I am a forty-year-old woman who is actually two months away from my forty-first birthday. I am at a point in my life that I never thought I would be in once I arrived at that dreaded number. I am on the teetering edge of a relationship with a man I have known for half of my life. So I barely even remember what my life was like without him. He’s still my best friend, but I have chosen me for now.

Fortunately for me, I recently read an article on a social media site that the age of 42 is the sexiest age for a woman. I was actually feeling quite down and out for a while until I read that article. It made me realize that yeah, I do still have it!

I am not the size nine that I used to be. I don’t have that smooth and wrinkle free skin I had when I was twenty, but I have so much more than I did then.

To begin with, I have an awareness of myself that I didn’t even know was possible. I’m not as picky about what I like as I used to be, but I certainly don’t tolerate anything that makes me feel less about myself. Some may say that this makes me a bitch, but I feel it makes me feel powerful.

The second trick to being sexier now than ever is being comfortable in my own skin. This has been the biggest challenge of my life! I have never felt the acceptance of my own body—ever!

As a teen and into my early twenties, I had a nice body. It was a bit on the boyish side, but it was good. And I hated it! I was average, but a size or two larger than my best friend. It really bothered me that I wasn’t as tiny as I wanted to be. After experimenting with diet pills and fasting, I was well on my way to becoming anorexic. I was preparing for the Miss Illinois Teen U.S.A. pageant and refused to be the largest girl there. I had always thought I was fat. How could someone who weighed 120 pounds at 5’6” be fat? It was impossible!

Right now, I am actually enjoying some of the curves that I have acquired since then. My breasts are fuller, my hips are shapelier, and my legs still look great! I’ve even got some rolls and I accept every single flaw I have. I have gotten so comfortable wearing very skinny jeans and body skimming tops that I feel frumpy in anything else. I have reached a tremendous milestone in my self-esteem. I am okay with the body I have right now. Do I want to improve it? Of course! I have taken up running and am training for a 5K. For me it has been baby steps, but it feels wonderful!

Ultimately, I have figured out the last piece of the sexiness of a woman at age 42. As a woman of almost that age, I know what I want in the bedroom. I am not afraid to let a man know my needs and desires. I have a newfound appreciation for sex and the value of having an emotional and physical connection to another person. I am also not afraid to fulfill the fantasies of the man I am with.

Does that mean that a woman still needs to be overtly sexual? Absolutely not! True sexuality comes from inside. As a younger woman, I didn’t get that. I personally didn’t dress like a floozy, but many girls I knew felt the need to do that. Being sexy in my forties has been a state of mind. It’s a mind frame, but it’s not always in the brain. There has to be something tangible to sexiness. For me it’s in the lingerie. It doesn’t necessarily need to be outrageously expensive from specialty stores. It’s taking a risk that allows the wearer to feel differently. I’m done with plain white and printed cotton panties. Could they be more boring? I have switched to lacy push-up bras and lacy cheeky or thong panties to match. Who knows I have changed this in my life? Nobody except me, and that’s all that matters.

It is very empowering to know that underneath something as simple as jeans and a t-shirt, there is a sexy surprise. I honestly don’t even know what type of lingerie men prefer, but I wear pretty things for only one person: me!

I have decided to put my needs first. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I have enough faith in myself to get me through any curve that life will throw at me. What will the magic age of forty-two have in store for me? I have a year or so until I am there, but I have a new sense of confidence to help me along on my life’s journey.