avoid doing this exercise.

Our friend Lionel Messi has demonstrated that the fear of humiliation is one of the most powerful ingredients of our excuse factories. We believe our actions have huge consequences. If the world reacts to them, the humiliation will bring us embarrassment and pain.

We are like chickens, terrified of the opinion of the rest of the coop.

But whether you like it or not, humiliation is bound to happen. My kids will sooner or later be humiliated by omeone: a bully at school, a nasty co-worker, a cruel partner, or a bad date. The problem is not that humiliation exists, but that we try to escape it. We simply run away from situations in which we potentially risk being humiliated.

When someone has a phobia of dogs, do you think they will be able to eventually pet one if they run away every time they see one? It would be utterly terrifying for them. The only way to stop being scared of dogs is to get close enough to pet one. Obviously, if you want to help someone get rid of their fear of dogs, the choice between introducing them to a barking, 40-kilogram German Shepherd or to a labrador puppy would be pretty straightforward.

That’s why I have prepared a little puppy for you to pet. Bear in mind that this puppy is a small, fear-facing action. If you do the exercise, your reaction will surprise you.

The mission is simple, but it will test you to the core. Are you ready?

Go and ask for a FREE coffee.

That’s it.

Your mission is not to obtain the coffee for free. It’s just to ask for it.

Before you start objecting, let me anticipate your excuses. I know you’re already coming up with the “reasons” why you can’t do that. But let’s be honest: they are not reasons — they are excuses. Asking for a free coffee is easy, and you can do it.

You may be thinking:

I’m too shy.

They will think I have no money.

They will say no.

They will laugh.

What are they going to think of me?

They will get angry.

They will make fun of me.

They will think I’m making fun of them.

Let’s analyze this reaction.

Your brain is coming up with excuses because it is panicking. You already feel fear, embarrassment, and a feeling of discomfort — while you haven’t even done anything yet.

However, we are merely talking about a free coffee. Not a free house or a free car. This is something that costs less than $3 in a lot of places. You’re not asking a mother for her child’s liver. You’re just asking for a coffee in a place where you’ve purchased things before.

So why the fear?

Why the paralysis?

Embarrassment. You are scared that people will judge you. Let me prove it to you with a second challenge.

I want you to find a vending machine. Now I want you to try your luck and press the button to see if you get a free Coke. That’s it.

Do you think you can do it? Of course you can! Right?

The reason is that the machine is not judging you.

In both cases your goal is the same: to obtain something for free. However, in the first case, you have to face the world. You have to be willing to be judged. That, my friends, is terrifying.