My Awesome Phone (No one Cares What Your Phone Can Do)

23 Sep My phone walked into a bar and said to the bartender, “Can you call me a cab.” The bartender said, “You’re a cab.” My phone said, “Thanks, I needed that.” Then aliens landed in the parking lot and started selling grapefruit. When they were done my phone hitched a ride with them to Planet 9 and I’ve been frantically setting and unsetting the alarm on my digital watch ever since.

24 Sep 10,000 years ago my phone woke up suddenly from a dream and started making pancakes. It wasn’t even hungry. Then a pack of wolves rushed in, pissed on the pancakes and drank all the beer. My phone hid in the pantry and nibbled on dry spaghetti until they left. Then it coughed up a hair ball and went back to sleep.

25 Sep One day my phone dressed up like a 3-legged dog and followed a circus clown to the laundromat. The clown pretended not to notice and put his head in a front-loader to wash. He left it there while he went to get bagels and a cappuccino. My phone wagged it’s tail, then stole a Hawaiian shirt from a dryer and went to the movies. It was a good day.

Patrick Barabe·
3 min
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10 cards

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