I want them to know that im really not okay. Everyday im struggling to get up in bed and deal with people again. I always pretend im happy around my friends and content with what I have and what problems came I just shrugged it off but the truth is im covering the pain with a smile on my face and a glorious laughs. I want them to know that my life im living is not what i wanted and im not happy. Mama, Papa, friends, im sorry for keeping this. I dont want people to know that Im hurting deep inside my soul because I know they will never ever understand my sadness and pain.
The sun is up and im still in my bed contemplating if ill start studying for my exams later or continue my sleep. You know everyone knows how sleep is like nourishing our exhausted soul, but still everytime I wake up from deep sleep i still feel empty and just want to disappear from this horrific world of mine.
I dont know if what im doing is right, to not share what i really feel when I am ask by someone. Will it change what i feel if i open up to them and give me advises? NO. Some would say “okay lang yan mas malala pa problema ko sayo” or “kaya mo yan”, these are BULLSHITS. I guess thats just it. No one can save me from this sadness and pain. No one can overwhelmed me with happiness. People should know that those words fucked up. Its not helpful with people like me.