Pursuing a Goal
Despite the Consequences
Blindly stumbling, she barely lifts her feet and slowly shuffles forward hoping to avoid another unfortunate spill. With her arms wafting back and forth, her hands could register a 7 on the richter scale. At this time in her seemingly hopeless voyage, she continues her scavenger hunt for anything she can grasp. It wasn’t long ago she plummeted into this dark, damp, crisp, cool and slimy environment where she originally had her sights set on a quick exit. Now, it isn’t that she doesn’t enjoy her current surroundings, after all, she brought them on herelf. Nope. It is not the surroundings that bother her at all. Rather, it’s the idea that she is behind. She can feel the separation growing between her and the lady who took the same leap only days before her. Who can blame her though. In an environment such as hers, where a hand 6 inches from her face is the same as one 6 miles away; out of sight. No torch to light the way. Not a map to guide each step. The only thing guaranteed is the air she breaths but even that feels scarce at times. At this point, and for much time to come, it will be her motivation to live that keeps her moving. And so she pushes on.
Slowly but surely, her confidence builds as she hasn’t stumbled for quite some time. Her hands now steadied by a wall that she has come to trust. Although her feet are still only shuffling, they do so with increasing vigor and confidence. Almost able to force a smile is she. The air becomes fresher. The walls decreasingly damp. Her hands are now something commonly in view if only for a brief second. She can’t quite tell if it’s the light or her vision, but one of the two is increasing in strength. On cue and as all expect, her next step lands herself in an unseen rabbit hole and just as Alice couldn’t resist the pull of gravity, neither can she.
Luckily, this hole isn’t the same depth as that door to wonderland. However for her, it feels the same. So there she rests. Arms crossed, hands tucked in her pits, butt firmly placed in a puddle as the dampness turned to a mild amount of standing water. The good news is her feet are flat on the ground, however that most certainly is not a metaphor for her current state of being. In short time though, she builds up the courage to stand and gather information from her surroundings before she takes her next step. In so doing, she quickly comes to realize how stuck she may be. With hands spread side to side as though a sports team is measuring her wingspan, she felt nothing but solid rock. She twists her body and finds the same to be true both in front and behind. There is not one passage that lie around her. Not one. There is only up. With that, her lips begin to loosen as her cheeks softly pull them to the side of her face. With a smug grin she says to herself, “At least I can’t make a wrong turn now!” She is right. The only way for her to move forward is by climbing out of the hole she crashed into. And so she does.
Now, as fairytales would have it, she reaches the top and moves on with no more hardships. No stumbles, no rabbit holes, and, in fact, not even a pothole to slow her down. With proud steps she walks. Never again quivering. Head tall, back straight, confidence mirroring that of Achilles as he stormed the beach of Troy. She marches. Unfortunately, as you know, true life is not a fairytale. There isn’t an easy route, at least not one worth traveling. There isn’t a straight shot to the end where the damp, dark, cavernous life turns to a luxurious studio apartment with a guide who ensures you avoid all dangers. No, not in the life she lives.
Hands bumbling around in search of a solid hold, she begins her ascent. One foot here and the other there. As though she were a baby attempting to conquer stairs for the first time, she cautiously makes her way to the top. In due time, she does champion the rabbit hole and looks to push on after ensuring to catch her breath from a life threatening fall. Now she knows her travels ahead are still unknown and very much riddled with traps but compared to before, the darkness seems to fade bit by bit as she gains experience and confidence with each move she makes.
Time after time, this pattern repeats itself with new barriers each turn of the way. New obstacles to conquer. The gap between each occurrence grows which keeps her spirits high. She recognizes her increase in knowledge as she becomes better for all of her misfortunes along the way. At times she still forces herself through passages she believes she saw mice only squeeze through. Yet time and time again, she mutes the vocals from her rationale and embraces the seemingly impossible task. Sure enough, it was just an illusion. A mirage of sorts in place to scare away those unwilling to try for fear of failure. An obstacle not of material or merit but one projected from the inside to turn back those who aren’t committed to conquering personal goals.
Out of the other side she finally does arise, gasping for air as though she had been toppled by a wave and held under for minutes before resurfacing. Her eyes squinting from what she believes to be flashlights from medics who are there to rescue her. A loud roar from the crowd vibrates her eardrums as everyone celebrates her return and welcomes her back from a most certain death. Not quite grasping the severity of the situation or the totality of what has happened, how long she has been gone, or how it all came to be in the first place, she rests her body and mind by leaning back against the cool, crisp, damp rocks that many believed to be her tomb. With closed eyes and her steady, sure hands firmly grasping those same stones, with her bottom absorbing the moisture as it did while she was firmly planted in a puddle not to long ago, with her feet flat on the ground both physically and metaphorically, she becomes more cognizant of what is happening. She slowly begins to remember everything as if she were watching a rerun of her favorite show. Line by line the memories return.
The gasping for air wasn’t her surviving a near death experience. It was the gasp she took after surviving a fall or overcoming an obstacle. The gasp she took as her confidence grew from her experiences. A gasp of, “ah-ha.” The bright light wasn’t that of a medic. It was the sun greeting her after an unknown amount of time spent in the dark. Time spent working on her craft. Time spent perfecting her trade. Time spent shutting out the distractions, the negative thoughts, and the set backs only to continue moving forward even though it was at snails pace at times. And there certainly was no crowd rejoicing in her return. Nope, not one person. Instead, the cheering was her minds vocal chords finally being let loose to sing her praise as she pushed through and conquered something only a small percent of people have the gull to try more-less see through to the end. The cheering was realizing her goal had been met.
Now as she stands atop the cave she first plummeted into, she sees the world much differently. There are many trails she can take and many luxurious places she can pick from. However, after her most recent travels and spending time “suffering” as she did. She has come to know but only one road. And with that same grin she wore during her epiphany as she sat at the bottom of the rabbit hole, she pushes herself off the wet rocks where she had been resting for a matter of seconds. She walks forward, bypassing the paved paths. She walks herself to the opening of another cave, this one much larger and far more dangerous, and, without hesitation, she jumps in ready to battle for her life once again.
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