Three of My First Five Sexual Experiences Were Threesomes
My sex life started with a bang
I like edgy sex. There is nothing normal about the sex I have.
Sure, I’ve had a lot of man-on-top missionary sex, thrusting in and out while she stared at the ceiling and did the bills in her head.
Routine maintenance sex. Nothing wrong with that.
But that’s not where I live. Not in my body. Not in my mind. I’m sex-positive, kinky, and edgy in all my sexual encounters. Always have been.
I’ve had plenty of sex, with both men and women, on top, on bottom, on the side, from behind, from below, in the bedroom, the kitchen, den, car, airplane lavatory, top of a windy mountain, in a covered wagon, on a park bench, in the ocean, in groups of perverts larger than 6, with blindfolds, handcuffs, whips, chains, floggers, ropes, restraints, butt plugs, and anal beads.
And while playing with an alien ovipositor. And six gelatin eggs.
And a foot job to completion in the booth of a restaurant. Among other places.
I got a good, if late, start. Three of my first five sexual experiences were threesomes.
My first sexual experience with another person, I paid for. (Yeah, that was me.) A shy kid who knew what he wanted, who had learned to read the Los Angeles Free Press advertisements enough to distinguish legitimate ads from scams. I paid for that high-heeled, long-legged blonde in her clichéd red corvette to cruise into my suburb in the Valley.
My parents were at work, and I had the day off school. Risky business indeed.
It was three days from my 20th birthday. I wasn’t about to leave my teenage years behind still a virgin.
I stared at the poster of Farrah Fawcett (yes, that famous poster with the multi-colored blanket background) on the back of my bedroom door. Kitty Quinn (yeah, I know) laid me on my back on my twin-sized waterbed. She unrolled the condom onto my dick with her mouth (whoa!) and sucked a little before crawling on top. Less than 10 minutes later (it’s a memory, so I’m probably greatly exaggerating), she was getting dressed and I was watching her drive away, ready to masturbate and cum again to the memory of it all. Easiest $100 she ever made. Best $100 I ever spent.
I liked sex. No, I loved sex and everything sexual. I knew that following my first wet dream years earlier. After that, I set records for bathroom masturbation that not even Portnoy himself would have complained about.
I also found out early on the beautiful world of mail-order catalog sex toys. I bought vibrating cock rings, pulsating pocket pussies with “real” faux hair, and blow-up sheep, all delivered in brown paper packages. Combined with my father’s collection of Playboy magazines strewn liberally around our house, my bedroom had the makings of a world-class sex shop, including a pile of crusty cum-dried socks (yup, socks) hidden under the bed.
But I had the bad habit of putting early girlfriends on pedestals, awash in my love and affection, rather than on the ground for me to fuck.
So I took matters into my own hands (often), and put my own ad in the Los Angeles Free Press.
Horny SWM, 20, seeks SF or cpl for threesome.
Call XXX-XXXX, leave message.
Can travel at a moment’s notice.
My private phone blew up. So many horny people in the world. I learned quickly to distinguish curious callers and perverts from serious prospects.
A short drive to Hollywood and I met Sheri Cass, a mid-20s unwashed rock band groupie (Cheap Trick, Rush, The Who) from Wisconsin, in a sleazy hotel apartment at 357A North Ogden, who wanted to get hers.
Nervous, I tried to show off my newfound sexual prowess and lick her pussy. She was dry and she smelled musky (or was it musty?). And I was lost. I had cotton mouth from nerves and no aim. She kind of chuckled at my lack of expertise and pulled me to her for a brief dry kiss and flipped me on my back. She rode me to her own quiet orgasm. As she kept sliding up and down my cock, she asked distractedly, “Did you cum yet?”
I hadn’t. But I got the clue that I had better or I’d lose my chance. She was pleased to get me off, but I think was more pleased to get off me.
Afterwards, we sat on the edge of the bed and smoked cigarettes while she showed me photo albums of all the rockers she was following, which ones she had fucked and which ones she wanted to fuck.
And then, bam bam bam, I got calls for threesomes, three of them within the next couple of weeks. At 20, most everyone who was 25 or older was old to me. So all of these couples seemed old. But that didn’t matter to me. I was getting my dick wet and an open-minded education all at the same time. If my parents asked me where I was going at night, I’d say I was going to study. That wasn’t a lie.
Each couple specifically said they didn’t want any male-to-male contact. Either way would have been fine to me. I was going to have sex. I’d follow whatever rules they laid out, as long as I got laid, too.
The first couple, Ellen and Dan, lived in a seedy apartment in Reseda, the skanky porn capital of the Valley. Their two young kids were gone for the night and they were ready to play.
Dan was a Hawaiian-shirted cocktail-drinking beer-bellied white guy in his early 30s, and Ellen was a short, dark Filipina with fake boobs and a snake for a tongue. You know how snakes wriggle wildly when they have been attacked or are held by their middles, writhing and wrapping themselves around a stick or an arm? Like that. A true tonsil-hockey champ.
She led me to the couch and asked if I wanted a drink. I was driving and didn’t drink yet since I was only 20. (No, really.) I declined, as she rubbed my stiffening cock through my pants and quickly unzipped my shorts to suck me. Then she took a breath before kissing me with her entire mouth wide open as if to engulf both my lips and lower jaw, working that snake tongue down my throat.
Oh, but that snaky tongue on my cock. Heaven. She could lick the bottom of my balls and stimulate the head of my cock in the back of her throat at the same time. (Kitty and the little red corvette had ripped me off!)
They loved the idea of someone so young (me) being so open-minded.
“It’s so great that you’re so young and open-minded,” they had said.
She was a wild one. She bucked wildly while Dan and I took turns fucking her, like she was auditioning for a part in The Exorcist, yelling out “Fuck me! Fuck me!” She screamed nonstop at the top of her lungs during the entire date that I couldn’t tell when she came or if she was cumming the entire time. It was all the same.
They were so drunk and so stoned. And they were still fucking when I found my shorts and my keys and let myself out.
The second couple, Jean and Don, were shy and overweight. She was 36 and he was 42. They had a poodle and lived in Lakewood. We met at a Travel Lodge motel. (I know, because I’m writing this from a memorialized note I wrote at the time, some 36 years ago, knowing it would be good information for later. The FBI missed their chance with me.)
Jean and Don were decidedly middle class and they were extremely nervous. They had rented a hotel room an hour away. We met at the halfway point.
This was in a time before cellphones, so everything operated on trust and pre-arrangements. That was a long way to drive in southern California for a no-show or for a couple to get nervous and back out.
They asked me to knock three times (yeah, I know) on their door when I arrived. They would keep the lights off. There would be no male-to-male contact. She’d suck his cock while I fucked her from behind. Then we’d switch positions. Was that okay? It’s our first time. You’ve done this before? Wow, you’re so young and open-minded. (I know, right?) That’s cool. We’ll see you soon.
This was a big night for them, and me. Everything went off without a hitch. We played around for about 2 hours, and I came three times that night, which was unusual for me, because of my own shyness and the handful of times I would masturbate per day anticipating what was going to happen in the evening.
I didn’t masturbate so I would last longer. I masturbated because I was so damned excited that I was going to have sex. But all that masturbating did leave the well drained dry at times.
The third couple, Karen and Richard, lived in the posh hills of La Cañada-Flintridge. From the size of their house with its gated driveway, they were no doubt in the movie business. They were older than the second couple, probably firmly in their 40s. They were dressed casually. She offered me a drink which I accepted this time, a rum and Coke. (Cough. Sputter. I couldn’t taste any Coke.) And she led me to the bedroom. They had tense words with each other from across rooms, something about “you had your night last week. Tonight is my night. Don’t be that way, Dick.” (Or did she say, “Don’t be that way, dick.”)
I thought about excusing myself, anticipating being in the wrong place at the wrong time and envisioning newspaper headlines and red and blue flashing lights in the driveway, but I decided to see it through.
She wanted to fuck right away. I was already fucking her when he came in quietly and with a grin started playing with her tits. When I came, we switched places. I sucked and pinched her nipples while I sat on the edge of the bed, sipping my drink while he methodically fucked her. I think I heard crickets.
He lasted a long time, breaking all kinds of stamina records. After an hour, he still hadn’t cum and I was no longer aroused. (It had been an eventful couple of weeks. My dick was tired.) I finished my drink, grabbed my clothes, and quietly headed out while they were still fucking. They barely acknowledged my departure. They were wrapped up in each other. After all, it was her night.
That was also the last time I would fuck for quite a while, until I got a girlfriend later in the year. Yeah, I put her on a pedestal too, but she was only 4’8” tall, and I eventually married her. You can fuck a woman on a pedestal if she’s that short.
And that’s how you start a kinky, open-minded, polyamorous, perverted, sex-positive sex life.
Mister Vinnie is a cismale, sex-positive, pansexual, polyamorish, Dominant, leatherman with 27 years experience in the leather community. He edits the sex blog, EDGEPLAY.
