Saying Happy Holidays is Shitty
There is a huge consortium of people who do not identify with this time of year and all that comes with it. Humanists, agnostics, atheists and believers who do not fall under the umbrella of Christianity. Although some religious groups have tried to contend with this assault of red and green (which has nothing to do with the holiday anyway) through their own traditions that fall close to the 25th, it still leaves a large chunk of people in a weird position.
Some people smile through it, some could care less, some are deeply saddened by the whole affair and some are cranky and pissy during all of December. If you love this time of year, that’s great. Seriously, enjoy it if that’s your thing but be aware that this is one of the most triggering times of year for many who don’t share that uplifting feeling that you are experiencing.
In order to stick to the side of kindness and compassion here’s some things to keep in mind:
*Saying “Happy Holidays” isn’t any better than saying “Merry Christmas” to people in any public situation. There are many who don’t celebrate any holidays and their awkward smile and/or “Thaaanks?” that follows your greeting is actually more painful than you think.
*Don’t tell people it’s no big deal that they don’t celebrate the holidays. It’s actually a huge deal for a lot of people. Minimizing their experience when you don’t know their history or thoughts on the subject is akin to telling someone “Everything happens for a reason.” when someone close to them dies. It’s a platitude to help you deal with not knowing how to deal, and it’s shitty.
*If you used to hate the holidays and then came to some realization that helped you deal with it, don’t expect that that will be a magic formula for everyone else who is still loathing the remaining days of the year. You can share you experience for sure but with the caveat that it is your experience.
*Let your friends who hate this time of year be grumpy. This is a process for so many. Some people don’t have any family, some have been outcast by their family because they don’t believe in the same concepts, some just hate the whole institution of the holiday season. Most will have a decent sense of humor about it, but give them a break if they have a hard time being shiny and happy.
This is a partial list of things to be aware of. The main thing is to let people have their experience while you have yours. Seems easy but it’s not. As we can see from the way people perceive race and class issues in such diametrically oppositional ways it’s good to remember that the holiday season is a charged political issue in the same vein.
Let people be because being is hard enough.
