SocSec Diaries : My plan to die

I plan to die.

There is always the natural murderer, time. It is going to crawl up, sooner or later.

Its claws shall dig into my skin and leave it with dimples and dents. Its silent blows will leave my bones brittle and ready to fracture at the slightest sign of stress. My organs will slowly wind down and my scalp will stop producing hair dye.

That’s natural death. That’s not my plan though.

I plan to die by suicide.

You must be aware that suicide is now de-criminalized in India. Law concludes that if I am contemplating suicide, I need help.

It is true — I need help! But before you rush to help me, allow me to make my case. Let me share with you how I plan to take my own life.

I have researched various ways to die — from jumping from heights to inhaling laughing gas and from overdosing on sleeping tablets to slicing wrists. But there is nothing more elegant than the method I have finally settled on.

I am going to die by running out of money to live.

I am going to spend all the money I have and can reasonably borrow, till there is no money left to spent. Broke, I will have no money to buy food or medicine. This will let time act faster than it normally can, and it will creep on me very quickly. I shall become dust.

Maybe you should help me. Maybe you should try and deal with the cause of my suicide. Will you do that?

Please, be my guest!

So what is it that I need to do to live? You will need to inspire me to work, to earn and to save. This will make sure I have enough money, which in turn will buy me food and hence life.

It is blatantly obvious isn’t it — that one has to work in order to survive. If someone refuses to work, they are choosing death by bankruptcy.

What will you do, if your motivation does not work on me? What if I refuse to do any work, any labour of any sorts?

Hmmm….now this problem gets a little tricky.

You may try to save me by feeding me something or the other, by charity. You are a good samaritan who really cares, aren’t you? But then, instead of me, now you will have to work extra. It seems that someone HAS TO work.

What if I cannot work though (forget I do not want to, I am now moving to the zone of disability). Does that change the case?

If I am able to prove to you that I am incapable of doing any productive work?

Then perhaps it will be time to huddle up my relatives and tell them to contribute for my survival. We could also invite a few friends and ask them to share some of their hard earned money, to feed me.

They are unlikely to refuse, but if they do, then I am back on track with my suicide plan, am I not?

So that is the plan then. I am going to park myself at a well visited public place, and start my process of dying there.

Not too long ago, a person could be punished for an attempt to commit suicide, almost as if his life was not his but of the state. Let’s assume for a moment, that we are still in that regime and I am dragged to court for wanting to die.

The case is on me.

At this point, I am going to do something that I feel (in my head) is a master stroke. I am going to reverse these suicide charges into the charge of homicide. An attempt to murder.

Yes my friends, it is a grave story, but there has been an attempt to murder me.

What seemed like a suicide all along (death by bankruptcy) was actually me being allowed to die (or in an active sense, being killed).

Who do I accuse of killing me though?

For now, let us say I accuse all of humanity — the society of my murder. I am going to make my case against humanity, if you give me a chance to, your honour (the reader).

May I proceed?