5 Reasons Why 69 is the Worst Sex Position

Get ready for a night of neck aches, confusion, and mediocre sex

Have you ever received mindblowing oral sex and thought, “This would feel so much better if I was distracted!”

No, probably not. But alas — 69 exists.

Now don’t get me wrong. Multitasking is an important quality when it comes to great sex. After all, I’ve never heard a man complain while I was licking his dick and using my fingers to lightly graze his ballsack.

But 69 is an entirely different story.

Really, it’s a tragedy. The idea of double oral sex has a lot of great potential. But in reality, 69 is just a complicated and atrocious attempt at finding one ounce of pleasure while being twisted into a human pretzel.

Call me judgemental. Call me cynical. But here is a list of all the things that make 69 the worst thing in the world.

1. Someone’s booty is always on display

…and it’s usually mine. Because the truth is 69 is just a whole lot easier when the woman is on top. And on top of the sucking-a-dick and getting-my-pussy-licked multitasking fiasco, I also now have to worry about my gaping asshole in his face.