My last few, crazy days….
-Seriously, “The Hangover” has nothing on this-
A couple days ago while sitting at home, I must have grown board because before I knew it, I was standing in a field ready to capture dinner. Having never hunted solo before, this was a challenge from the start. but in the end, it wasn’t dull to say the least. But before we move on, this was all quite a blur so bear with me while I only scratch the surface on the details.
I began by locating the right plot of land followed closely by doing what little tracking I knew how to do. As steady as a surgeon, I held my weapon in hand while stalking my prey. Carefully navigating the loud temptations of sticks and leaves, I was sure not to make a sound. Not too long into the hunt, I found myself at the base of a large hill gazing upward, trying to find irregularities in the landscape. Back and forth, back and forth I scanned. All I was searching for at this point was something with a pulse. Something I could take home. Something I could eat!
As time passed, I grew anxious and headed into the woods in hopes my luck would change. And wouldn’t you know it, like a leprechaun and his gold, I met my match. At this point I couldn’t have been but a few paces from the tree line but that’s all the longer it took me to realize I had gone too far. As I hesitantly rotated my head to the side, I saw the monstrosity starring my way. It was as though it was trying to kill me by piercing a hole in my heart with its eyes. With no idea where I was and being near my bow and arrow wouldn’t kill this beast, I took to foot trying to out stride it. Of course I knew anything with four legs is sure to catch me but at this point my heart was pounding so hard, I needed to run simply to keep it from jumping from my chest. The race was on…
Before continuing, it’s important to note that I had no knowledge of where I was and due to me nearly wetting myself, I didn’t take a long enough look at this beast before turning and sprinting. Therefore, I knew nothing of what I was up against, other than size, and I knew not of how close it was to me. However I was fairly certain that was going to be my last day alive.
Now back to the chase.
As I took off running, I noticed there was a small cliff up ahead. I wasn’t sure what was below but I knew it might just be what I needed. As fast as my legs would move, I would move them. One stride after another. Needless to say, the whole “avoiding sticks and leaves” thing was out the window at this point. I was more closely mimicking a tornado. Anything I could push out of my way, it was knocked to the ground. If it was too big, I made the smallest maneuver possible to avoid it. I wasn’t sure of how close I was to being eaten at this point but I did know I was gaining ground on my escape (or possible death). Still not knowing what lies below, I took a leap of faith anyway. With both arms swinging, I sent as much force through my legs as possible. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I was sure I was getting there as quick as possible. And just as my big toe lost contact with the loose rocks below my feet, I looked up and saw a tree branch hanging poking out from the rock wall to my right. With outstretched arms I was able to maneuver my body into position and snag the branch with both hands. This was sheer craziness I tell ya. Sheer, fucking, craziness.
With my hands still clenched around this branch, I was swinging back and forth until I could pull myself up. Before I did, I paused and prepared myself for more as I knew I wasn’t going to be 100% safe yet. I still had no idea where I was and I still needed to make it back to my car. Even with that, I wasn’t prepared for what came next.
A few feet above my head from where I just outran a beast and took a leap to what could have been my death, I found what else but the inner city. At this point, I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Out of nowhere there were house and people and cars and bars directly in front of me. It was like I was in a fairytale but I knew that couldn’t be. This was real life. This was really fucking happening. This was a real place. Mere feet above a cliff that was connected to fields and woods for hunting was a city full of human beings. At a lost for words was the least one could say about my state of mind at that point.
Knowing not what to expect, I picked up a bike that was laying at my feet and continued to move along with the others that were riding past. Now I didn’t know where we were going or what we were doing but I knew I needed to keep pedaling. As we approached some of the less fortunate areas of town, we were sure to pick up our pace. We pedaled as hard as we could to ensure we kept what we came with and didn’t leave with any extra holes in our bodies. First we took a left then a right. Still unsure as to where I was or what I was doing, I followed like a duckling in the back of the line. Before I had time to ask any question, we were in the middle of a street party. For several blocks the roads were foot traffic only. Police kept the peace the best they could but it was only a matter of time before all of the alcohol kicked in and people became rowdy. Cars parked all along the streets off to the side. Groups of more than 15 people were everywhere. Safety was nowhere.
As we hit the corner, I knew immediately we had to find an alternate route. Again, I wasn’t sure why any of this was happening but I did know the way one of the thugs on the street corner looked at a kid I was with was no good. From there we quickly hit the alley and took off in a dead sprint; Usain Bolt style. We made our way into the back of a store through the alley entrance. The patrons shifted their attention from their drinks to the back door where a couple strangers just bursted through. Once again we knew we were not welcome and in dead shit all at the same time. It was at that point in time we were faced with two shitty options. Option A: we could turn back and test the alley where that fella toting a gun is most likely to be waiting or Option B: we could push our way to the front door and hope to run into someone with a badge. We took Option B.
In another short flurry of foot steps, we were through the crowd of regulars and at the front door of what could have been hell. As our feet broke the plane of doorway, we took a deep breath in and exhaled a sigh of relief. Although we weren’t to where we needed to be (at this point, I still have no clue where that was) at least we were in the presence of hundreds of other people, some of which were the police. Taking only a moment to relish in our minor victory, we continued down the road. Knowing that our demise could still be in pursuit, we were sure to move briskly. We wanted to put as much distance between us and “them” as possible. Within a few short strides we found ourselves at the edge of the block party and still with no clear escape route. Knowing that where we came from wasn’t all too safe, we made the conscious decision to keep heading forward in hopes of a friendly face or friendly place. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case.
It wasn’t long before we found ourselves yet again, running in and out of a building. However it came to be, we were in the alley trying to make our escape when we realized their wasn’t one. We took a hard left into low income housing and began pushing through people’s apartment doors searching desperately for a secret passage or something, literally anything at this point. We continued to look back like the bad actors and actresses in scary movies who keep try to keep an eye on their killer. In a few short turns and after startling more than a few people as we trampled through their living room, we found ourselves in the front parking lot. Alone. We looked back and noticed no one behind us. Not to be played for fools, we stayed on high alert and scanned the area waiting for a muzzle flash or a slow moving car to drive by. However, no matter how long we waited, nothing happened. No one following on foot. No one in a car. Nothing. It was as though we reached their line in the street and we were safe once we crossed it.
After a few minutes passed by, I made my way down the parking lot a bit to where a couple of people were playing frisbee. Having thrown a disc or two in my day, I invited myself in and was welcomed with open arms. It wasn’t but a few throws in until I finally woke up. At that point I realized just how crazy my dreams are when taking prescription meds!
