Surplus to requirements

They say that with every big change you go though in your life, you work through a cycle of emotions. Depending on which clever kitschy psycho-chart you look at this could include emotions like: denial, frustration, anger, depression, acceptance or uninformed optimism, informed pessimism, valley of despair, hopeful realism, informed optimism. (I find the concept of ‘uninformed optimism’ highly amusing, for example, you’re having a great time out for dinner with your friends with no idea yet that your house is on fire.)

Back to the point. This is a cycle that you supposedly go through like riding a bike along a path, start at one point, finish at the other. It is not working that way for me right now. My change emotion path looks more like a demented snail’s trail. Denial, acceptance, frustration, hopeful realism, anger, you name it I’ve done it. Although, a lot faster than a snail.

To allay reader concern for my overall mental health, or to settle your eye rolling “she must be on the rag” thoughts, the context is that a couple of weeks ago my job was disestablished and I’m facing redundancy.

I’ve been with my current employer for nearly 8 years, survived two previous restructures and come to think of the people and the place as a fairly important part of my life. So I have a mixed basket of feelings about abruptly leaving in two weeks time. I can summarised these in bullet point form:

• Hurrah! A holiday! With pay!
• I can’t believe they don’t want my awesome skills/experience/charming good looks at work any more.
• Doors close, windows open, curtains flutter, awesome I can find a great new job, how exciting!
• Oh god, I have to find a new job.
• Why me?
• Yay I can spend more time with my family and get heaps of work done on various home projects I don’t currently have time for.
• At last the push I need to re-evaluate what’s important to me.
• I really would have liked to have gone through this much change on my own terms.
• The BASTARDS!!! (Aimed at no one in particular, just a misguided attempt to direct my frustrations away from myself)

To add some more perspective, it is not just me. A number of my colleagues are walking in the same shoes presently. Despite the fact I’m one of them, my heart goes out to others in the same boat, especially those who are being personally affected by a corporate restructure for the first time.

This is the fifth time for me. The third time in my current place of work, but only the second time ever where there hasn’t been a place for me in the new company. The last time that happened I was in my early twenties with little security (financial, emotional or relationshipal) and to be honest, the redundancy was just one of a number of life issues I was walking in at the time. That time, I was just desparate to find another job to pay the rent. I found a job quickly. But because I hadnt taken time to find the right thing (and quite frankly wouldn’t have known the right thing if it slapped me in the face with a neon sign) I was pretty miserable professionally until I finally took my own steps to make things better and started a fantastic role with a fantastic company with a great boss who really started to shape where I would end up in my career.

This time around I have a wonderful loving husband, three great step kids, I’m relatively financially secure and can take more time to find the next great job, and I should be, twelve years later, better equipped emotionally to deal with change.

The fact is, I’m better equipped to recognise my emotions and why I act or react in certain ways, but the emotions I’m feeling are still just as strong.

Let’s face it. Being made redundant really sucks. As much as you can ‘look on the bright side’, it is still entirely normal to feel pretty darn stink about the whole thing. The trick is, to not feel stink about it all of the time. That’s when you’ll get stuck in the trap of grieving for the loss and slowly lose your glimmers of hope.

This morning, my husband and I had a slight miscommunication (ok, it was a huffy disagreement, which I instantly regretted) and afterwards I felt sad and really wanted to have a bit of a teenagery cry and punch my pillow for a while. But it wasn’t the disagreement I felt like crying over. It was a sudden influx of feelings that what I would really miss about my workplace was the people there. Despite the fact that I’m not the type to have a big wide social circle, I still really value the relationships I’ve developed over the years with my workmates, the trials and tribulations we’ve had, the successes we’ve celebrated. They are like extended family, and that’s something this particular company has always prided itself on cultivatin, a sense of family. So this now feels like the great divorce. Even those staying with the company know that things are really going to feel different for a while until they figure out how to make a smaller, different family.

To start with, announcements were made, new structures presented and it was clear to me that the only role that could fit me would be a step backwards from where I had been. My course of action was clear. I felt quite positive updating my CV and my Linked In profile and starting to scour job ads. The idea of taking summer off to spend more time with my family at home and work in my garden was very appealing too. How often does anyone, who isn’t a contractor, get that opportunity? It also got me thinking, maybe contracting is the way to go. Get used to change, don’t get comfortable in one place for too long.

Then, late this week, I was informed there was virtually nil chance of a redeployment within the company and even though I already knew that, hearing it from the company, I sat back down at my desk and thought, ‘But, now I don’t WANT to leave’.

Whilst the company was totally doing the right thing to help me having a clearer picture of where things were at, it suddenly felt like the choice to say “Great, I’ll go, I’ll find my next move”, was no longer mine.

But business is business. From a professional, objective perspective, this is exactly what our company needs to do right now to be more lean, to be more efficient and particularly, to drive innovation and creativity in the workplace and in the marketplace. It isn’t personal. It isn’t that you weren’t good enough to stay. Some really good people are leaving.

So what to do, to move through this and come out the other side?

Firstly, have a plan, and a back up plan. Feel comfortable with both as either might occur. Your plan might be to find another job asap and the backup plan might be to take summer off and spend more time with the kids. Or a plan of going on a worldwide OE with two of your mates, and your back up plan, when your mates change their mind or it is too expensive might be, to travel your home country in a campervan. My plan is to find a really awesome job that uses the skills and knowledge and qualifications I’ve gained and that I feel really passionate about. The plan is to do that before the Christmas (summer) holidays. The backup plan is to do that AFTER the Christmas holidays!

Have your plans at a high level, then take the time to think both idealistically and realistically about the details of your plan. Where do you want to travel to? What funds do you have and how long will they last? How long could you take to find a new job? How will this impact your family? What changes will they need to deal with to accommodate your plans?

Secondly, everyone needs an outlet. Mine is writing. It helps me make sense of stuff and forces me (in a good way) to confront things I’ve been avoiding. I also like to get out in the garden where everything is task based and I don’t actually think about anything else while I’m out there. I’m growing things, weeding things, improving things, enacting out my ideas and my desire to have an awesome edible country garden, I’m achieving and feeling good about myself. Others may get the same result out of running, training, cooking, rededorating, catching up with friends, doing volunteer work.

Grief comes in all sorts of forms. One of the biggest is when loved ones pass on. Grief can also be found at the end of a relationship, a friendship, a loss in your health or mobility, the passing of a pet, or yes, the loss of your job. Allow yourself time to feel stink, but then tell yourself when it is time to stop. This is some great advice I got years ago — give yourself time in the day to feel loss and sadness but then make the decision to say, that’s enough for today, and move to something more positive. As time passes let the time for sadness be less and less each day.

Share as much or as little as you want to with your friends and family, but remember that when a thing is said (or typed and posted) it can’t be unsaid. Posting all over Facebook that you’ve lost your job might feel good at the time, but you might regret your public words later. Or, it might be exactly what you need to get your feelings out and your friends and family brimming with sympathy and helpful advice. If that is what you want.

You may wish to use positive affirmations, if that works for you, or if you think that sort of thing is a bit dumb, you might not. Personally I find the idea of staring at myself in the mirror and saying “I am great, I am smart” repeatedly just a bit knaff but I have no issues with having a mantra when doing yoga or breathing exercises like “All is well” or “I am calm and peaceful”. Different people, different strokes, right?

Avoid the temptation to indulge in behaviours that ultimately will not help you. Yes a good night out on the town, with one or two wines extra that you probably shouldn’t have had, can be a way to blow off steam. Spending a day or two with the curtains closed and the x-box on can take your mind off things. But don’t let booze, drugs, gambling, argumentativeness, confrontation, or reclusiveness become your coping mechanism.

Let time pass. Yes it is really hard when you just want to feel better, but your brain and heart need time to process stuff.

So what about getting out there and finding a new job? It is pretty scary for most of us. I currently feel nervous about interviews, about getting my hopes up and then dashed, about how things will be in a new workplace. The best advice I can give right now is prepare for interviews, and make sure you go in with a whole heap of questions for the employer. Not just the standard “How will my performance be measured” and “What is this company’s long term strategic goal” but questions that will let you know whether that job and that company is somewhere you want to be. Interviews are a two way street. I’ve been a hiring manager and I’ve wanted to be sure a new employee will fit well into the team and some of the best interviews have been the ones where the potential employee has been just as interested to find out whether the opportunity will work for them instead of just acting eager to please.

Getting turned down after an interview really sucks. But if you have asked the right questions then often you may already be thinking, I don’t think this is right for me. If it does blindside you, where you thought the job would be totally perfect and the company still says ‘no thanks’, take the time to constructively ask why you weren’t chosen. This way you may learn more about what is the right thing for you, or you may get some valuable feedback on what you can do better next time.

Most of all, its the little things that will help you through a difficult time. A hug from your partner, drawing a picture with your child, a lunch with a friend, going for a run, planting some potatoes, relaxing with a good book, these things all remind you that whilst you are processing a heap of change, other things are still good and still there for you to enjoy.

To my colleagues currently in the same boat as me, I wish you all the best in not only your plans for your next step, but the journey you take to get there.

And to my wonderful husband, thank you for (unknowingly) giving me the opportunity and the drive this morning to write this post and for your unwavering love and support despite going through your own journey of change right now too. Oh and I am sorry for the stupid huffy words that flew out of my mouth this morning xxx.

A little caveat: Whilst I’ve been careful not to mention the name of the company I’m currently employed with, due to social media like Facebook and Linked In, it isn’t hard for anyone to find out. This story is my personal story, it is solely about me, and it is irrelevant which company I’m working for, it is about the circumstances at the time. All views and opinions are my own, and I have zero intention of publishing anything that could be seen as a public comment on the company itself. I wish said company all the very best for their future journey and plus, you never know, I could be back to the family sometime in the future.