What Is Reflective Listening?
How this listening technique can increase understanding in your relationship
Listening to your partner is an extremely important, and challenging, skill to master in order to get the most out of the relationship. One type of listening in particular, reflective listening, can be extremely beneficial as it helps us get to the heart of what our partner is saying and deepens our understanding. In order to learn exactly how reflective listening works, I interviewed marriage and family therapist Nick Bognar.
What is reflective listening? Why is it important in relationships?
Reflective listening is the skill of deliberately listening to your partner with the intention of understanding their position, and then reflecting it back to them to make sure that you do, in fact, understand what they think, believe, and experience. It’s really important, because we need to feel seen, understood, and validated by those we love. Assuming we’re not delusional, everyone’s perspective is sensible and reasonable. Even if we don’t end up agreeing, everyone has a point. Most disagreements between couples are not technically resolvable — but if it feels like you understand me, it’s much easier for me to compromise, and vice versa, and we will feel more connected.
