It’s a party…do we need to bring balloons?

Sex Party Prep Checklist

Some obvious, some not!** Your experience may vary.

I’ve been doing this long enough that I have some advice, and I just got back from a hotel party yesterday and forgot a few key things so I wanted to share. Plus, expectations and norms if you haven’t been. Caveats* at the end.

A month before:

• Tickets and a hotel room secured?
• Do you prefer to be where the action is or have somewhere to retreat to?
• Is it near the stairs / elevator? How much do you care about convenience versus foot traffic / noise?
• Do you both know what you are wearing?
• Have you planned for the theme, the dance party and the afterparty?
• STI testing up to date? (It’s part of being a good participant, and partner.)

Week of:

• Do you have all the items for what you are wearing, including shoes, jewelry and overclothes? Shoes may be particularly important….dancing shoes are different from sexy shoes, and do you want easy off slides for later?
• Are you bringing anything to hand out to make friends? (this is a great tip — stickers, glow sticks, noisemakers, pineapple keychains, whatever.) Hit the dollar store or order from Amazon. (If you are hosting a room, you should have started this planning the month before!) No glitter, no paint — too messy!
• Don’t forget the bathroom! Softer lighting and air freshener would be great additions.
• Doing any specialty drinks? Select one and bring the ingredients, shaker, garnishes, etc.
• Do you have a carry bag for when you leave your room and need somewhere to stash things that your outfit changes will not allow to be stashed! (I lost my hotel key momentarily because my mesh bodysuit doesn’t have any…pockets!) Also, lip balm, condoms, a robe, etc.
• Clear your schedule for the next day — you’ll need recovery time.

Day before:

• Double check the rules for the specific party, there might be different ones for this group or for this particular event.
• Make a “getting ready” playlist, and a sexy playlist! (Minimum length…90 minutes.)
• Start packing and coordinate with your partner on who is driving, refreshments and all the stuff you’re bringing. Toys, costumes, food, entertainment, etc.
• Lots of people like string lights (don’t forget tacks to hang them)…maybe colored light bulbs, too, or a scarf to drape for mood lighting.
• Do NOT forget your normal travel stuff in all the excitement. (This is where I went wrong this weekend….) You still need toiletries, toothpaste and Q-tips and underwear. Don’t pack so many mesh bodysuits and stick-on jewels that you don’t have room!
• Maybe the condoms and lube are obvious, but this is a party and you’ll need to think outside of your usual preferences. You need *multiple* types of condoms and multiple types of lube. We love coconut oil, but it is not compatible with latex condoms, so that’s another tip! Extra towels (dark colored is good) or a sex blanket is a great addition.
• A few things that you may not need but are always handy — scissors, tape, band-aids, water bottle, perfume, etc.
• Message your friends and see who is going and who is expected to be there when. See if they need anything!
• Get a good night’s sleep.

Day of:

• Get snacks! Yes, you’re going to need to eat a real lunch and a significant dinner but you will also get hungry later and it’s going to be a late night. And…you might have guests!
• Bring drinks and things to chill them in — a cooler, an ice bucket and some glasses. There may be pre-gaming guests or there may be late night guests — it would be classy to have things to offer them, but also some real glassware, if you can swing it.
• Talk to your partner about their goals, your agreements, and your expectations for the evening. Things like: is there anyone you are looking forward to playing with? Any types of people we should be on the lookout for? What is our signal for a yes or a no? How often do you want to go back to the room? Do we stay side by side the whole time? Do we agree that we’ll end up alone in our own bed at the end of the night, whenever that may be? (Make sure you review any pre-existing agreements, about condom use, continued communication with others, being allowed to watch, behavior expectations, etc.)
• Have relaxing movie or TV show picked out, you may have some downtime or need a distraction for your nervous energy as you get ready. These parties start LATE! (And run late!) You may also want to stretch out and relax, and maybe literally, stretch out some of your muscles depending on what your plans are later!
• Charge your phone but plan ahead because you’ll have to leave it in your room. You may check it when you come back at intervals. Send your room number to your circle of friends, or make a specific meet up spot on the first floor / party area.
• Arrange for late check out at the hotel, or double check what time it is set at.
• If you are planning to drink alcohol, have some Pedialyte packets or coconut water on hand, and scout out the closest breakfast place. You’ll likely be up very late though, so make sure it’s still serving breakfast!

During the night:

• Before you leave the room, do a quick sweep in case you bring guests back.
• Remember that cell phones and photos are verboten, so be in the moment!
• Consent is king! and queen! Always ask. Always wait for an enthusiastic yes.
• Compliment people on their outfits. Thank people for hosting a room.
• Leave things as well as you found them. Clean up any messes you make, or keep track of your stuff and your people to the extent possible.
• Enjoy watching others perform for you, or that they are enjoying watching you.
• Check in with your partner on plans and goals and how they are feeling.
• Pace yourself and don’t be too disappointed if it’s not what you expected. Enjoy the liminal experience.

The next day:

• Clean up your room thoroughly and don’t make the lovely hotel staff deal with your hastily-removed hair extensions, used condoms or discarded costume items. (This is why glitter and paint are frowned upon as well.)
• Get breakfast!
• Send nice notes to people you hang out with and connect online if possible or warranted.
• Check in with your partner about the highlights, the oddities and the builds for next time.
• Schedule an STI test in the next few months, or before your next party. It’s part of the lifestyle.
• Make plans for your next one…try a bunch to see what works best for you.

**Some of my amazing poly kinky lady crew helped me with this list!**

*I have written about how heteronormative these hotel parties are, in my experience, and how gendered. I think there is room for shifting this but the generational differences remain based on the organizers…also, swingers tend to be less polyamorous and more conservative, and I’ve written about that as well. I am not endorsing these aspects of these events and I will continue seeking ones that are more friendly to queer people, bisexual men, and people with different relationship styles. I’ll also note that I recognize that this type of event claims to welcome people of all ages and races, but that may not be the experience of all, and I do have concerns that there may be exploitative or fetishization by some that is not addressed and corrected.