Why I moved next door to my Psychoanalyst.

Applause from Michaela Greeley and John Vars

Kenneth Helman

singer/songwriter/educator/real estate dabbler

Nov 29

I Fell in love with my Psychoanalyst,then moved next door to his vacation home.

Yeah, I know…

I’ll give you a moment…

OK, I can explain. It’s just gonna take a little time.

Hawaii’s a stunning place. Restful. A Sanctuary for some.

After a year and a half, I’m selling my newly remodeled home,and heading to BERLIN!

This series will walk you through my life as a previously confirmed urban dweller,transitioning to a new community that is so remote, you have to drive 25 miles round trip to go to a real grocery store. I want to offer up my observations and experiences as succinctly as I can,with as much truth,humor,authenticity, and sincerity that I can muster.

I also want to offer up some of my reflections,in my quarter century of Jungian psychoanalysis.

It’ll be a page turner…

I arrived in Puna, Hawaii, after a fairly isolating social experience in the Bay Area, where I had migrated from NYC. Music is my trade.

I had great expectations coming to the Big Island,moving into a predominately Gay, ritzy neighborhood. Pot lucks,movie nights,morning dog walks to a black sand beach…OMG! Just like Fire Island, without the attitude. Aloha spirit coming at you like it’s your bar mitzvah!! A utopian place for this sixty+ man, gay, single, HIV+ for 32 yrs,and wanting to give the quieter life a try.

Lemme go back for some history…

So while in the Bay, I met Dr F, who I sought for a session or two, to help “consciously”break up with my then boyfriend.

We broke up the next day over lattes.

I fell in love at first sight.

In fact, if I’m really being honest, it’s the first person in my life that at the ripe age of 58, I felt those feelings that I could only identify as love. If that’s definable. Yeah, I know what transference is…

Got a tattoo that said Breathe, moved back to New York, then moved back to Ca. Though Dr F and I were Skyping this whole time, I felt I needed to be there, close to the “work.” Dr F was an analyst, gay, married, and had a kid in High School.

Dr. F and I discussed this at length, transference, that is. In fact, the only thing we talked about in the six years of our, (I hesitate,) relationship together, was our relationship together, oh, and art, books, music, poetry, playing music together,(he played violin),etc. I loved it. I informed him early on I was feeling deep feelings for him,love, that is, and that’s when he decided to “meet me there.” More on that!

What commenced in the next 7.5 years was truly the most heartbreaking time of my life, and perhaps the most insightful and growing experiences in life.

To be continued…

So by now, I should explain the title of my series. And it wasn’t actually next door. There’s a house in between. :-)

One of my intentions in moving to this part of Hawaii, was to find my place in the yoga and wellness center that’s a mile down the road. I was coming to this retreat center a couple of times a year for 5 or so years for yoga and r&r, and always enjoyed the experience, and the people I met.While there, I thought bringing more musical activity on the scene would be a welcome addition. And it was. Lots of back and forth emails, sharing my thoughts on workshops, classes, and various vocal possibilities. We had worked out a two week stay where I would present a workshop, and there was a fierce hurricane that year. Everything pretty much shut down, no electricity. I landed on the other side of the island, and settled in there for the duration. The seeds of my return to do something were planted.

When I decided to make a move there, I made a trip just to focus on real estate. Prior trips gave me no insight into the surrounding neighborhoods or the market, as I was always tuned into the Center. It was quickly revealed where you could live in reasonable proximity to the Center, and beach, and store. In fact, I had a choice of three neighborhoods as I saw it, and considering price, proximity, best neighborhood, Dr.F is here 4 weeks a year, a chose door number 3!

That’s when things got CRAZY!

I returned home, filled with design ideas rolling through my mind. After speaking with the owner of the house a couple of times, and even staying over one night at the house, I was convinced that this was the house, my tropical dream.

I returned home, and with some trepidation informed Dr. F that I had found a house, and wow, it’s like a (good) witch, or something cosmic, created this profound occurrence!

He wasn’t havin it. At all. Dr F was angry. Very. He didn’t think I was understanding the implications of my move to be his neighbor. And I’ll admit, I didn’t. But that’s later…

Nonetheless, his anger was heartbreaking, especially as it was almost the end of our time together, and it threw me into grand mal confusion. How could I make the man I love so much, so unhappy. And to be so confused why he would be? But confusion was the benchmark of our time together, as you’ll see. Anyway, I decided to forgo buying the house. I couldn’t live with those consequences.

Whew.Then I began consulting. Everyone.

My previous analyst. Spirit Guides. Accountants, Lawyers, close friends, anyone who might help with this moral dilemma.

Ultimately, I had to decide for MYSELF.

Let the lava flow where it may…

Kenneth Helman
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31 min
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28 cards

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