Once a Twitter Thread

This Intro is longer than all the rest of the content put together

Serves me right…

I thought I could scroll endlessly to the bottom of my Twitter pit to gather and republish those threads that marked certain kinds of internal conversations about my experiences, ranging from the simple to the more complicated, but, unfortunately I can only access four stories as there is a limit to how far down I can scroll, the rest will have to continue on as my life progresses on twitter and then I will add to these, hopefully.

I was once gifted a leather bound journal for my birthday, it was a really beautiful small book, and the leather smelt especially inviting, it reminded me of those journals you saw in movies that old witches wrote spells in, or a lover documented their great story, or a poet…so it was automatically special. I remember finding it difficult to write in my journal because I wanted everything that I put in it to be especially perfect, precise and full of wisdom. Problem with these expectations I put on myself and the journal was that I wasn’t quite wise, nor was I perfect and I ended up instead instilling great anxiety and hesitation in myself when I wanted to write something, I was trying so hard to sound as poetic as possible, to discover depths that weren’t necessary, to have the beautifulest handwriting and of course always with a black ink pen. I hardly filled this leather bound wonder before i finally misplaced it, which hit me with both loss and relief, as I had managed to write some beautiful thoughts in it anyways, but I was free from my imagined cell of expectations. Im talking about my journal because I remember in several other moments I found it easier to write in scraps of paper I had cut into small sizes, these were cheap papers I bought in somolu, I cut them myself, and no witch or poet or lover went to somolu to buy this cheap bond paper, it was not necessary to expect anything, and so I wrote everything in them, FREELY! And I was free to even discard them without the burden of losing something so wise. One day I was writing in my scraps, journaling an experience and i became upset that I was writing this beautiful thing in this scrap paper and not my journal, it was so interesting to watch myself in that moment, then I realised I was comfortable with starting with this cheap paper because I hadn’t put any expectations of the direction of what I was trying to express, I was just happily going with the flow, and of course the content of my scraps felt more true.

In relation to this series, I find an interesting connection between the experience of my leather bound journal versus cheap scrap paper and the twitter threads I make versus my posts on blogging sites ( in this case, medium). I realise that I find it difficult to start a story on my medium because of the nature of these same kind of expectations, and so what happens is that I over analyse and overthink what it takes to make a post and how it must seem, and because of that, I hardly ever motivate myself enough to just do it or complete it. On the other hand I can allow myself fall into the river of the ever flowing thread on Twitter, where I attach no expectations and will actually allow self to go into a rant so naturally…about three tweets in I begin to see that I could compile all of this into a worthy-ish medium post, and I’m half-defeated, but then I carry on anyway, usually finishing in an awkward way. That’s what this series is, trying to seamlessly exhibit those threads (yes pun intended) and possibly build on them.

Internal Vs. External Motivation

•It’s really interesting to consider how we value external motivations for why and how we choose to express ourselves, elements like,“the possibilities of the kind of people who will receive your message/expression” meaning those who will understand can be such a strong motivation

•And it’s half-pathetic, because that limits the power of self motivation for the sake of just expressing oneself. Even the fervor to which we employ our mental and physical faculties is heightened, we create the better work only because we imagine that it is to be understood…

•And creatively it’s something that I’ve had to work through and I’m still working through, so much so that this thread in itself is what it speaks about. #mentalinception

Considering Appropriation after listening to a podcast Adeju sent me

•Need to read up more about appropriation but I mostly feel like I can’t wait for this cup to pass over the world…

•The lines are so thin, so differentiating in the opposite direction of how we claim we want the world to be. And of course riddled with contradictions…

Tundu Deske·
11 min
8 cards

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