Member-only story
DIVORCE ADVENTURES
Middle-Aged Ride of Shame
First-time sex after divorce. First time on pallets.
“Tired of white, bearded, and hairy guys? Go bald smooth and Chinese.”
That was the opening line on my dating profile.
While my grandparents had arranged marriages in China, I had the freedom to swipe through hundreds of ladies sitting in a basement closet with my kids settling in for the night. My divorce dwelling was a studio basement apartment nicknamed, The Cave. The closet, the bathroom, and the stairwell were the only places for privacy. I swiped in all three.
My grandparents would have been proud. I’m sure that’s exactly what they had in mind when they immigrated to the Land of the Free for a better life.
Future grandsons! I make this perilous journey so that you may get laid by window shopping chics on a futuristic electronic device — in a closet — in a basement. Don’t let us down!
I didn’t mind pitching my smooth abs and chest free of prickles and tickles. Unbelievable ladies responded. Maybe it made them laugh. Perhaps they were sick of 100 grit white guys…
