Who’s Best At Sex— Men or Women?
The lowdown — from someone who sleeps with both.
Ask a bisexual person, “Which gender is better in bed?” and you’ll probably receive an eye roll.
It’s a vexed question. But I am hereby putting myself on the line with a definitive answer. You’re welcome.
And don’t you worry — I am not going to conclude with, “It depends on the person, not the gender”. This is patently untrue because men and women are wired differently, as well as built differently.
So, to be fair, I have broken this competition down by factors.
Factor #1: Style
Let’s face it, the sexual dance starts way before the bedroom. There’s flirting, inadvertent touching, and double entendres. Other style items once in the bedroom are: Who takes the lead? Who gets to receive pleasure first? Who sets the tone?
Men and women can equally play all of these style roles of course. But, from making the first flirt to having the last orgasm, men are natural predators. It is in their DNA to single-mindedly stake out and conquer a potential mate. Naturally, the essential caveats of consent and enthusiastic consent are a given here.
For a woman, well for me, the combination of being desired and directed represents a pleasurable and relaxing experience.
Now don’t get all judgy on me. The above is just one type of experience. A female suitor is just as easily able to take the reins in this journey. There is nothing sexier to me than a dominant dyke with a glint in her eye and the goal of giving me multiple orgasms. You just know she can do this and a ton more. I would submit in a second.
However, this marvelously skilled woman and situation is far less common. I may be waiting all night for such an approach.
So on style – I’m giving it to the guys.
Factor #2: Skill
This is where the rubber hits the road and what everyone wants to know. But, it’s not what you think.
For a man, he has had to learn a woman’s body from the ground up. I mean let’s not even start on the clitoris… where it is, what to do, how long for…it’s a lifetime’s learning for them. The great male lovers I know have studied and practiced hard and they come with excellent skills. But sadly, they aren’t in the majority in my experience.
Now another woman will start with a major advantage — she knows every inch of a woman’s body, not just on the surface but the subtle signs.
I have slept with women who can very quickly find my g-spot, who know exactly how much pressure I want, and who understand small noises and movements in my body and what they mean.
So is this the trump card for lesbians? Not at all! Sharing anatomy helps, but the deciding factor is that a woman will be 100% focused on me. Women are better able to multitask during sex.
For men, there’s a raging erection that demands attention. It is literally drawing energy away from a man’s brain so it’s competing with his partner’s needs. If you need him to look beyond his erection at a certain point, good luck.
Again, of course, some male lovers can perform like this. But in the main, one is far more likely to come across a woman who can focus on your pleasure and know your body, guaranteeing you a better time than a man most of the time.
So on skill — it’s the ladies.
Factor #3: Snuggle
“Hey! Not fair,” I hear you say. “All women go for the post-coital snuggle. This is skewed female!”
Conversely, in my experience, men are far more likely to be down for the deep cuddle — naked bodies entwined, and some stream-of-consciousness babble after sex. Men are good at compartmentalizing their shit. Women are up for it too of course, but two women snuggling comes with a warning…
When I’m snuggling with my wife, we end up having quite serious conversations: money, the kids, the calendar. It’s so not relaxing. Women’s minds are always on the go — weighing up this and that; what should they do; buy, etc. If you are a woman reading this, I’ll bet you are nodding. We can’t stop thinking.
Men are far more driven by the physical. And far more likely to be focused on pretty much nothing after an orgasm. Yes, to the extent sometimes of falling asleep.
Snuggle is a hard category to judge because different genders usually want different things here.
But here it is — I prefer a man-snuggle because it’s low maintenance, which is how I like sex to end.
The votes are in
Am I a lesbian who sleeps with men or a hetero who sleeps with women? It’s the bisexual bind, people! You slap the labels on me, I care not. You know, I could have had four factors and made it a tie. But that would be bad sportsmanship. So this time, the men have won. I welcome and look forward to your retorts and rebukes— however you identify yourself!
