Taking a break

I recently said that I wrote my last words. I lied.

I can never stop. Too many things go through my head. But I needed a break.

What I did not know, when I wrote those words, was, that I was almost at new crossroads. How could I have known that what I always wanted, what I always hoped for, dreamt of, would become an opportunity? One that I would be unable to deny?

You see, I always wanted to be free. But I never knew how. I knew that there was something for me out there, but what?

I started my life bored, spent a lot of time in nature, walking, enjoying, thinking. I did not have many friends. I still don’t. The few that I made over the years told me that I was so far ahead with my thinking, no wonder nobody wanted to be my friend. It took me a little time, but I decided that I should accept and embrace this. And I have.

Today all is different. After a long period of time, some good, some less good, some different, I noticed that everything in my life was pointing me in the same direction. I started to feel it about three weeks ago. And today, it has become reality. I now work 100% for myself, alone, from my home. I have a wife and two kids. They support me. All of the years and years of research I have done, mostly after working hours, are possibly now starting to pay off.

I have worked as a freelance IT specialist for 15 years now, and even that I have now ended. Well, at least, temporary. I have chosen a period of three months to see if my predictions, calculations and models are right. If they are, I am free and on my own. If not, I will go back to a freelance IT job. That’s the deal I made with myself. I have to. And today, I have started.

I am very calm. It came over me the last few days. Where I used to be scared, agitated and nervous before when I had a big change, this time I am calm. This tells me something. I am on the right track here. I need to do this. If I fail, fine, I’ll take the experience and lessons learned and get back to a paying gig. If I succeed, great. It means that I was ready.

But for now, I am riding high.