How to Ensure You Have “Skinny Arm” While Doing His Chores
Does muscle really matter when it could look like fat? Excuse me while I adjust my male gaze: No.
Ladies, put your strengths aside and forget what you heard about “internalized misogyny” at those women’s groups. I heard they’ve been very violent and smelled terrible since 1914! No need to look it up. I know I’m right. And even If I’m not, I already know your “opinion” on the “facts” won’t be heard. By me. And like, who else is there? Hello? I didn’t think so.
Budget Option: Saran Wrap
This option is good because it adds a little glow to your arms.
It’s also good because it gives a little, “Is she or isn’t she (wearing Saran Wrap)?” which is important for the feminine mystique you “guys” supposedly deconstructed like, fifty years ago or something.
Moderate Option: Craigslist Cavitation
Even if it takes you five times as long to do his chores, ensuring you never lift more than two pounds will prevent you from bulking up those torso sausages.
Do they really even need to be strong?
Best Option: Liposuction, Arm Trimming, or Amputation
This for the ladies out there that are ballers. I see you, girl bosses! I see y’all, Rachel Hollis freaks!
And…I’m coming for you. With a knife. To cut off your arm. Because you’re out there. Hustling. Sacrificing for your family. Sacrificing your money. Your time. Your health. Your arms.
Until Next Time,
Your Unemployed Neighbor
President of Local Vol[untary] Cel[ibate] Club of One: Because I could get laid, but no one is good enough for me (yet.)
