The Significance of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love
The one vs. the horny right?
What Does The Brain Have To Do With It?
Science tells us that in addition to our genitals, our brains are a sexual organ. For those of us who like sex, our brains are where sexy ideas happen. Our first ideas about sex and our bodies start when we are washed in hormones, and that control center for sexy thoughts persists into adulthood.
Our brains can get sexy even when we’re entirely alone. Being bored, or angry, or sad can sometimes lead to feeling horny. Loneliness itself is a powerful aphrodisiac, and who isn’t mostly alone these days? Sex toy shops and porn sites are boasting record numbers. Right now is the perfect time to get to know our bodies a little better. Venturing into new territory can reap great rewards.
Our Brains & Dating
Dating starts in the brain too. During a pandemic, opportunities to date seem few and far between. There are no bars to visit, no games to go watch. Dating apps can help you find a connection, but seeing each other in person probably won’t be an option, unless it’s a no-touch masquerade ball. Wow, what a different movie Eyes Wide Shut might have been! But despite the issues of distance, when it comes to acting on our sexy ideas, our brains can get creative. Long-distance couples can bring in toys or sex dolls to enhance their pleasure. Zoom, in addition to being good for business, can help you get down to business. Facetime: it’s not just for showing off the new couch anymore.
Where the brain can sometimes miss the mark is love, because if the brain is a sex organ, then who is the adult making grownup decisions when sexy thoughts are involved? You can fall in love with the first bad idea with a commanding presence if you aren’t careful. Heathcliff, anyone? Falling in love is easy, especially when you’re bored and horny. We make some of the worst decisions, and some of the best, when we’re bored and horny. A great sex toy can help alleviate horniness, but even the best sex toys won’t solve The Triangle Problem.
The Triangle Problem
What’s The Triangle Problem? Aside from being something completely made up, The Triangle Problem is the mess that occurs when the minds longing for sex, dating, and love all triangulate on the same idea; The One. Made famous by romance novels, movies, video games, poetry, and love songs, the archetype of The One is the amalgamation of some of our most toxic societal tropes about love. If we could only find The One, our bored and horny problems would be solved. We wouldn’t have to worry about online dating. The One is, hornily speaking, an absolutely unrealistic and bad idea that our brains come up with that gets reinforced by our biological clocks, romance novels, and sex drive.
The Triangle Problem occurs when one of the three corners of the triangle, sex, dating, and love, is out of balance. If the mind puts too much emphasis on sex, wonderfully horrible sexy things happen. These are the sexual encounters that thrill you at the time but scar you for life. They make for good stories, but they don’t make for good emotional stability. If we’re too focused on dating, we get caught up in the math and ratio ourselves out of a great casual date. Why date the person with a 98 percent match when a 99 percent match could be waiting just around the corner? And, if we obsess about love, we can spend months sitting around pining for a love that might never exist if we stay our bowers, stuck in blissful contemplation.
The solution to The Triangle Problem is, first and foremost, to take care of The Horny. This is what happens when horny levels are so high, the brain is distracted from anything besides alleviating the feeling. Fortunately, The Horny can be addressed with a good sex toy. With that out of the way for a minute, the mind can focus on the prospect of dating. Plus, the first step to knowing others is knowing thyself. If you know what you like, then you know what you want in a partner.
Next, and I know this part is revolutionary, but go date. Just date. Date some good people. You can even date some not so good people. Avoid dating dangerous people. Date if for no other reason than to decrease the longing for touch in your own life and someone else’s. And if it turns out that you are a good match, so much the better. All the while, find ways to keep The Horny at bay. Because if you let The Horny rule your dating life, you will fall in love, even when it’s a bad idea.
