Which Pick up Artist school did the last guy subscribe to?
Giovanni checks his phone at 1.47 am in the morning after he finishes his DJ gig.
There was this interesting new girl on Tinder who has texted him about their plans the next day — he thinks about where to take her — she is new to town, seems interested in art, and hot. He wonders if he will get lucky tomorrow. He then hopes she won’t take it too seriously, like the girl from last month, who texted him asking to be in a relationship — he felt bad about having to cut her off, she had seemed nice, but he was enjoying this phase, meeting different people, and bouncing his passions off of them, and he did not have the time to hash out emotional concepts with her. He wonders about the life he would have made for his ex girlfriend had he started earning like his friends — pursuing his PhD, and his love for writing for magazines was a hard decision. He will wake up tomorrow afternoon, and have his best game face on, but it wont stop him from making a genuine connection if the person warrants it.
They had been texting back and forth. She had decided to expand the range of people she spoke with, to include the creatives: the ones with musical talent. She had been pleasantly surprised — he could converse with humour, and heart, and was an excellent conversationalist. He came across as socially astute, genuinely passionate about the work he did, and how he didn’t find enough time in the day to do everything he set out to do. She couldn’t wait to meet him. 6 feet tall, with a head of messy hair, he looked like a crazy DJ. and while he was a DJ, he was pursuing his PhD in biochemistry, while writing for a cycling blog. He said hesitatingly, but earnestly “my writing for the cycling blog doesn’t pay me, but I do it anyway”. She sensed he had received a lot of flak for keeping the hobby going, and her heart melted.
The chemistry between them was crackling. They had sex on the first date.
“Why did you not text me that evening after you left? Don’t you know that a girl feels like shit when you don’t initiate immediately after? What is wrong with you?”
She had asked him if he wanted something serious, and he had wholeheartedly answered her questions at every given point, and addressed her emotions at every point. “Like I want a relationship” she blurted, over text.
He responded immediately: “I’m sorry I just read this, and I wanted to process my response. I’m flattered, I want to get to know you better, but I am just coming out of a long-term relationship with my ex-girlfriend who wanted more. I don’t see anything sentimental coming out of this”. He felt a little sad, but mostly happy that he had never gone ghost on her, or shamed her for being vulnerable.
She was sad but grateful and certain he would make some girl very happy.
Interpretation: It was pretty much what he had generally presented himself as being: he was a young PhD student, who maintained a couple of side gigs, and who loved being around people. As he expressly indicated, he was not interested in a long-term serious relationship, and did not want to have mislead anyone.
95% self-improvement, 5% red-pill.
The Present
The counsellor looked taken aback. “Yes, I know exactly how twisted this sounds: this guy who works in the office cabin next to mine, who is in a troubled relationship with another girl in a different country, propositioned me, and I want to say yes”. Until then, the counsellor had heard the run-up to the interaction — how the two had met at work, how they had been flirting lightly, and had gone out on their first date, where he had informed her that he had a long term girlfriend and only had sexual encounters with people he met.
“But what do you think you will find when you say yes to this misogynist?” she gasped.
“I don’t know. I believe him when he said that this is the most I can get from him.” She said with her head hung down in shame.
She then launched into a lengthy narrative. Exhausted with the dating scene, she had deleted all online-dating apps, and had settled into a mundane existence where she had neatly substituted one vice for the other: she studiously consumed 5 scoops of gelato every day (one coconut, two mango scoops, one green tea, and one strawberry, in case you are curious) while binge-watching TV shows. She was quite happy, although bored, and she was getting rather plump. Then, he had started speaking with her. One day, she realised he had walked her to the office gate, and was walking back in, having gone out of the way just to interact with her — definitely not a coincidence, not an office pleasantry. That was the last day she had gelato that year.
Boyband good looks, bluish-grey eyes which seemed to change colour whenever he changed his shirts, and an incredible dreamy smile, when she had run into him for the first time, her heart had stopped. This was the guy she had had a crush on since she had started her new job, they had started talking three months after she had first noticed him.Boyband good looks, bluish-grey eyes which seemed to change colour whenever he changed his shirts, and an incredible dreamy smile, when she had run into him for the first time, her heart had stopped. This was the guy she had had a crush on since she had started her new job, they had started talking three months after she had first noticed him — so, it was pretty much a sign from God.
The Guy
He is uneasy, he shakes his blonde hair off his startling blue eyes, he takes a quick coffee break, flashing an easy smile at every person he recognises on the way to the coffee machine. Who doesn’t love Daniel? He is furious about his last conversation with Sandra — they had decided to be exclusive after attempting an open relationship. She hadn’t been reachable three days in a row: this is how their problems had started earlier. He returns to his office, and he looks over at his Skype for Business account. He counts 14 prospects — he just needs to get the girl on the third floor outside a couple of times, and a little drunk: he is sure something could happen there. He wonders if he should tell her that he doesnt see the potential for anything serious with her, and he decides it is not worth the trouble. the last girl who he disclosed that to, told 5 girls on her team who glared at him every time he passed. The girl herself had turned into a self-righteous indignant bitch who turned away everytime she ran into him. He had wanted to be honest, and to save her the pain, but it was possibly never worth it.
What had happened
She noticed that he went out of his way to speak with her: he was generally very respectful, and looked like someone who was taking it slow. She mentioned it to her close female colleague, who had found her husband in the same workplace. Running into each other on office corridors became something to look forward to, and she was intently waiting to go out with him. He had walked into her office right before his flight to Croatia. Her colleagues knew they were talking to each other and something could happen. She was extremely excited.
They finally went out on their first date. He had downed half a glass of beer when she had walked in. His speech was slurred, and he seemed slightly cocky.
“Where did you work before this?” he asked her for the fourth time. It was slowly hitting her that he probably never listened to anything she said, and she wondered if he even remembered a bit about all their interactions. But the date got worse.
He went on to bluntly proposition her after informing her that he had someone in his life. “We have sexual tension, and I just wanted to be clear”.
“Why don’t you go use Tinder! Why would you proposition your colleague!” she exclaimed.
“Where’s your phone? Do you have tinder on it now?” he chuckled, his eyes twinkling.
“If I saw you on it, I’d probably swipe right — been there, done that” she murmured, trying to brush away how her heart skipped a beat.
“You’ve been there, but you haven’t done that”, he corrected. She had to laugh.
“Break up with that girl. Let’s give it a shot. It is evident that you guys are having a hard time making it work now”, she had tried to reason.
“Despite all the fighting, and toxicity, there is this overwhelming, compelling urge for us to just be together”. She choked back her tears: here was someone on a first date with her, pointedly defending his relationship with his ex/girlfriend. She wished she had never brought it up. “If you are both in such an unhealthy relationship, why don’t you break up?” she had urged.
“You mean, the whole time when I was playing office wife to you, you had someone?” she blurted.
He still attempted to negotiate — he asked her if the sex was enjoyable on tinder. which is what he wanted the conversation to be about. and she answered him briefly. But although she held her own during the conversation, she was afraid she would give in.
Two days later she went to the counsellor’s office because she was fighting back an urge to go back and tell him that she would agree to see him on his terms.
She saw him the next day, and the next day, and the next day, for the next three months. Every single time, she either looked away, or tersely greeted him. every time she saw him, she looked at someone who had thought it would be a great idea to have someone who worked in the next office serve as his own personal distraction, while he maintained his long-term troubled relationship. What was even more appalling was how he had had the gall to explicitly say so to her. Needless to say, it was awkward.
But it got better.
A whole months later, they spoke to each other warmly for the first time, again. There was no heaviness in the air, nothing had happened, and a possible messy affair had been averted.
Interpretation:
A young boy who did not want to cheat his prospects (atleast within the workplace) possibly after seeing them being disappointed, hurt and bitter. The girl presumed that the channel through which she had met the guy, office, insulated her from the usual mess of meeting someone on a dating app.
The channel itself insulates noone — we have to remain switched on at all times. Non-monogamous: 65%, Self-improvement: 35%.
He wonders where to take her and looks inside this wallet: 50 euros — he knows he will end up spending about 20–30 euros on each date until he hits, and he puts it down to an essential investment in the cause: he only bedded beautiful women, they came at a price, and he liked to court in style. Pity he didn’t have a job as yet, but he soon will.
He has borrowed a cashmere sweater from his best friend he goes cycling with. He looks after at this brother who is suffering from depression, and thinks to himself “You know, you should atleast try to get a job, and keep busy”. On the way to the wine bar, he goes over the rules mentally: let her talk, emote back, break the touch barrier instantly, and seem optimistic about the job search.
He smiles to himself. Ever since he added the last photograph of him in a white shirt with the top three buttons open, the quality of the girls swiping right on him have gotten better.
When they met at a popular wine bar two hours later, she couldn’t help but smile. He was strikingly, no, startlingly, handsome, with a pronounced Italian accent, and seemed to fancy her enough to want to splurge on a good bottle of wine. Conversation between them flowed easy and he touched often and easily.
“You’re not drinking your wine, you’re just sipping”, he laughed, while lightly grazing her knee.
He chose good red wine, and he picked a well populated piazza where he used to go to with his friends when he studied in college. She was impressed by how he planned the date, and was flattered to be taken to a place which had an emotional connection to his growing up. He emoted well — he found her closeness with her younger sister beautiful, and he found his own bald head beautiful, and was deeply engrossed in her. He shared multiple instances of his brother’s depression, his inability to swim because of his injury and how it made him tear, and his mother’s illness. She was beginning to feel close to him.
He reached across to touch her necklace, “I have never seen anything like it in Rome, did you get it in India?” She was startled at the sudden intimate touch, but she did not push him away, but proceeded to tell him about the necklace.
When asked about how his interview went, he responded with “I am good at what I do, and I come off as being impressive and socially skilled, I fully expect them to call me back”, she liked his confidence. He treated her with respected, offered to cook for her, and came home to pick her up. He confessed to having borrowed his sweater from his friend.
They had proceeded to have a very reassuring conversation on each other’s morals surrounding sex. “Yes, it is shocking when someone shows up 15 years later, when I’m married, and says I’m your kid”. He was 27, and she registered that conversation with concern — so if she wanted to be in a serious relationship, she should be dating people who were in their early-mid forties?
She spoke about him positively to her friend back home, and stocked her fridge with things she could cook him, and waited for him to reach her. She didn’t worry too much the first five days, because they had decided that they would wait a while before reaching out. On Friday, she was annoyed at being given the short notice to dress for the date.
Seated across him at her dining table, snapping open her pistachio, she told him that she generally got attached to someone right after sex: “It’s oxytocin, see.”
“Are you sure it’s oxytocin, and not you?” he had teased.
I mentioned that I generally get attached after sex, and sex is a big deal for me. I went on to mention the whole oxytocin theory to which he asked me how much of that was oxytocin, and how much of it was just me.
He said, “But you are a strong girl”. After reassuring her right after they had been intimate, and allowing her space so they could see each other again on Friday evening like they had done the last two weeks, he had said “My phone may not have signal tomorrow, I’m going to be cycling the whole day in some areas with no signal, so, if you haven’t heard from me, I must have have been attacked by a bear, or fallen off a cliff!” He left her house, and she rapidly deleted his number, a trick she had learned to minimize any needy texts from her end.
She thought about him all day next day: how she had been uncomfortable, and how he had encouraged her to stop, and not pressured her at all.
Five days later she got nervous. He had still not texted her to fix the next date, and she didn’t have his number.
She called her friend back home, recounted the details from the last two dates, and cried.
“Maybe he did fall off a cliff and die…” her friend sounded aghast at the unanticipated ghosting.
She was ashamed that her judgment could have been that far off the mark. She went back over their interactions and tried to understand where she had gone wrong, and wondered if he had deleted her number too.
She thought about it again: here was someone who did not have a job, but who was getting involved with someone who was employed — was he feeling ashamed? She did not know.
Amidst the warm memories which were rapidly turning ugly, she remembered two distinct reactions she had been unable to shake off. She realised with a feeling of unease that she never saw a display picture on whatsapp, and she had never asked, assuming maybe he did not have a display picture.
When they had discussed movies, they had discussed the logic behind the movie “Gaslighting”: while she had found it deeply disturbing, he had found the ability of a man to influence his wife’s mental sanity by gaslighting her be a brilliant concept, revealing his views on the propriety of using deception to achieve a goal while inducing massive self-doubt and creating intense pain for the target.
When they had discussed bullying, he had mentioned with pride that he had been the bully, and that he had never been bullied, and he had set the social norms in his high school, and he believed that was the normal social structure.
Interpretation: Someone who was still in his early days of turning into a red-pill man. His taste for luxurious items and beautiful women and possible distaste for cheap dates could have confused his date, who might have mistaken the relatively expensive dates for a real courtship. Ruthless in his approach, he had displayed seasoned game: sales man techniques, matched disclosure, emoted well.
Yet, there were two “leaks”: the unabashed appreciation of the movie Gaslighting, and finding bullying acceptable. Red-pill: 55%, Self-improvement: 45%.
Read “Which Pick up Artist school did the last guy subscribe to?” on a larger screen, or in the Medium app!
