My Therapist: Writing!

How Writing Saved My Life!

Writing is my therapy. I can’t even begin to explain how writing has saved my life! When I have thoughts and emotions bouncing all around in my head, I feel the need to get them out! Once they are on paper or my computer’s hard drive, I am able to deal with the moment.

Like many other people, I think too much and I think too deeply. Although it is mostly a good trait to have, at times it eats me alive! Regurgitating these ponderings and feelings has been beyond cleansing!

The past year or so has been one of the most difficult of my life! I was betrayed horribly by two people I cared about very deeply. I was absolutely beside myself! I began writing daily, sometimes rattling off more than five to ten pages per day. Most of it was just rambling, but it was also a way to organize my thoughts and think through some very difficult decisions.

I often felt as though I was losing my mind! I even signed each entry I wrote as “C.B.” which stood for “Crazy Bitch.” As horrible as it was that I signed my entries that way, I began to heal very quickly. I got to the point where I thought I was doing well! Just when I thought I was doing the best I had been in several months, my computer’s hard drive crashed and I lost all of my writings. Looking back, it was probably a blessing in disguise! So as far as writing goes, I had to start over at square one.

Then I began to write my first memoir. I wrote much of the backstory, and I added a few fictional parts to humor myself. But then I reached the point in the story when I was emotionally unable to process the words anymore. It just became too difficult to deal with; the words brought so many emotions right back to the surface. They almost caused an official anxiety attack! So I stopped writing for many months. I was afraid to face my past.

I started to move backwards in my recovery. I even had a few emotional breakdowns. I was left to reflect on why this was happening and I came to one striking conclusion: I had stopped writing and processing what was going on in my brain! I hadn’t finished writing my story!

Due to the fact that I had stopped writing my story and taking control of my life, my insecurities began to eat away at me and spiral out of control. They began to write my story, not my conscious self. I didn’t like it! So I decided then and there that I was going to regain control of my life.

How did I accomplish that? I wrote. I finished my memoir. It was extremely liberating! The closure I achieved was mind blowing! At the moment when I typed that last word, I felt as if a humungous weight had been lifted from my shoulders!

I felt like a different person! Something changed within me. I no longer let my past control my future.

Every word I wrote was therapeutic! It was written in my voice and told my story from how I experienced it. Going back to revise and edit my writing was actually enjoyable! I will probably never get closure from the betrayal itself, but by concluding my memoir, I received the closure I was craving. I have allowed myself to move forward!

I honestly believe with all my heart and soul that I would never have survived if I had not written about my experiences and emotions.

I tried a human therapist; two of them actually. Neither one of them worked out very well. So I wrote. I helped myself! Writing has saved my life and has been the best therapy I have ever undergone!