Home For The Holidays? Six Self-Care Strategies for a Stress-Free Season.
We’ve all been there. The end of the year rolls around and you’re suddenly back at the same dreaded airport gate or sipping coffee at a familiar dining room table. The holidays are meant to be a time for warmth and joy, but many people find they’re actually the most stressful time of the year.
For the 160 million Americans who plan to travel this season, it can be especially disorienting. Being in another person’s space, whether it’s your childhood home or a brand new environment, thrust from your routine and expected to socialize with intimates you might often feel are judging you—it’s enough to leave anyone feeling drained.
This feeling is normal. Mental health practices like mine get a big uptick in symptoms of stress and anxiety during the so-called ‘most wonderful time of the year.’ It’s clear that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform during the holiday season, whether it’s projecting a sense of independence from parents, material success in front of peers or simply trying to make ends meet as we make everyone in our lives feel cared for and seen.
But whether the source of your stress stems from lifestyle differences between parents and siblings, personal challenges of presentation and self-control outside your home routine or simply finding yourself with too much time on your hands as work slows down, there are healthy ways to help yourself out of it. While the source of everyone’s holiday stress may be different, these core strategies of mindfulness and self-care can turn the holiday season from a festive stress-fest into a special time to relax and reconnect with what you hold dear.
Here are five helpful tips to help you stay sane, mindful and centered this holiday season:
Check in with your values
Before you step out the door to catch that flight or embark on a holiday shopping spree, set aside time to reflect on what you’re looking to get out of this season. Put yourself first to understand the way you want to spend your time and your money. These are limited resources, and wasting them on the wrong things can generate feelings of angst or regret—not exactly the jolly mood we all want.
Intention is everything. Often, when we act without thinking in the presence of others, we’re conforming to what they expect us to be. That can be a problem when you’re spending time with people who had a hand in your upbringing and may hold ideas or expectations about your life that you no longer see for yourself. A few days before a big holiday, try sitting down and meditating on what you most aspire toward or value at this moment in life, and go with that intention.
Know your limits
This advice is both financial and social. Often, when it comes to spending money, I find my patients are more preoccupied with the sense of what they should be able to afford, rather than what they need or even really want. There is no baseline of ‘should’ here. We all come from different backgrounds and carry different burdens. Don’t let yourself fall into someone else’s image of what you should have or look like.
Similarly, returning to a family home for the holidays may mean having to pick your battles in terms of conversation—whether the topics are political, cultural or simply not to your taste. Coming up with a few polite rebuffs or questions to change the subject can help everyone relax and get along. What’s important is to give yourself the time to reflect on these possibilities, perhaps writing about them first in a journal. Having them in front of you can help when it comes to the next holiday tip: setting boundaries.
Set boundaries in advance
It’s quite possible that the price of being your best holiday self this year could mean disappointing other people’s expectations. Staying in a hotel or with a friend instead of the family home doesn’t mean you aren’t prioritizing your family, for instance, if you’re honoring your personal space. Especially in home dynamics that feel tense or strained, the main issue may not be a failure to communicate, but a problem of proximity. You always have the right to politely decline an event, the same way you might redirect a conversation or ignore a rude question.
We often think of boundaries in a negative sense—something we say no to, or won’t do. Instead, try reframing these limitations around a positive goal: sticking with your routine. If going to bed early or taking an afternoon walk is something you’d rather do anyway, then prioritize it.
Keep an open mind
While you cannot change another person, it can be helpful to remember that most people are trying their best over the holidays, and that we come together to celebrate all parts of our families and communities. The world is a fast-paced place, and we are constantly being asked to reconsider our beliefs and reframe our values. It can be refreshing to come home and realize that other people are changing as well, even if everything still feels the same.
When facing down a difficult relative or awkward social situation, try humanizing the person—seeing the world from their perspective. What factors or histories have led them to act the way they do? They may be missing some information that’s crucial to your perspective; while they cannot appreciate the way you see the world, you can at least appreciate why they respond the way they do.
Take time for yourself
The chance to just relax and unwind is crucial during a season that expects us to act like heroic versions of ourselves. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is nothing at all. This can feel wrong during a season that equates festivity with being constantly in the presence of others. But the joy of the holidays can just as easily come from rewatching a cherished movie in bed or taking a walk to enjoy the winter weather.
Wherever you find yourself this holiday season, the most important tip to remember is to set aside time where you can just be yourself, away from the social, familial and financial pressures. Write down events of your day if you want to reflect on it, or a list of cherished memories if you don’t. Remember that, amid all the planning and presents and festive events, that holiday feeling is also a present you give to yourself.
Find joy in the difficult moments
These tips can hopefully help you feel better at any time. But what makes the holidays special is that they allow us to come together, to mark the end of the year and look back on it with gratitude. Work slows down and families reconvene—not just to eat and drink, but to make a space together for relaxation and recovery.
It can also be an opportunity to discover new sides of people you thought you knew or reconnect with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. Going home for the holidays might mean you collide with a past version of yourself, and that’s a chance to admire how you’ve changed. Practice taking time and making space for others to be themselves, and give yourself a chance to celebrate what makes you special too. With luck, you can go into the new year with a new sense of purpose, ready to take on whatever comes your way.
About
Founded by Dr. Mel Corpus, SESSIONS is an integrated, full-service, mental wellness practice. With offices in New York, Los Angeles and online, SESSIONS delivers a broad spectrum of clinical services that include psychotherapy, neuropsychological testing, forensic evaluations and consultation services for corporate executives, professional and intercollegiate athletes, and the entertainment industry. SESSIONS envisions a future where mental wellness is seamlessly implemented into everyday life, unburdened by administrative barriers and challenges.
