During These Uncertain, Turbulent Times I’d Like The Whole World To Know What My Orgasm Smells Like
Good afternoon everybody! I’m so happy to see you all here on Instagram. I know most of you saw me on the Jimmy Fallon show last week talking about This Smells Like My Orgasm candle. Everybody loved the first one This Smells Like My Vagina so much that I simply had to make another.
I’m sure you’ve all got lots of questions, if anybody wants to ask me anything… *leans forward to read the screen* Hi Gabby. There’s Susie, hi Susie! Hi Chrissy… and Jo. So many of you! Oh, I can see there’s a question here from Karen in Kentucky. Hi Karen! Karen has asked what inspired me to make the candles.
Like I told Jimmy, that magical moment when I knew I had to make a candle smelling like my vagina happened whilst being high on magic mushrooms during the filming of a documentary about empowerment. I smelt this amazing scent and straight away I said “That Smells Like My Vagina”. I was joking, but then I realised how empowering it could be! A beautifully scented candle marketed as smelling like a vagina… and now an orgasm. It’s even got fireworks on the box *laughs*.
You all know that it’s not about the money for me. I do it because I want to enrich your lives. I’ve done so much research to get This Smells Like My Orgasm perfect; there’s overtones of tart grapefruit, neroli and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes… and it only costs $75!
*Leans forward reading the screen* we have a question from a man! Carl has asked about buying the candle for his girlfriend.
I am so glad you’ve asked this Carl! Yes, men can and should be buying This Smells Like My Orgasm candle for the women in their lives. There’s no better way to demonstrate your support of feminism. As an added bonus, did you know that what you smell affects your mood? So unless you’ve got Covid-19 and can’t smell anything *sad face* you and your girlfriend can inhale the scent of This Smells Like My Orgasm and it’ll evoke feelings of fantasy, seduction and playfulness in you both. We all need more of that right now.
Oh, I knew this question was coming! Belinda has asked about my husband…
No doubt you’ve all seen the recent media coverage about my husband’s ‘outburst’ claiming my candles smell like “cat pee and make him want to gag”. He’s joking! You all know what a prankster he is. Remember last year when he told the media I was trying to poison him because I added Sex Dust Moon Juice into his breakfast smoothie? He likes to play mind games with the paparazzi; pretend he hates my products. For the record, Sex Dust Moon Juice does not taste like “mung bean dirt water;” it’s one of our best selling products. He’s doing it to help create ‘buzz’ and sell more. Isn’t he just the best! I love him so much.
Ah, a question about the lawsuit.
Thank you Jennifer, yes the lawsuit over the jade eggs has been very draining for me. There’s only been a few women who got the eggs stuck inside them and even less who got toxic poisoning. Like 3 at the most… maybe 12… possibly 160. I don’t know for sure. I’m not a numbers person *laughs* I’m a creative. All I can say is that I use my jade egg all the time and my moods have stabilised, my hormones have regulated and it’s made me super tight down there… and it’s never got stuck!
We’ve got time for one more question! Dallas has asked if I’m threatened by Catherine’s new lifestyle brand.
I have nothing but good vibes and energy for my friend Catherine. Her vegan shoes and love spoons are no match for my vagina steamers, necklace vibrators and vampire repellents. She’s not a threat to me. I know how much joy my products bring you all and I so want you to experience This Smells Like My Orgasm candle because I know how much you’re going to love it! There’s a link in my bio, mwah *air kisses* Much love!
