The Key to Using IFS with Executives

Over the past few years, I’ve talked to many leadership coaches who are excited about IFS and want to bring it into their coaching work.

Often, they’ve practiced IFS personally with meaningful results and see the potential impact it could have on their clients. But many articulate the same struggle: “It takes so much explaining,” They say. “I feel like my client needs to understand the concept of Self and parts and how IFS works before we can really use it.”

And that’s a problem. A client doesn’t want to spend a coaching session learning a new theory; they want to talk about how to navigate their upcoming fundraise!

When using IFS with executives, I’ve found it’s best to show rather than tell. Sometimes I call this, “entering through a side door.”

Side-Door Approach

None of my clients know what IFS is or when I’m “using” it. I don’t explain the model. I simply ask questions through an IFS lens.

I might ask:

• It sounds like part of you is excited about the fundraise. Tell me more about that part.
• I notice every time you talk about what’s going well with the fundraise, another part of you jumps in and self-deprecates. What’s that about?
• How does it feel to give this worried voice some air time?
• I noticed some curiosity in your voice just then. Where’s that coming from? ( I always keep my eyes peeled for Self-energy)

These questions often lead us to conversations with their parts that illuminate new insights to help them move forward.

Over time, conversations like these help my clients create more trusting relationships with their most challenging parts, deeper connection to their vision for the future, and levels of confidence and courage they haven’t accessed before.

Sometimes, after months of coaching, they’ll say, “what the heck is this parts stuff we’ve been doing!?” and I’ll share about it for the first time.

Why It Matters

For executives, this approach is particularly important. My clients come to me to grow their companies, make bold impact, and perform under extremely high pressure. They want to achieve their goals, not explore their inner worlds for the sake of self-love. For this reason, explaining IFS upfront is an unnecessary distraction.

The reality is IFS is effective at creating the results they desire. Connecting with Self and building relationships with parts enables peak performance, inspired action, and courageous leadership.

But they don’t need to learn about it first, they need to feel it.