Race & Sex: The Importance of Representation in Sex Coaching

This is an important conversation to have, despite the potential for discomfort.

Take a moment and imagine (or remember): you’re seeking out sex coaching services for the very first time. Perhaps you’re seeking support in healing a wounded part of your sexuality, or maybe you could use some guidance navigating your local kink community, or something else.

Picture sitting in front of your laptop, one Google search string away from transforming your life through the sexual healing, education, or growth that a qualified sexuality professional can help you find. Out of all the choices available, how do you go about finding the best fit? As you narrow down your hypothetical search, take note of the qualities you would look for in a sex coach, therapist, or educator.

Would you prefer that they’re close to your age?

Would you feel more comfortable if they identify with your gender, or lack thereof?

Would you rather they have religious/spiritual beliefs that are the same as yours, or similar?

Would you try to find someone who shared your racial or ethnic background?

If you notice that you would lean toward picking a coach who resembles you in these ways or others, don’t feel ashamed. It’s natural for us to gravitate toward what’s familiar, and many of us are aware enough of this natural bias to see past it. After all, labels usually aren’t as important as people tend to think. But are there times when labels are important?

It’s important for sex coaches to acknowledge the significance of race in our work.

Race, like many of the other “identifying” labels our society has chosen, is a tricky concept to make sense of. On the one hand, it isn’t very significant at all — it does nothing to determine a person’s value, personality, or intelligence, and the criteria we use to define it is shaky, at best. On the other hand, however, our understanding of race has had many significant effects throughout history.

Sex coaching is no exception to this. In the past, opportunities to study human sexuality in professional, scientific settings were typically reserved for white men. The field has broadened to include a wider variety of people: certainly coaches, educators, and other helping professionals of color exist, but they make up a small percentage of practicing individuals.

Our current understanding of sexuality has left out many perspectives over the years.

Think about the exercise above. Are any of your sexual concerns a direct result of how you or others understand your racial identity? If your answer is no, chances are you benefit from a society that has examined sexuality with your racial identity in mind. If your answer is yes, then a range of issues may have come to mind: sexual fetishization and stereotypes regarding your race, harmful, outdated, or confusing ideas that seem to prevail in your culture, a lack of educational resources in your community, or something else.

No matter what your answer is, hopefully you can understand how important it is for people of all backgrounds and identities to feel represented when it comes to sexual care.

Try to avoid thinking that this desire for familiarity is rooted in prejudice or fear of exposure. Rather, understand that, when it comes to certain concerns, clients may find incredible value in working with someone who shares a unique part of their experience. This isn’t a failing on your part — no one person can understand every type of experience, after all.

So keeping in mind the need for representation in sex coaching and sex education, you’re likely wondering: What do we do to change things?

Reach out to communities lacking representation in the field of sexuality and ask if you can help.

Race is a complex topic that our society needs to continue to work on across many areas. Even in our rapidly-progressing niche of sexuality, it’s unlikely that huge changes will happen overnight; however, there are endless smaller actions we can take to start making real differences.

For example, are you a person of color practicing as a coach? Think about how satisfied you feel about the conversation around sexuality in your community. If you’re not already, consider ways you can work within your community to provide awareness, education, and other resources for which you see a need. Remember, you could be the representative someone out there has been waiting for, so don’t shy away from being seen.

Sex coaches of all backgrounds can play a role in this movement and make a key difference by offering your platform to marginalized people. Here’s something important to note: this is not the same as speaking on behalf of a group whose experiences you do not share.

Imagine you’d really like to write a blog post about the unique struggles of trans people in various Latinx communities, although these aren’t groups to which you “belong.” Instead of doing research and writing this post yourself, consider reaching out to someone from one of these groups. Invite one or more people to speak on the issues they feel are relevant, since their perspective is likely very different from yours.

On that note, maybe you follow some sexuality professionals who are people of color. Could you collaborate and feature them on your podcast, YouTube channel, or email newsletter? It’s hard to go wrong when you make connections like this: they promote growth and camaraderie within smaller groups, and within our community as a whole.

Rather than avoid this subject, view it as an opportunity to share, listen, and learn.

Although race is a potentially uncomfortable topic to discuss, it’s important that we don’t sweep it under the rug. If you want to have better conversations about race, practice good general conversation skills: come in with an open mind, listen curiously and attentively, and aim to walk away with a perspective you never considered before.

Brave the discomfort in the name of a good cause and participate in a conversation about racial representation in sex coaching. There’s no telling how big of an impact you might make.

Do you have what it takes to be a sex coach? Learn about what it means to be a sex coach with this free video series from Sex Coach U.