20 Thoughts I Had During Horrible Sex
If I kill him for this, I bet a real jury of my peers would acquit me.
1. Has the sex started yet?
2. No, really, has it started yet?
3. I wonder how many tiles there are in that ceiling.
4. He really did eat too much at dinner, he feels a bit heavier than usual.
5. Who is going to tell him that he doesn’t really need those Magnum condoms?
6. Damn, I need a manicure.
7. Horrible dirty talk begins in 5, 4, 3….
8. Cue the moaning so I don’t have to have an hour-long interrogation about whether or not I enjoyed this.
9. I could probably go for a pedicure too.
10. If I kill him for this terrible sex, I bet a real jury of my peers would acquit me.
11. I’m already planning my post-trial press conference with Gloria Allred.
12. For someone who claims to have such a high body count, he really hasn’t learned a fucking thing about fucking.
13. What should I make for dinner tomorrow night?
14. God, can we wrap this shit up already?
