iSelf: A Quantum (auto)Biography

Chapter 0

I’m a constant introduction to myself

Life is a constant addendum to the past.

The child divulges, these are all things he was too afraid to express growing up. The disclosing of a secret inner world believed to be impossible to articulate. Considered to be totally separate from the world he inhabited.

I am breaking the fourth wall of my own mind.

Overwhelming feeling with no where to go. With nobody to share it with, the feeling has no where to move but in itself. Amplified and chaotic, it longs to be let out. Given all the energy of the universe in proof, how does a body handle amplified feeling? It all jumbles together into the whole experience of life in the moment. The mind does not need it. The body has no where to put it, but to everywhere plus some. Sharing and expressing seem to be the only avenues to free the body of the monumental feeling of ‘everything’ and ‘nothing’ at the same time. The imagination classifies it as overwhelming love. At times how could something this painful, be love. It is all energy feeding the Being from marijuana. Weed is a direct line of energy from nature. A candid perception of all pervasive love from the environment. Unaware, unconscious, or asleep to reality and this ‘excess energy’ will be translated to fear, struggle and stress because the imagination forgets how the child tells an energetic story of love and possibilities without words, but only chronicles a mind-self birth and death storyline of a single lifetime. I am focussing on one thing, watching the mind do infinite things with imagination. A jolt into nature, a syncing experience of mind, body and universe.

Some make their temporary self last a lifetime, others will invent many lifetimes to contain an immortal Self.

A mind trained not to look back, and a mind unknowing to the existence of future. When all the moments are special, the bigger time-aware moment becomes the only way to differentiate the sameness. When sadness befalls the mind-space, the aggregated groups of time remembering become more attuned to the mistakes, regrets, imperfections and what’s absent from life. What I could change, what I fear. How I’m wasting my time. How I could better use the moment. Someplace better to be other than here. What you remember has meaning to the mind. What you forget you loved perfectly. I’m exactly the person who I need to be in each moment. There is nothing missing, or imperfect about the simplicities of the present moment, environment, and self.

What you choose to remember is that which has meaning behind the meaninglessness.

The matrix is whatever the system of control is. The matrix can be the whole of reality in certain perceptions. Even aware that television is a part of the program. A part of the system of control, I indulge, and sometimes judge myself for how much I do watch. I try not to watch as much, but then also feel like I’m losing a love. I love some of these shows, yet in putting them in the matrix, they become what I detest. The dark sides of seeking the rabbit holes of the matrix, is the illusion becomes everything. Layers and layers of illusion. Answers solved tear the illusion down. What you strive to see stricken from the program, the control, is also what you rely on for happiness. We love being slaves to it. I love being a slave to it. It is not about taking down the system, no. It is about loving the system in a freer way. To have full freedom inside of it, while enjoying the spoils of the dream. Once the narrative of the moment is not about good vs bad, or taking ‘out’ evil, what will the mind focus on? Do imperfections become the evil? Does the self become evil? Does the self become self-centered as it is within the universe? Escaping the mind-program of the human experience is a double edged sword. You are revealed ultimate and powerful truths about the illusion, but the growing pains of Spirit will still happen because you go back to being a child to the environment, fully experiencing the gamut of both love and fear, sometimes at the same time, how it was designed before a mind got self-identified. Nature, evolution, and quantum mathematics. When the awareness is projected outside the system, there is a surrender to newly evolved whims of consciousness. You give up the mind controlled, dull-drum familiar for chaotic, brilliant, fantastic newness. You are given a focus within an attention hyperactive system of complex, highly intelligent minds couriered through life unknowing of their true selfs. Focus in a world of suffering is a hard thing to wield sometimes. Surrendering to a chaotic program in higher trust, and a new relationship with good and bad gets understood. Deeper and deeper temporariness is realized. A new scope and freshness to the stark duality of the mind. They both are embraced because it is what you are without anything, as nothing. To get to open imagination is to empty the mind of all contents and self. Regardless of a non-existent self, a signature in quantum time seems to have always been creating and I can see it through infinite future.

You can be the greater power you surrender to.

Understanding the Puzzle to enjoy the Game

The puzzle is escaping out of self-conscious, to reveal the game of self-awareness.

The prize: peace, love, joy, freedom, unity.

To see the dream for what it is. To wake up. Then to be free to create your own destiny moment by moment.

When we do not consider ourselves to be the mind or the body, we are free to create our own joyful story about a human existing in this time and space. There is an infinite newness of experience ready to manifest when we step outside the body of identity and old human evolution.

I am not scholarly by book standards. I am not well-read. I may not be a PhD. I am not your normal writer. I am writing from a different intelligence than is measured by that of society consciousness. I am postulating the world of my individual imagination to understand a common reality. I see myself as a child, discovering things about consciousness every single day. Realizations without past and future become new thoughts in themselves. I have a Bachelor of Sciences, Business degree with a speciality in entrepreneurship. If I could aim my speciality in regards to the goal of my writing, it is the big picture thinking needed to hold a business (self) under conceptual understanding. Abstractly holding and interpreting many labels from the construct of the imagination, and grasping meanings of experiences that usually blend together unconsciously. Hopefully shedding some light on the magic of the illusion of the human mind and the human experience from a child’s perspective.

What is the story one tells when one is given an eternity of free time in an imagined present existence free of past and future constraints? This is the story of a mind. This story has multiple quantum timelines. These timelines represent characters of the mind. Within a timeline there consists multiple temporary selfs at the invention of the author. The timelines are quantum, in that they run parallel, perpendicular, layered anywhere in space time imagined inside the brain of a body in the third-dimension. How you make sense out of the universe of chaos, is how the child first perceived reality with a new mind. The evolution of the mind is the evolution of the program above the environmental program translating light information with logic and emotion. Old evolution has the belief that contained within the brain is a mind. Invented in this mind is an identity to fit in with society, so humanity can run properly. Program the individual to stay within the bounds of ‘good’ and society will run properly.

A child thinks he is immortal, and then a program is inserted between heart and infinite imagination. This program tells him otherwise. It is counter, doubt, and disbelief. This program is self-conscious fear. This is the human experience. In new evolution, I’m postulating a theory that the mind can be reprogrammed to understand immortality in imagination while the mind-self can play within the third-dimensional world in infinite play. To manifest the world of your dreams by seeing the moment as it is. To understand the puzzle of the mind, to enjoy the game of the human experience to its fullest extent. To rid the program of suffering in a temporary, evolving process inline with love and Spirit.

It is when an individual human mind and the collective human species step outside of the human experience, will we see the next stage of universal evolutionary intelligence here on Earth.

I do not want Spirit to be taken incorrectly. This is not a religious work. This book is a genre I call Philosophical Science Fiction. Mind, Body, Spirit. It is utilizing both sides of the brain in connected concert with left(logic, computer) and right(emotion, child) brains obscuring the line between reality and make-believe. Using my mind as the baseline of experience, I scientifically theorize elements of my imagination to perceive reality converse to the way self-conscious fear will have you believe is the only way to exist. By connecting the logic through time back to the pure child, evidence for Spirit can be observed through fluctuating time relativity and forgetting. Immortality can be understood, the temporary nature of the self can be felt, and You can have freedom from the mind. Freedom from the useless, antiquated mind-identification of scarcity, fear and identity worries of stress plaguing the human condition keeping it from evolving to the next stage of consciousness evolution already happening on Earth.

The secret magic of the universe can be truthfully proven through the loving, open, creative, inventive combination and quantum connection of philosophy, science, and spirituality. This will manifest a perception of total freedom.

Daybook Journal Entry — August 2013 — self-awareness vs self-conscious

And suddenly time warped around a self in space.

What do I want to create when nobody is there.

Chapter 1

An atom bomb inside the time track.

At 22, I have my first LSD experience. The moment blew up everything in my mind, time-awareness protocols as past and future were scoped to what seemed like an infinite distance. I was not myself, yet I was in my body. It seemed like I was operating from a different place. Though I did not understand it at the time, it set me on a puzzle hunt in search of some deep, transcendent consciousness treasures.

For a brief moment in his life, he was shown cosmic consciousness.

Feelings that were so irrational and unclassifiable flooded my reality, consuming and destroying my mind-self. Illusions were shattered, and my whole existential self was questioned. I would describe what happened as an ego death experience putting me on a lifetime search for realization.

Daybook Journal Entry — February 2012 — Acid Edition:

Didn’t think I could ever get here all through life. Attain enlightenment and achieve everlasting joy. Relegated to hoping for a better future. Reliving it All from the past. Never in the here..the Now, Being. At first I didn’t think it was fair to feel this good, but presently it all doesn’t matter. This is the next phase of Our reality, Our evolution. Ever-present, Awoken to the universe of possibilities. Never to be the same again. Ego dragging me down all the time. Took it by the balls and showed it whose boss. Spiritual enlightenment is mine forever. Time is no more only a timeless moment in the now. The connectedness of it all, blind to it I had the gall to question and ignore what is in the world of the now. Open your eyes its all around you. Truth is beyond the filter of the mind. Lower your guard.

The words just want to come out of me I can feel the power of the unmanifested energy seeping through my pours. It just wants to come out and my mind just wants to be used for something. The LSD is actuating my mind +1 so it’s really being used to energize and the euphoric feeling is so intense that I need to give my mind other stuff to process in terms of past and future. I am simultaneously her now and in every past and every future at the same moment. Thats what I feel in my mind. I am everywhere, and everything I Know. All the possibilities are being drawn at the same time. At this now the mind is +1’d to perceive All it can. Imagination, feelings, emotions, everything is being used to potential.

Supercharged presence.

My goal was perfection. There was so much wrong, so much to change, so much to have, and so much to get. There were so many rough edges that I needed to fix. I needed to be better at self-love, self-worth, self-confidence. The milestones before I could be satisfied seemed endless. The path of self-awareness is lined with challenges of cosmic importance. Finding myself, discovery, realization, truth, freedom; these were the things that interested me. I was lost.

I was seeking, I just didn’t know what for. Once the mind-computer in me figured out understanding understanding it led me on an addictive route of truth realization wisdom highs. I began consuming and consuming, knowledge after knowledge. Assimilating it, connecting the logic and emotion. I became a new person after each book I’d rapidly read. Self-improvement, self-betterment, seeking the ‘Self’, meditation, perfectionism, spirituality, power, curiosity, hope for a better future, and freedom were some of the broad goals fueling my path.

He set out unconsciously to have all of his death bed realizations in his 20’s so he wouldn’t have to worry about anything or struggle ever again.

I would describe my life growing up as a monorail inside consciousness. The goal became to abolish the system of the unnecessary, unneeded, antiquated, and bad thoughts from ever having control over me.

Jeremy Lasman·
9 min
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