Monsters in Mason Jars

The hardest thing about canning monsters is getting them in the jar.

Monsters are usually bigger than the typical jar, and are often an entirely different shape. (If you are looking for a nice jar-shaped monster that responds well to canning, try a gelatinous cylinder, or even a set of fang-wheels stacked on top of each other. Or, even more simple, a cookie-jar hand-tarantula. Why not? They love jars, hold up to heat, and you probably have one in your kitchen already!)

But even the largest and least jar-shaped monsters can be canned beautifully with enough mutilation. Let’s take a look.

So, here I have a Pithed Gillhorn. Now, see, it’s going to fight you, that’s natural. It doesn’t like being jarred and who can blame it? But. Just a minute. Okay. So what I’m doing is just, with a sort of hacking motion, just giving his face a nice rough chop. That will stop the flailing pretty well, which will make it much easier to work with. There. See? Dynamite.

Okay now, get your tearing gauntlets on. If you don’t have these, no worries at all, you can just use a nice seasonal chained saw, or, here’s a trick, just take the next monster you were planning on canning, and (as long as he’s carnivorous) let him at the Gillhorn for a spell. He’ll tear it to lovely, lovely pieces, and you can have a bit of a rest.

Now let’s talk about pectin!