Men and Vulnerability — Pitfalls of Masculinity
Masculinity has its downfalls. This is certain. But how do we as a community address it? What can we do to address men and how can we make them confront and hold themselves accountable for their masculinity? Andrew Reiner, a professor at Towson University who teaches courses on masculinity such as “Real Men Smile: The Changing Face of Masculinity,” believes that the way we to address the drawbacks of masculinity is to teach how masculinity restricts men from being emotionally open and vulnerable.
Reiner first addresses how masculinity is restrictive to men and how it can negatively affect them. He writes that many of the issues that result from masculinity are the cause of the way we raise our young men and boys. Masculinity values emotions that express vulnerability (sadness, fear, openness to love) less than those that do not (anger, pride, bravery). These tendencies are only amplified when multiple men are together. From a young age men are taught to turn their emotional suffering into anger. It is true that in this day and age there are more “metrosexuals” and “stay-at-home dads” but even these men are affected by masculinity in similar ways as a stereotypical “tough guy.”
This lack of emotional honesty and openness yields many negative results for the men they affect. For example, due to men’s inability to open up, men kill themselves at rates up to 4 times more than women. Also, men tend to perform, on average, worse than women in an academic setting. This is not a result of biological differences as previously thought. Reiner mentions how sociologists Thomas DiPrete and Claudia Buchman noted that “boys’ underperformance in school has more to do with society’s norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones, or brain structure.” More specifically, men find it “uncool” to try hard. Within the confines of masculinity, it is far cooler to be seen as apathetic and disinterested. As a whole, boys who engage in extracurricular activities such as art, drama, music, or other creative outlets tend to perform better in school as compared to boys who do not because they have less fear showing their passions. Unsurprisingly, these boys are also perceived as less masculine.
It is especially interesting that men are trained to stifle their emotions since, as Reiner states, Harvard Medical School and Boston Children’s Hospital’s studies in 1999 show that boys from infancy to around 4–5 years of age are actually more emotive and tend to cry more than girls of the same age. They are also more socially oriented — they tend to look at their mothers more and exhibit more joyful expressions. Reiner also writes about how when boys are young they form male relationships with their peers that are just as strong and emotionally open as female relationships, but by the time they turn 15, young men are far less open and vulnerable in their male friendships even though no research supports that there is an inherent male desire to be less vulnerable.
Then Reiner calls us to action. Reiner suggests that the way to rectify the situation is to teach young men about masculinity in a school setting. He thinks that Men’s Studies should exist as its own field instead of as a subset of Women’s Studies. He thinks that there needs to be more discourse surrounding the pitfalls along with the positive aspects of masculinity.
I am wary of this. I do not necessarily think there needs to be more spaces for men on college campuses. Men are not a marginalized group, and there are people who should definitely be prioritized over men when it comes to education and inclusivity. However, Reiner is aware that many people think this. He writes: “Talk of empowering men emotionally yields eye rolling at best and furious protests at worst […] and men and women alike challenge the need for a ‘safe space’ for members of the dominant culture.” But Reiner makes some interesting points. He believes that educating and empowering men to show their emotions and feel safe in spaces would actually be very beneficial for women and the rest of society in general. The only way to address the issues of masculinity in groups of men is to talk to men about masculinity. And as a man I can speak from personal experience when I say that men do not typically like discussing the faults of masculinity with each other. It is hard to be emotionally open with other men, and the only way to start is to find spaces where it is okay to talk about without stigma or embarrassment so I can definitely see how courses and studies on masculinity could be beneficial.
This popular press article summary was written for a Vassar College 2017 Spring course called Sex, Gender, and the History of Medicine. It was part of a unit on masculinity.
