Thanks to the confessions made by friends and acquaintances, I can conclude that the two most common questions that people think when they see me for the first time are:
- What is the cause of my quadriplegia?
- How do I manage to have sex?
In this post I will focus on the second issue. Quadriplegia is a type of spinal injury that affects, to a greater or lesser extent, the functionality of the trunk and all four limbs. The degree of damage depends on the part of the body in which the injury has occurred. In my case, the injury allows me to move my shoulders and certain muscles of my arms, but it prevents me from moving the fingers and any other muscle from the chest down. As far as sensitivity is concerned, my body is only able to feel through my right thumb, certain parts of the arms and any area located above my chest.
The impact of quadriplegia in my sexuality is obvious: I can not have erections or ejaculate and I don’t have any sensitivity in the genital area. This makes me an impotent and a frigid, but, contrary to what I thought during the early years of my injury, it does not make me an asexual person (with due respect for those who declare themselves as asexuals). We tend to confuse genitality with sexuality. Likewise, many men who, like me, are unable to use properly their genitals, tend to erase themselves as sexual beings by the mere fact of not being able to achieve penetration or to maintain the stiffness of their member until the ecstasy.
The great lesson that the quadriplegia has given to me in the field of sexuality is that the absence of penis does not imply the absence of sex. However, to build me as an individual I had to unlearn all the habits that I had recorded in my amatory behavior throughout my years of 'penis-centrism'. Today I feel no urgency or pressure to reach orgasm. Once freed of this burden, my intimate interactions are primarily based on body dialogue and on the search of pleasure in the most unusual areas and situations.