Wounds of a Damsel
I’m not too sure where this all came from…the objectification in our culture…the somewhat violent/masochist and potentially harmful demeanor approach to sex is…idk, it’s a topic of concern because I am personally a culprit of such egregious behavior…do you realize the myriad of terms one uses to describe ‘intercourse’…if a guy is kicking it with his homies the question is, did you ‘smash’…hold on, smash ‘what’…did you ‘thrash’…did you ‘beat it up’??…wait one minute, what is it that we are actually ‘beating’…we as men already must be cognizant of your physical strength and size in comparison to our opposite and EQUAL partners but…we sometimes can get lost in the sauce or in translation with these terminologies…I can recall saying I wanted to ‘knock something down’ tonight or ‘take it down’ in my past…if we, as men, were to put ourselves in that young woman’s psyche, I’m sure we wouldn’t want our sensitive areas thrashed, smashed, knocked down, taken down, beat down, all of that jazz…whatever happened to being ‘nice’ to her lady parts…what ever happened to being appreciative of her spirit, mind, and lastly her body…yes, I am human and I do know what it’s like to have a deep and longing affection towards a young woman that…let’s just say, it is quite difficult for a young man to contain himself when he is given the opportunity to…convey his love and understanding to that young woman through a physical capacity and he finally sees that lovely ‘flower’…yes yes yes, it’s been decades but I can go through my mental trajectory and realize that perhaps I was a bit insensitive in the bedroom…perhaps I didn’t take my time to fully immerse myself in giving you pleasure because…idk, maybe because like many males in Generation Y and Z, we become practitioners of sex via pornhub or whatever vile site is accessible at our fingertips…in these ‘false’ and highly altered videos, sex is seen completely ‘one sided’…and the woman is always the one who seems to be…I’m not sure but, seemingly ‘content’ with being used and filled up as much as possible by these men…well in real ‘life’, that is NOT the case and the vicious ‘jackhammer fucking’ that we as males call ‘putting it down’ DOES NOT feel good to a woman…perhaps she is into your commitment and passion…maybe she applauds your efforts whilst you grunt heavily and drip sweat over her body as you groan and heave like a ‘mad man’ but…in the back of her head, she can tell that this is purely mechanical for you…as a woman, she isn’t even present in the bedroom because you are attempting to emulate sex from what is on your laptop…well news flash buddy, 85% of women rarely ‘ever’ orgasm form solely intercourse or what we call vaginal penetration by the penis…this means, there needs to be stimulation other places for your partner to achieve what we all want her to achieve…and that’s the satisfaction that we as men, ALL achieve during sex…albeit some of us achieve this goal much ‘quicker’ than others but hey…that’s neither here nor there…what about her clitoris…have you ever thought to just allow yourself time to simply discover that area and ‘tend’ to it..no no no, don’t take your rough fingers that are the closest thing to sand paper and jam them inside of her…no no no, don’t take those burly hands and violently rub them across her lady parts either…please be ‘gentle’ and take it slow…I’m sure if she wants you to apply more pressure, she will communicate that to you in her own way so…I’m sorry ladies for our decorum as men in the bedroom…to be fair, many of us DON’T know what we are doing even though we ‘think’ we do…just because you pat us on the back after sex doesn’t mean you got to your ‘level’ and that’s lowkey fucked up…it’s really sort of sad because there are a large demographic of women who perceive sex isn’t supposed to be ‘pleasurable’ for them…there are some women who presume sexual intercourse is supposed to be somewhat ‘painful and uncomfortable’ and that’s NOT true…I have been that guy in the bedroom and I’m working on doing better…Godspeed
Ladies, I need your help…I need for you to put me on ‘game’…do you feel that men truly don’t know what they want…has it gone so far out with a guy’s desires and expectations that…women are essentially saying ‘fuck it’ and imma just do me…what I’m referring to specifically is what guys claim to look for in a woman…There are some men that claim that they want a loyal, attractive, intelligent, insert whatever becoming or uplifting adjective into this equation woman to be their life-long companion…with that being said, she is also supposed to have a college degree, a proper job, and oh yeah, I almost forgot…you expect o girl to be a complete porn star in the bedroom with a never-ending threshold for taking dick and absolutely ‘loving’ it…well, unless I ‘ve been living under a rock, I don’t think these sort of people exist….to be fair, I’ve met a number of guys who want to have the ability to have a girlfriend or a steady ‘life partner’ but also wants to be able to step out from time to time and eat his cake too…well, I guess this is the issue…women are CONFUSED as fuck regarding men’s wishes and desires….there are dudes who look to court women and these young ladies are sweet and ‘conservative’…whatever that means…but as time pro-gresses and the relationship begins to develop further, the woman starts to let her guard down…normally, once the woman has gained a certain level of ‘trust’ in her partner.. this is when she will be comfortable enough to allow acts in the ‘physical realm’ to escalate and finally manifest…well the problem lies in the fact that there are men ‘claiming’ that they want their woman to do ‘this, that, and the third’ in the bedroom and…if she finally concedes into her man’s wishes to appease him, she is sometimes left with the short end of the stick, and I mean that in more ways than one…here, you may have a woman that is relatively inexperienced in sex and this ‘guy’ has requested and implored that she try ‘this’ with him…well once she does it, she suddenly realized that this guy isn’t as interested in her as he once was before…or even worse, some women perform certain sexual acts with their partners to find the guy breaking up with her shortly thereafter claiming that he can’t imagine marrying a woman who has done ‘x,y, zed’…the woman is looking perplexed and lost because it was YOU that was begging for the threesome, or the whatever…now that she’s done it, you as a guy feel like…you got what you ASKED for, only to realize that you weren’t really about that lifestyle…most dudes ‘say’ that they want a freak…whatever ‘that’ means…but when they fall in love with a girl and they are hoping to take that relationship to the ‘next’ level, a freak is the exact opposite in what he wants…if he is a person with a shaky confidence level or if he’s a guy that hasn’t had many sexual experiences prior to you…he will most likely not want to know or be in the ‘know’ that his girl has experienced sexual acts that he may feel uncomfortable with…honestly, it’s a hell of a double standard for a woman because if she doesn’t put out ANYTHING, then many guys will either not stick around due to your prudish behavior or if they are truly in love, then they’ll marry you…but if a woman isn’t a virgin….whatever that means…then as she enters into various relationships with men, she will soon come to realize that each guy has different parameters as to what he finds acceptable behavior in a woman…I’ve learned from my collegiate days when my friends and I used to play drinking games like ‘never have I ever’…and if you look closely at the young women in the game, most of them are putting down their fingers as we go around the circle naming various sexual experiences, but the caveat in this game is that whilst most men are bragging and confidently displaying their sexual conquests…women are not nearly as open in displaying their sexual history for ‘that’ reason…women KNOW that when a guy truly likes them and is head over heels for you…he suddenly becomes blind and irrational, expecting that he was the only dick that you’ve known…and before him, you were just some sweet, innocent, choir girl who knew nothing about this ‘adult’ lifestyle…women are stuck playing a fine line of conservatism and openness with men knowing how insecure MOST guys are when they find out their girlfriend has a ‘past’ that you may not agree with…So to conclude, help me figure this out…can women be totally honest with guys about their sexual proclivities without him erupting into a complete rage leading him to subsequently calling you pejorative names like ‘slut, hoe, slag’…or is it best for women to act ‘demure’ and innocent and I would go as far to say naïve to their future partner…I believe women do things to comfort a man’s ego and this comes to the forefront of sex…like, lets be real, how many times have you hooked up with your girl, for her to tell you that…to be fair, she’s been there and done that, and to be trill, you ain’t really slinging the dick like you ‘think you are’….
So…I was perusing my timeline the other day and I saw a comment made about this show that’s recently been garnering a fair amount of attention…this show is on HBO and it depicts the lifestyle of a young woman in Los Angeles as a young adult…the show is truly a gem in television at this moment because it offers an honest depiction of what women of colour in particular go through in relationships…normally we see the good, the bad, and the ugly of relationships told by white males, or in Hollywood’s canon, a Jewish males perspective but…very rarely do we see black women in her ‘true’ light…I’m talking about the way she speaks, the clothes she wears, the dates she goes on, the sexual relations that transpire in this show are very much ‘spot on’ to every day life…to be real, I felt compelled to write about this because I believe from my homeboy’s standpoint, he may believe the show is a little ‘too real’…I am a person who believes there is NO such thing as too real…all that means is that there are some people who prefer that you lie to them because they simply CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH…well, what are these ‘truths’ that are so difficult to swallow as a young male watching this show…well for starters, it shows how ‘some’ women think and that is deeply important…there are males who think they know their girlfriend or partner like the back of thier hand since they’ve gone on a few dates to the movies and had dinner at some restaurants…well, in this show, the protagonist is in a relationship with a guy who…let’s be fair, is more along the lines of a Beta male sort of dude who even though seems to look like he has it all together, is facing financial challenges and hardships…this is something that I personally know all too well…you have a girlfriend and you are trying to do ‘right’ by your woman but hey…you are not OWED anything as a male or a woman…life is all about getting out what you put into it…and to be fair, this show honestly presents how ‘we’ are in authentic relationships…when we first hookup and start dating, it’s all magical and you can’t keep your hands (and tongue) off of each other but as time proceeds…that honeymoon phase passes and now you are faced with ‘real life’…well if one of you isn’t pulling their weight with bills and expenses then that becomes a legitimate ‘problem’…there are guys who feel that just because they are ‘nice’ and they think they are putting it down in the bedroom that the woman is satisfied to the 10th degree and that’s not the case…in this show, the protagonist has a tryst with a old lover whilst she’s still in a relationship with her current boyfriend who has been staying on her couch for the past year…there are a number of guys who feel ‘hurt’ and distraught witnessing on film what many dudes have somewhat felt happens but can rarely ever confirm…the truth is, women aren’t ‘better’ cheaters than men or ‘worse’ cheaters…the fact of the matter is that MEN expect women to be faithful at all times whilst we seem to accept the narrative that ‘boys will boys’…NOT ALL MEN CHEAT, I must be the first to admit this but let’s delve deeper in the subject matter…has it ever struck your cognitive thought process that women aren’t necessarily fulfilled by dating you…has it ever occurred to some men that she could be dating you because…it’s convenient and at times, women in particular are justified by their self worth according to being in a relationship or ‘taken’…do you understand what I’m saying? Most women prefer to be off the market because it shows that she may be a woman of quality and highly desirable…so much so, that this ‘individual’ wants to make you theirs forever but…as someone from the outside looking in, I realize that women don’t cheat for the same reasons men do…women aren’t fucking every guy who resembles Justin Timberlake or Trey Songz…perhaps she is, but most women don’t function like that…she stepped out on you because…I’m sorry to put it like this but…you just weren’t cutting it…you were nice and kind and a ‘sweet’ guy but…she wanted something more and if a woman see’s a better opportunity available, she may take it…I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and put out the narrative that all women cheat and you should watch your back each time your girl says she’s stepping out with her homegirls but…Imma tell you like this…there are guys whose heads are sooo far in the clouds because they are inclined to believe that it’s impossible for their lovely princess…their lovely ‘boo thing’ or whatever could EVER commit such an act and…it goes down bro, it fuckin goes ALL THE WAY DOWN…Issa isn’t the only woman out here catching side dick and once more men are aware of these actions, we can move forward as a people and have constructive conversation on this issue…
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